Thriving in Grace- A Grandmother's Guide to Biblical Wellness

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I am so excited to share with you this next episode with Karen Dittman, who's a devoted wife, mother, grandmother, and now author of the empowering book Thriving in Unleashing Wellness from a Biblical Perspective. As someone who's gracefully woven her life's experiences into a beautiful tapestry of wisdom, Karen's unique journey, like many of ours, is one that you won't want to miss. In today's episode, we're going to explore how Karen, armed with a master's degree from the seminary, navigates the rewarding yet challenging path of raising her granddaughter.

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Karen opens up about her daughter's addiction and how it shaped her spiritual journey. Her devotion invites us to reflect on the barriers to a closer relationship with God, offering profound insights and heartfelt encouragement. So whether you're looking to deepen your faith or just seeking guidance in your personal life, Karen's story and wisdom are sure to resonate with you. I hope you'll tune in and be inspired by another grandmother's story of grace, growth and challenges.

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Welcome to Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Nurturing Through Adversity. In this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of grandparents raising grandchildren as we navigate the complexities of legal, financial and emotional support. I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expertise advice, we will explore the nuances of childrearing for children who have experienced trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of kinship care.

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We'll discuss how we can change the course of history by rewriting our grandchildren's future, all within a supportive community that understands the unique joys and struggles. This podcast was made especially for you.

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Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, your experiences are valued, and your journey is honored.

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Every story we share as grandparents raising grandchildren is is unique and I hold each one dearly, as I'm sure you do too. Reflecting on my own journey of raising my grandchildren, I see moments that might appear to lack grace. There have been times I'm not proud of how I've reacted to the responsibility.

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Yet when I step back and view it through God's lens, I see grace woven throughout.

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It's really a matter of perspective. Do we see the glass as half empty or half full By God's grace, this journey has been an opportunity for me to grow healthier and to live by example for my children.

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We are all human, each of us navigating our own paths and control was never really ours to begin with. Today you'll hear from another grandmother, Karen Dittman, whose story illustrates the profound realization that her daughter's journey is inherently tied to her own.

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I'm so excited to share with you this conversation. It's filled with game changing wisdom and heartfelt insights. As I mentioned, Karen is a wife, a mother, and raising a granddaughter.

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And she just recently released a new book called Thriving in Grace, Unleashing Wellness from a Biblical Perspective. Karen, why don't you tell us about what inspired you to write this book? Yeah, thanks, Laura. So I actually my husband and I started working on this book in November of 2020 and it took about three and a half years to work through writing it and also to live out what God showed us about living in grace. The beginning of the book, we open with the idea of there's a Hebrew word, bara, that is about emptying ourselves so that we can be filled with God's presence and so that we can let go of what's holding us back so that God can create something new within us. And then we talk in the book about curiosity and connection as important tools and how to actually tap into God's grace for change in our lives and for growth. The second half of the book addresses seven areas of our lives and what wellness looks like from a biblical standpoint, not just a scientific standpoint. So it talks about our physical, spiritual, mental and emotional wellness as well as how we are interacting or entering the world through vocation, relationships and finances. I know that you have a master's from the seminary, but I'm really curious if this book was inspired at all by the amazing fact that you're also a grandmother raising a grandchild.

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What happened was, as I was in the middle of writing this and crafting and listening to just the things that I needed to know to.

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To write this book and doing study. And my husband did so much background study for this book. But anyway, we're in the middle of writing this book when our older daughter, who was, I think she was 19 at the time, had no. She was 20. Anyway, so she was 20 at the time and she and her daughter and her boyfriend had been living with us and, and there was.

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Well, so then her boyfriend, we discovered he was using some really hard, heavy drugs and he had been abusive towards her. So we told him he wasn't welcome in our home anymore. We didn't know the depth of her involvement and that he had also gotten her addicted to these drugs. So there was a day when she said, hey, can you just watch my daughter overnight? I'm going to go out with some girlfriends, we're going to stay at a hotel, and then I'll be back. And she didn't come back for months. And, you know, was sending texts from time to time saying, hey, sorry, I'll be back tomorrow. And the texts got fewer and further between. And my imagination was going crazy about where she might be, what might be happening. I had no idea where she was and no idea what was going on. And so at that point, yeah, we had to file for guardianship, emergency guardianship of our granddaughter and just say, okay, we're going to take care of her. We've got this.

