Understanding disordered eating and kinship care

SPEAKER_02 0:00

In the life of a kinship CEO, the body is often the first asset to be sacrificed. We focus so much on the children's stability that we ignore our own chronic pain, our changing health, and the complicated ways we've used food to cope with the midnight calls of family crisis. Today we're joined by Tammy Gangloff, an eating disorder expert and therapist who specializes in the intersection of chronic illness and disordered eating. She's here to help us perform a health audit, moving away from the hustle of control and into a leadership style grounded in compassion. If you felt like your body is a failed system under the weight of the stress, this conversation is your wake-up call. Welcome to Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, Nurturing Through Adversity. In this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of grandparents raising grandchildren. As we navigate the complexities of legal, financial, and emotional support, I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings, and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expert advice, we will explore the nuances of child rearing for children who have experienced trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of kinship care. We'll discuss how we can change the course of history by rewriting our grandchildren's future, all within a supportive community that understands the unique joys and struggles. This podcast was made especially for you. Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, your experiences are valued, and your journey is honored. I have another confession to make today, and it's a heavy one. I went to the doctor recently for my annual physical, and for the first time, my doctor didn't give me just advice. He gave me a warning. He told me that my stress levels and lack of sleep were pushing my health to a breaking point. He looked me in the eye and said, You don't have much time to wait. It was a sobering realization that while I was busy being organized and getting up at 3 a.m. to manage the mission, I was dismantling my own hardware. Tammy helped me realize that our health isn't just self-care, it's the primary infrastructure of our home. If the CEO goes down, the organization follows. Welcome to the show, Tammy. Thank you so much. I'm happy to be here. Tammy, in your book, you talk about the profound intersection of chronic illness and eating disorders. For grandparents raising grandchildren, we're often managing our own aging body and chronic conditions while dealing with the high stress environment of kinship care. Tell us how prolonged stress and medical trauma lead us toward disordered eating patterns and what's the difference between a body image disturbance and a body image distortion in this context.

SPEAKER_00 3:44

Okay, big questions, right? So, you know, and I'll include myself in that as far as aging bodies, right? Our aging bodies do whatever they want to do, but um dealing with aging bodies, changing care needs. And then one of the things that's people have been saying to me a lot lately, anyway, with health is managing your stress. Well, there's only so much stress you can manage while you're also taking care of other people, right? I can do all the self-care. Yes, I meditate. It is stressful to have other people's lives

Managing stress and body image

SPEAKER_00 4:18

in your hands. So um, I think that's really important to look at how do you manage your stress, take care of your own. And I'd say, you know, first and foremost, to make sure you are taking care of your own health because we can't take care of anyone else. I think it's common for caregivers to put their needs on the back burner. So, how do we do that in a place where there's so many other people that need from you? And, you know, as far as the the body image distortion and the body image disturbance, in the eating disorder world that I've been in for so long, in the eating disorder world, we talk about body image distortion as it relates to someone with an eating disorder or body dysmorphia. And I can say more about that. What that means is if I my body image is distorted, then I'm looking in the mirror and I'm seeing something different than you see when you look at me, right? I might I might look in the mirror and maybe see somebody much bigger or much smaller than I than I appear to other people. Body dysmorphia is a little different. It's usually focused on one body part. So maybe I always say my nose because that kid in seventh grade made a comment on my nose. And ever since then, you know, um, so you know, I might be overfocused on my nose, but to the point that maybe I don't go out, right? You can't take a picture of me because I can't stand how it looks. So this overfocus. Whereas the body image disturbance is something that's very real. I I compare it to somebody who's just given birth, right? You're, you know, and everyone's like, you're yay, you're you must feel so amazing. And first of all, new moms like, they don't feel amazing, right? They're happy and joyous and also might also feel not well. And then their body is very different, right? My body has literally changed. It's gone through this pregnancy, it's gone through childbirth, and all of a sudden I'm in this bar body that feels kind of foreign. And so your body image is disturbed. So you now have a body that's different than what you had before, and that disturbance can be really distressing. Same as if you had a surgery of some kind. I just had another one a couple months ago. So your body changes, and so your body image is disturbed. We have our mental perception of our body and then what we look like when we look down at ourselves and then look in the mirror. And so that's all changed, and it takes time to adjust to it and can be really upsetting. And hearing things like, oh, but you look amazing, isn't really helpful

Addressing Granddaughter's Self-Esteem Issues

SPEAKER_00 6:42

either.

SPEAKER_02 6:42

Yeah. Well, I noticed with my granddaughter who has a lot of self-esteem issues since neither of her parents are in her life right now. And it doesn't matter what you tell her, she doesn't think she's pretty, she doesn't think she's likable, she has uh dyslexia, she has ADHD, and it's difficult for her socially. So that's when I become concerned when she cannot see that she is a lovely person and really quite pretty, cute. You know, I mean, I'll say, I just love your freckles, and she'll say, I hate these freckles. But, you know, that that's a little bit more normal. I guess when we become concerned is when we realize that they're seeing a different person than we're seeing. And that's when I need to get them help through therapy, or if it becomes an eating disorder, we need to see a specialist. When surgeries, chronic pain, and invisible disabilities create a medical PDSD that affects our appetite and our view of ourselves as capable caregivers, what do we do when we notice that a loved one is going through that? How can we help them best?

SPEAKER_00 7:54

Yeah. Um I'm gonna call out my sister who's um she's she even said to me, Are you coloring? Like, what are you doing to manage your stress? And I think as a caregiver, and especially mentioning surgery, right, there's all the tangible things, right? Like I need to help you get whatever you need to eat. Do you need help taking a shower based on the surgery? Like what tangible things you need. And then also just noticing, because if you're the caregiver, you know your person. And by the way, I wanted to comment on your granddaughter too. So I'll go back to that, but um, you know your people the best and you know when they're not okay. And that doesn't necessarily mean the physical, that's the emotional. And so the the medical trauma piece of it, it doesn't just mean that you've been injured by it could be that you're injured by a medical provider or that you had a traumatic experience in surgery, but you know, your body goes through a trauma and also your mind goes through a trauma when you have a surgery or maybe a major injury or an accident. And so you might start to see some of those signs. Some might be very obvious. I'll say my most recent surgery, like two days after I had a panic attack, and I was like, what is happening? I haven't had one of these in years, but it's often going to be more subtle. And so maybe after the initial kind of part of the surgery recovery is a little bit down, you might start to see, you know, hey, you're not, you're not wanting to reach out to friends or you don't want to watch your favorite show with me, or you know, just slight changes in mood and affect is because by the time we notice a big difference, right? It's kind of gone on too far. And luckily we can do so many things virtually now, which is, you know, years ago we weren't everyone couldn't just get virtual therapy and and we can do that now. So I think as a caregiver, I always like the really gentle approach that I'm sure you do anyway, because it seems like you you have that in you. But you know, just that, you know, I'm that uh I'm really I'm I'm a little concerned, I'm worried that you seem a little distressed or you're seem a little more withdrawn than you usually are. And just to put that out there, and I like that gentle way because um, you know, a lot of people get defensive. And I think even for me, sometimes like I'm fine, you know. I don't want there to be something else wrong with me. So to just gently say that, you know, I'm noticing these things. Um, and that's why I mentioned my sister who's saying it's like, and I was like, oh, I haven't colored in years. Like I do need to go back to these. I've been calling it back to basics. Some people don't like that term because they feel like they've failed. But I think we all need to go back to basics when we go through something like that. So, like, what are some of

Managing stress and seeking therapy

SPEAKER_00 10:31

the things that that helped you that have helped you in the past with stress and maybe even plan ahead for those things, like coloring? We just were doing Legos, you know, to manage your anxiety or maybe your depression. Um, and then if you are seeing bigger symptoms of maybe panic attacks or nightmares to make sure there's a therapist on board so that as a caregiver, you're not also trying to take care of them physically and emotionally, but then also do therapy because that's not your job, right? Um to to be the therapist. So, and that is also if the family member is willing to do therapy, but to to offer that as a support too.

SPEAKER_02 11:10

You wanted to add something about my daughter.