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You were already taking care of your granddaughter a lot of the time before she disappeared. Yeah. How did that change your life when your daughter left and you were left full time with your granddaughter?

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You know, in a sense, since my granddaughter was born, I've always been like her second mom. She's never known her biological father, so she's. Her grandpa has been the closest thing to a father she's ever had. And then I have always been like the second mom. So how it changed at that point.

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She was 3, so there was, you know, nothing changed right away other than me having to do things like make the doctor's appointments and get her to the doctor and enroll her in school and some of that stuff. But she did start looking at me more as her mom. We went through a time. Was there ever a point when she started calling you Mom? It's funny, because she had, off and on, called me mom most of her life.

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She was barely even talking at 3 years old, but she was calling me mom and I was encouraging her to call me Abby, which is what my grandkids call me.

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Then we just kind of fell into, yeah, you can just call me Mom. I am your mom now. There was actually a day and I had not heard from my daughter in at least a week. And I was of starting to feel like I'm not sure if she's ever coming back. It was just like this stirring in my soul, like something has shifted. I'm not sure she's ever coming back. I don't know if she's even still alive at this point. And that same day, my granddaughter looked at me and said, will you be my mom now?

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And that was like, wow, heartbreaking.

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And also maybe freeing that my granddaughter had given me the permission to step into that space in her life, I. Had a similar thing happen with my granddaughter. Tell us the story of what happened from then on in your life and your daughter's life with her addiction and how that progressed. That was three years ago. About. Yeah, it was three and a half or. Yeah, going on four years ago. Yeah. So about three and a half years ago. She had left in June, in September, she did finally come back home and stay and was just very honest about everything that had been going on. So this was when I finally realized, oh, it was drug addiction. It was. She was staying with the boyfriend who was providing the drugs for her. He had been arrested, and she had also said, okay, I'm done with this. She had walked away from him and from that relationship. And so then she came home, and at that point, she asked us to help her get into rehab. But then there's this, you know, hope, okay, she's going to get clean. She's going to be healthy. But no, then she fell back into drug use. So she went back to rehab a second time, and then she left instead of, you know, completing the time she was supposed to end there. Does your daughter have any other diagnoses as far as neurodiversity or learning disorders or. She had an anxiety diagnosis when she was a teenager.

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We had talked to a psychiatrist and didn't do any testing, but quite, quite sure that she has adhd. And then her daughter has been diagnosed with autism and adhd. So I see enough that sometimes I wonder if there isn't some level of autism. But she's also really, really good at masking, you know, at just coping and functioning. So that doesn't really show.

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But when she was a child, some of the things I see now is like, oh, she could have been diagnosed with autism as a child, too. So her cycle of addiction and recovery went on for a while. Yeah, it went on.

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It was probably, I don't know, four to six months until it got to the point where we recognized she is not trying to stay clean. She is continuing to use drugs, even though we have said, you cannot be in our home if you're still using. And it was certainly very unsafe emotionally and physically for her to be using drugs and spending time with her daughter.

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So my husband said, you need to leave.

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You can't stay here with us. That must have been hard for him.

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It was. It was. It was really hard. Yeah.

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That took strength from him that he had not experienced in the past. We spoke earlier about the fact that we would do anything to save our children from having to go through these experiences.

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But we also agreed that there comes a point when we realize perhaps it's through these experiences that we can't be Responsible for another person's choices.

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Yeah. Yeah, that's so true. And that was a lesson that I had to learn.

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As much as I would have wanted to spare her from the pain she endured, you know, homeless drug addict, this was.

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This was her. I'll go back.