SPEAKER_00 11:12

Yes. So when you were talking about her body image um and her not liking anything about herself. And, you know, I think it's it's so common. When I used to lead support groups for younger ones, I would even ask those questions like, even if it's like one person, the only thing she would come up with is like she liked her toenail color. And I was like, that's great. It's like we just need to find one thing each day that you like about yourself, just so she's in the practice of acknowledging it because you see this bright, beautiful, amazing human, and she's just like, I don't like anything. Um, and I get it, like I don't like it. Um, but just to allow her to have that space to say, and it sounds like you do, but there's something. Um, there's something there um that she might like about herself each each day.

SPEAKER_02 11:58

I like that suggestion, yeah. In the morning, we're always together while I'm making lunches and they're eating on the other side of the counter. And and that's a great, a great practice that we can develop in the mornings.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

Yeah, I like that. And it might start with like I always say it might start with I like my earrings. Okay, maybe that's not about me personally, but like I chose them. So if I like them, and then I might be able to graduate to I like my hair, and then maybe I'm able to say I'm smart or I'm funny or you know, yeah, yeah, I think that's great.

SPEAKER_02 12:30

And it's a great way for them to start their day before they go to school feeling somewhat empowered.

SPEAKER_00 12:35

Yeah, feeling lifted up a little bit. I like that.

SPEAKER_02 12:38

In a life that feels out of control, uh which our lives often are, there's either a a a child we're worrying about, our own children are going through uh their addiction issues or or legal battles or whatever. How does food either become a weapon or a shield?

SPEAKER_00 13:04

Food can become, I like that. I haven't heard it in that way in a long time. Food become a weapon, but it really can, food can be weaponized in a lot of ways, especially when directed at family. I'm guessing that's what you're mentioning. Uh-huh. Especially if there's concern about eating, you know, a lot of times families will come to us and come to me and say, like, well, I've tried, I've tried everything I can. I can't, I can't get them to eat with me. Um, and it's always, you know, there's always an argument because if I'm gonna argue with you about food, then you have no opportunity, no chance to talk to me about anything else. Because if we're gonna sit down at the table and I'm gonna refuse to eat, then it kind of creates this. Um, we haven't said this in a while, but the kind of almost the food policing, nobody likes that term anymore, but it kind of feels that way. Um, and there's this power struggle. Um, and so if I'm weaponizing food in that way and creating this power struggle, then I don't have to let you in. I don't have to talk about how I'm feeling, I don't have to anything. And so it can really serve them in that way because the disordered eating, I see it as a it's a protective factor, right? In a lot of ways.

SPEAKER_02 14:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 14:14

Eating disorders aren't born out of nothing, right? There's trauma, there's stress, there's something that led to it. And so if I am overfocusing on that, I don't have to think about anything else. And I'm certainly not gonna let you ask me about anything else either. So it can definitely be used as a weapon

Recognizing support needs

SPEAKER_00 14:31

in that way. And then, you know, sometimes we see, you know, somebody just really is, you know, needing that support and they don't know how to ask for it. But I notice that if I don't eat enough, or maybe if I'm, you know, you notice that I'm stress eating, I notice when I have these behaviors, you ask me if I'm okay. And so I might not like there's just kind of this mental note in the back of my head, okay, okay. If I if I skip my snack or I only eat half of my lunch, you're asking how I'm doing. And so it's not usually intentional at first, but then it's kind of a learned behavior. So then that need is getting met in that way. Instead of me saying, I really need a hug or I need to talk about what happened at school today. Um, I can just simply use a behavior with food and you're gonna ask me how I'm doing. So it's a fine line, it's a tricky place to do it.

SPEAKER_01 15:22

Right. It's amazing what we do with food. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:28

For somebody whose body failed them through illness, how do we reach a state of neutrality where the body becomes a respected vessel rather than an enemy? Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