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There's another part of it where I kept. You know, people always say, oh, the addict has to hit rock bottom before they're going to turn around. And I kept expecting, oh, well, this is rock bottom. And then she would go down further. Oh, well, surely this is rock bottom. And then she would go down further. And I had to let go of defining rock bottom. And I had to just trust that, you know, we are a Christian family. And I had to trust that God had her on a journey that he could also redeem and do good things in her life. It was really hard to watch.

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But also, I had to let go of my control and my expectations.

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And honestly, for a while, I had to let go of hope. I had to stop praying because I was just holding on to my own expectations and trying to control things by praying for her. And.

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And I had to stop praying. And other people could hold that for me. There were plenty of other people who could pray for her and pray for us. And that was what I needed. I needed to stop focusing on fixing her problems and turn my focus to the little ones that I have at home that I needed to care for.

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There's a certain point, you know, God gives us these children, I believe, and we only have them for a certain time.

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And then their journey, just like all of our children, is their own. Yeah, that's absolutely true. You know, I. I've had to go through pain in my own life that I'm sure my mom wishes she could have spared me from, and.

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But without going through the hard and the pain, I couldn't. And I wouldn't be who I am now. I would not have become strong and resilient and. Same thing. My daughter is a strong young woman, and she has gotten clean, and she has seen enough of the really ugly side of addiction that I don't think she'll ever go back there.

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But not everyone pulls out of that.

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And you shared with me that in May of 2023 that she had a very important transitional experience which gave her a perspective and gave her strength that helped her get to where she is now. Yeah.

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She was living on the streets in Denver.

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She did not want to be living this life anymore. And as much as she wanted to walk into a clinic and say, I need help, Help me get clean. Just the anxiety and the unknown. She could not bring herself to do it. And she actually said, God, I think I need to be arrested. And she had some outstanding warrants, so she knew if the police found her, she would be arrested. And so the next day, the police came around the corner where she was hanging out with some other girls and using drugs. And she was like, I could run or I could let myself get arrested. And she chose to stay and got arrested. And that was actually huge because she ended up in a jail where there was a church that was coming in and doing a Bible study. And she started going to this Bible study, and people were sharing with her that God still loves you. He hasn't given up on you. You are his daughter, and you can.

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You know, he's not done with you. And so that was so transforming for her. So after about six months, she was out of jail, and she has stayed clean ever since.

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So she's coming up on two years of sobriety. I think for many of us that have been through these kinds of challenges, and I speak to my granddaughter about this often, is that we place such a burden upon ourselves and believe that we aren't worthy of anything more than what we have at that moment.

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Sharing with her, and I believe that this is something that God gives us the ability to see, is that God doesn't make mistakes in creating us. And if we can understand that these challenges are temporary burdens that we are able to overcome.

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If we are able to see ourselves as beautiful, as lovable, then we have a tool that we can use to overcome if we choose to. That is so true, Laura. And that is something that now she. You know, she's.

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Life is not easy. You know, she's still going through struggles, and yet she can look back on how God has showed up for her.

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She can look back on the beautiful things, and she can rest in. I am God's beloved daughter. And sometimes it does take, you know, me reminding her, hey, you've been. You've been through work. God loves. God loves you. And you're gonna get. You're gonna do this. You're gonna make it through this struggle, too.

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And she's like, yeah, thanks for the reminder. You're right.

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As grandparents, I think we've been put in a very difficult position where we have to play not only the loving grandmother, the disciplinarian mother, the loving mother, the mother that reminds these kids, even when we get angry at them, we have to remind them of all of their strengths. And I know my Granddaughter has lots of challenges, lots to overcome, lots of trauma and some behavioral disorders and physical disorders because of the drugs that her mother did in utero. It's very challenging. I have to give myself a lot of grace. I'm pretty honest with the kids and share with them how difficult it is.