So I've been working on this. Uh, and I, you know, I keep saying my my body's going through, I was saying it was going through a rocky season, but it's been more than that now. But really, you know, the the hard work comes in um when we have to learn to not be angry with our bodies. Our bodies are doing what our bodies are meant to do. Sometimes whether we like whether we like it or not, right? So um I think a big piece is um learning to um not be angry at your body and at yourself, um, which is a really hard thing to do. So um especially at the Especially at the age, right? Then there's no and especially at the developmental stage, right? If you're diagnosed with some type of chronic illness really, really young, where each you know stage of a development has different tasks that we're supposed to complete. Um, and so if you're you know diagnosed at whichever stage, it plays out for your life in a very different way. So for me, my first diagnosis of scoliosis, I was 10 or 11 and then in the back race. So that's like a really critical time of forming your identity. So then guess what? It becomes your identity, you know? And so really looking at when it's when it's developing, and then ideally having the right kind of support at that time. I'd say at that day and age back then, there really wasn't an emphasis on therapy or mental health surrounding diagnoses. And now there's definitely a lot more of that. But that can, you know, that at any age develop into that anger or hatred towards your body.

SPEAKER_02 17:14

Which can manifest with overeating or under-eating.

SPEAKER_00 17:17

Absolutely. Because I can't control what's going on with my body. Um, and I think that definitely is something that I personally experienced in my story. Again, it's never, I don't say never. For me, it wasn't intentional. It just was kind of like a byproduct of like, well, I need this surgery at 25. I guess I'm, you know, I'm gonna do whatever I want to do with food then. It can be an easy quote, an easy way to deal with how you're feeling about your body and that anger towards your body, because you're just taking it out on yourself even more. And so to have a a way to reframe the narrative around your body, around the illness, around the diagnosis is really important.

SPEAKER_02 17:58

And I can see I never thought about this before, but when you feel like you hate your body or you hate what's going on in your life, you don't want to be eating nutritious foods and taking care of yourself. You're going to tend to want to uh be destructive. And eating destructively or not eating destructively, those are some of the responses that we have to negative self-image of any kind.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

Absolutely. And then negative self-image also just being, even though maybe my outside of my body hasn't changed as a result of my illness, the functionality of our body impacts our body image just as much as the appearance.

SPEAKER_02 18:44

Right.

Body image and mental health

SPEAKER_00 18:45

I might look the same today as I did yesterday when I was feeling worse or whatever. But your body image, I use the there's a functional appreciation scale of your body. And it's really assessing just that, just acknowledging that how you physically feel based on your pain, energy, limitations, illness has a great impact on the outside. And then, you know, that can lead to your anxiety and depression, or maybe I've lost my appetite because maybe I have a GI-related health problem. And then I notice, huh, I lost some weight as a result of that. And people noticed and they complimented me. So I'm just gonna keep going. And I've definitely seen quite a bit of that also. Or maybe I needed to, needed to. We might not have time again into weight stigma, but maybe I was told I needed to lose weight because of my illness or because of a surgery I have to have. And same thing happened, right? Maybe I had to then diet to lose weight for this procedure, and then I just again kept going with it and couldn't stop.

Importance of caregiver self-care

SPEAKER_02 19:47

Many caregivers feel like they don't have time to be sick. What's the dialogue we can keep going in our heads for those of us that are ignoring our own medical needs for the sake of the kids so that we realize that our health is really the primary, it's the primary infrastructure of the home. I mean, if we don't take care of ourselves, everything's gonna fall apart. It might be more psychological than anything, but really I think in most situations where there is a grandmother and a grandmother present, the grandmother is the heart, you know, of the home. So, so what's what's the dialogue that we can tell ourselves when when that's happening? Any suggestions?

SPEAKER_00 20:37

On my table back there, there's actually a picture of my grandmother. She hasn't been with me for a long time. But when you said that, I was like, oh my nana, yes, she was the heart of the home. And I do think that the especially the grandparent does take on a big brunt of a lot of things that are going on. And it's the basic, but not right, we can't take care of anyone else if we're not taking care of ourselves. But but then how do I really do that? Right. Because if I'm right, you know, I'm taking care of the family. I don't have time to get a haircut, let alone go to a doctor's appointment or anything else. So how do I carve out the time? And really, you know, I use the word in interdependence, right? Like we, you can't be the only one that people are leaning on. There has to be some interdependence. It doesn't mean it's 50-50, but as the grandparent is or someone else in the family that you can lean on just a little bit. Like, hey, I have these, this help thing going on. Maybe I need to go to, I'm in PT again. So maybe I need to go to physical therapy, maybe I need to go to this doctor's appointment, or maybe I just need a day off to just rest because we all need days to just rest. So who can we lean on or reach out to for support so you can give yourself the those little spaces of time to take care of yourself? Because if you're not okay, absolutely, if you're not okay, you're you're not gonna have the energy emotionally or physically to take care of anyone.

unknown 21:59

I

SPEAKER_02 22:00

Just curious if you have any little quote that helps remind you that you stick on your bathroom wall or that you keep over your desk.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

Is there anything the one the one that's literally sticking on my bathroom mirror right now? Gosh, I'm gonna get it wrong. I think it says, um, I'm calm and steady today, and also I'm healthy and strong. And so, you know, for me to be calm and steady today, there are things I need to do to make sure I am that. And that means breathing. Um, there's an app that I use, Insight Timer. Um, I'm just saying that because I'm terrible with meditating, but for some reason, that's the one that's helped me. So whether it's taking 10 minutes to listen to a meditation, taking a few minutes to maybe I need to a few extra minutes in a hot shower, just having that visible reminder, I think is really important to just remind you to take that space.

SPEAKER_02 22:54

I'm gonna, I'm gonna make a confession because I think it's important that we share all of our pains on this podcast. Went to the doctor for my annual physical a day or two ago. And I told the doctor I wasn't sleeping well. And long story short, the end of the conversation, he recommended I do some things that I didn't want to hear. And I said, I'll think about that. And he said, You may not have much time to wait. And I looked at him with this sort of a smile that was really sort of scared inside because he told me I didn't have a lot of time before my my I've been under a lot of stress lately. And my granddaughter is regressing because her mother's in jail again. And her trauma has been affecting my sleep. And so I'd I'd gone for days with very little sleep, and I could feel it. Still trying to keep up with all my responsibilities with the podcast and the family and the kids, all the things that, and I'm such an organized person that what I'll do is I'll get up at three o'clock in the morning to start working so that I get everything done. And he basically looked at me and said, You can't keep doing this for very long, or your health is going to start failing. And it wasn't like he was giving me a couple of months. He was telling

Taking time for self-care

SPEAKER_02 24:27

me now. The only reason I shared that story is that I think somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that. But when someone else told me that, I literally came home this morning and I had a million things that I needed to do today, on top of doing a few interviews. And I made myself, I had to make myself and talk to myself to get myself to sit in the bathtub, do a few things like clip my toenails, you know, just go, okay, Laura, take your time. You don't need to rush around the house. I had to talk to myself to slow myself down long enough just to take a bath. And I think there are a lot of other grandparents that are out there doing that because we are overloaded and we say, I don't need to take time to uh sit down and listening to other people's stories who make me go, yeah, I need to do this for myself. And I like your little phrase because if I had that up on the mirror and I looked at it and I was honest with myself, and I said, Do I really feel calm today? No. What was the second part of the message?

SPEAKER_00 25:42

Am I I feel calm and steady today? I also found, and I'll send you one if you give me your address. I got two of these. They're they're this size. This one says someone out there needs your writing, but they're two this size, and it says, take a deep breath, relax your jaw and your shoulders. So I put one in my downstairs bathroom and one in my closet. So when I go in there, it's a reminder, okay. I'm gonna and I do it. I take a deep breath and I like just kind of that reminder because we need that.

SPEAKER_02 26:08

We need physical reminders, and I don't think every day we could tell anyone in our families or even my best friend to call me every day and say, are you calm? Are you relaxed? Are you taking time to do something for yourself? But if I put those things somewhere where I can see it, I'm I'm pretty good about everybody's gotta figure out what that thing is.

SPEAKER_01 26:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:37

We are as grandparents, we are such capable people just to even be doing the job that we're doing that it's so easy for us to go way over the line when it comes to not taking care of ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 26:51

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 26:54

I answered my own question.

SPEAKER_00 26:56

You did, and though I'm gonna I'm gonna challenge you though, because so I'll say this my my work is also feels very social, and it's also not social, right? It feels social, like I've made, and I'm sure you have

Balancing social time and wellness

SPEAKER_00 27:10

too connections and friendships with people that I've met through a podcast or a conference, and it still isn't the same as social time, like going out to coffee with a with a girlfriend. That's very different. It's hard to add that time in, but maybe it can be like maybe once every few weeks I add in that time out with a girlfriend, or um, you know, to give yourself that extra space. And it's that quote we've heard a million times you know, if you don't make time for your wellness, you know, it'll result in illness. And that's that's what happened to my body. I saw an acupuncture person for the first time ever yesterday. It was such a cool experience, and my body's doing weird things today. I'm I am gone again next week. Um, it was super healing. Like I walked in, I was like, Oh, I need to be here. I mean to be here, like keep coming here. Um, and she asked you about my stress level, similar. And I I have not been well. And um, and I was she's like, When when do you feel like this level of stress started? I was like, I don't know, like like a year or a year and a half ago. So when you operate at this super high level of stress, there's only so long that your body will just break down.

SPEAKER_02 28:25

They're like, that's what the doctor was telling me because I was starting to have signs.

SPEAKER_00 28:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:31

He started to see signs. I moved away from my community that I've had for 47 years. So he thinks that what I'm that what I'm experiencing is PTSD from losing my community, which I realized he's probably right, and I probably didn't even acknowledge it because I've been telling myself we're doing this for the kids. We're doing this for the kids, we've got to do this for the kids. Yeah. You are. But I'm aware of it now. Is sometimes it takes someone to tell you that. And and he didn't let me go when I said, Oh, I'll think about that. I'll get back to you when I see you in six months. He went, you may not have that much time before your health starts breaking down. And that scared me. That was enough for me to go, okay, I can't afford to do that. I really can't. Whatever it takes, I'm going to take a harder look at how I'm managing my health.

SPEAKER_00 29:25

And good doctor, by the way, because I feel like a lot of doctors miss that. And a lot of doctors will say, like, how are you managing your stress? But to be really that direct with you, I think is really important and clearly impacted you. So that's a ton of grief to leave your home and your friends of all those years. That's a that's a lot of grief. And for you to honor that, I think is going to be important too.

SPEAKER_02 29:47

Yeah, yeah, I agree. We already know that these habits and body image struggles get passed down to the grandchildren we're raising, and we don't want to do that. So modeling these healthy habits are so important when we're struggling with a chronic illness and when we're not. You mentioned EMDR as a therapeutic approach. For a caregiver that's lived in a high state of alert, how do you think this process can help the trauma that's stored in the body?

SPEAKER_00 30:18

Yes. So I I will caveat this by saying that I'm I'm a therapist and that EMDR trained therapist. And I have done EMDR for my own personal trauma and have found it really helpful because, you know, a lot of times if you have medical trauma or physical trauma that occurs at the same time as a relational trauma, it's kind of a perfect storm, right? So all that trauma is there. And so it's a really powerful way to reprocess that trauma. It doesn't mean the the memory isn't erased, but your body's ability to process it and not be in that heightened state of fight or flight anymore. You might be acting,

Talking about EMDR therapy

SPEAKER_00 30:57

you might be living in this really highly activated state without even realizing it until you're not anymore. And that could be part of what you've experienced as far as that kind of high activation. And then your anxiety just keeps going up and up. For me, and for a lot of other people, when they can reprocess their trauma with EMDR, they start to see their level being activated and heightened go down, and then they're much less triggered. So something that might have triggered you six months ago might not trigger you now. Um and so it's a really useful tool. I think talk therapy is really helpful. And sometimes, especially with trauma, we need a little bit more than that. And that's really helpful.

SPEAKER_02 31:39

Unfortunately, for a lot of grandparents, we rely upon Medicare or we're on Medicare. The kids are often on Medicaid like ours are. And some of these alternative therapies aren't available to us. But I want to make the listeners aware because if situations become chronic, it's I think we can always put finances aside to afford to do something that becomes a matter of life and death for us.

SPEAKER_00 32:08

Absolutely. And most therapists, um, there are some that take Medicare, and most therapists do some type of sliding scale. So even if it's not on their website, because it's usually not, if you um, you know, reach out and you're like, never heard yeah, you I can't afford $200 a session. And there are some nonprofits. There's one here I'm in Pennsylvania. So there's one here that does offer a kind of short-term EMDR for people that have chronic illness, first responders and things. So there are different resources out there. So if somebody needs one, reach out to me and I'll help you find it because there are resources for um, and also honestly, I don't feel like we live in a we're not really in a world where everyone just has so much disposable income to spend thousands and thousands of dollars on therapy each month, it just isn't feasible, especially when you're taking care of a family. So there are more resources. We just need help navigating them and finding them.

SPEAKER_02 33:06

My systematic question for you um is medical professionals often treat the illness, but ignore the eating disorder or vice versa. For grandparents raising grandchildren, how can they better advocate for tailored treatment that looks at the whole

Medical appointment planning tips

SPEAKER_02 33:22

person?

SPEAKER_00 33:22

Yeah, I think that's a great question. And so actually, I have it's a free resource on my website. I I created a um a medical appointment planning worksheet because I think sometimes when you go in, whether you're the patient or the caregiver, you go in so much with so much anxiety and stress and you forget to mention, oh, but this eating isn't okay, or my anxiety isn't okay. And they're only focused on the body part that they treat. And so I think really planning it out ahead of time and advocating for yourself and your family member is just key. And making sure you get all of your questions answered before you leave. And I always add, if they're not gonna answer all of your questions, we need to find another doctor, right? But yes, just like that pre um pre-appointment planning, writing all those important questions out and making sure you get everything answered, um, I think is gonna be critical because again, so different ENT, so they might be focused on the ENT part and not even thinking, well, dizziness, dizziness could be because maybe we're not eating enough. So really having that honed in.

SPEAKER_02 34:29

Yeah. I'll make sure to put that link in the show notes too. The policy question I have for you is if you were CEO of National Health, what one support system would you put in place to help kinship families navigate the transitions of surgeries and long-term illness?

SPEAKER_00 34:46

I think some type of mandated therapy. I know that their social workers and hospital systems are inundated with not enough support themselves. So I think therapy for the patient, but really also some type of support and therapy for the family member, also, because it's even more stressful for the caregiver, I think. So having that built in, okay, you're having this major surgery. This is your person for your support, and this is your person for therapy. Um, and even offering in an ideal world, it's like support groups and having all these adjunctive services, or like I mentioned, acupuncture or qigong, all these other things to really treat the whole person and the family because the family is like an eating disorder treatment and residential. We see kind of like the family is also the patient. So seeing the family is the patient also. I love that. Thank you, Tammy. It's been such a pleasure. Thank you so much. Thanks for sharing so much of your story too. I appreciate that.

SPEAKER_02 35:42

Thanks. And I'll make sure to put all the links to your website, which is telling me my name, TammyGangloff.com.

SPEAKER_00 35:51

Any information about my book or resources that you can download. Um, I have a list of uh providers that you can link up with if you need a provider in your area, and then anyone can reach out to me through there also if they have any questions. Great. Thanks again. Thank you. And I I need to hear from you about what you're doing for your self-care every day, also.

SPEAKER_02 36:13

I will. I'll let you know. Thanks. Thank you. Take

Finding calm and holistic health

SPEAKER_02 36:18

care. Take a moment to relax your jaw and drop your shoulders. Are you operating at a level of activation that has become your new normal? Well, Tammy reminded us the food can be a weapon or a shield, and that our body image is often disturbed by the medical trauma we've survived. Tonight I want you to try the back to basics approach. Okay. Whether it's coloring, Legos, or just a hot shower. Find one thing that makes you feel calm and steady. Go to the link in the show notes for the medical appointing planning worksheet to make sure your next doctor's visit focuses on the whole you, not just the symptoms. We often hear the narrative that grandparents raising grandchildren have been robbed of their golden years. We talk about the burden, the stress, and the sacrifice. But next week we're flipping the script. Dr. Deborah Heiser is back to explain why, from a developmental psychology perspective, this stage of your life, the second cradle, is actually when your brain is most primed for leadership, legacy, and what psychologists call generativity. I hope you'll join us for this brilliant conversation. We are 2.7 million strong, still nurturing and still here. Remember, you cannot lead a legacy if your vessel is empty. So take a deep breath, relax your shoulders, and I'll see you in the next boardroom.