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But that's the choice that I made when we became their guardians. I think so too. Because there's this sense of it's not supposed to be this way. And we, my husband and I wrestle with this a lot, that we have a daughter who was born late, you know, right before our 25th anniversary. So. Or she was. I found out I was pregnant right before our 25th anniversary. But so, you know, we have an 11 year old daughter and if things were as they are supposed to be, it would be just the three of us and we'd be hanging out and we'd be having adventures and instead we have an 11 year old who has to be big sister to her niece.

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And our granddaughter with her own struggles, you know, between mental health and trauma because she witnessed the abuse that her mom was experiencing. So between the mental health issues and the trauma and the behaviors that have arisen out of that, that impacts how she shows up in the family. And, and so yeah, there are times there's like, there's, there can be anger, there can be just, God, why did you'd make. And even our 11 year old when she was younger was traumatized and exposed to a certain extent to what was going on with our daughter and her boyfriend.

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Not as much as our granddaughter, but she was also, oh yeah, she was not the central child that she could have been, you know, and it's difficult. To separate all these conversations from our daily life. You're on the phone getting a call, you're upset because you don't know where your daughter is or she's just had a drug overdose or a call from a police officer and you have an 11 year old in the household who is aware of your emotions. So having these conversations with these multiple generations is, you know, it's challenging. But also I have found, I don't know if this has been the same for you, that the discussions are liberating in a way because children these days, unlike the first child, I should say in my situation today, I have children that are still in their 20s and 30s. I have grandchildren, I have grandchildren I'm raising.

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And I might have avoided conversations about some of these things, but the reality in today's world is that it's tough, it's rough and it calls for a lot of grace.

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Although we filter, you know, the conversations between my husband and I might be more real realistic, but. And we filter for the kids. We're still talking about things that I think they need to know about. You mentioned to me that your daughter who became addicted was exposed to fentanyl. Well, I have a grandson who.

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Who became addicted to fentanyl through being offered a drug that was laced with it, that he did not know about it. And within a week he was addicted. And his. His girlfriend, I should say, she stopped breathing in my daughter's home. And my daughter happened to be a nurse and happened to have Narcan on her, so she was able to revive her. My daughter had no idea this was going on in her own house. These are things that happen today that we have to be able to have conversations with. With 5 year olds or 9 year olds. Yeah. Which is not what we would choose to do, but in a way, it's good that these kids have these tools early on in their life. Yeah, it is.

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And yeah, you're talking about your daughter and your grandson's girlfriend. And I had a very similar experience where I didn't know that my daughter had overdosed on fentanyl, but she had when. And in our house. And I'm a fitness instructor, So I know CPR, so I'm on 911 and doing CPR, and the paramedics showed up with Narcan. And yeah, so there are. There are conversations that we do need to have with these young ones about the.

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The world where somebody is like, oh, I just want to take, you know, something to take the edge off my anxiety. And yeah, you know, somebody else will be like, oh, well, here, you know, I have a friend whose son did that, thought he was taking Xanax, never woke up the next morning.

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And they're left with. My kid died of a fentanyl overdose because he thought he could trust the person who was giving him an anti anxiety pill. And death is like a video game for a lot of kids now. Right. You know, you. Yeah, you're. You're angry or upset, so you shoot somebody. And those instant. The ramifications that are so instant in today's world for these children, they need to. Those are conversations we need to have with them. Yeah. That I might not have had with my children.

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Yeah. Yeah. Those are such heavy conversations, such heavy things. We hate to talk about them, but I know they're part of what have made us to be the resilient women that we are today.

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So that we have the ability to give these grandchildren a greater legacy.

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Yes, I hope so. I hope so. And again, even with the grandkids, even with the little ones, I want to spare them the pain. But I know that working through pain and walking through pain will make them stronger. Is there anything else that you'd like to share with the listeners before we end our conversation today?

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Something that I say to myself often and I have said to my kids is that this is going to be hard, but it's going to be worth it.

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And when I am going through all of the difficult things going on with my granddaughter or any of my kids and I just want it to stop. I just want to break. I just want to get off that hamster wheel.

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And God says, no, you're not getting off of the hamster wheel, but I'm going to meet you there where you are. And that is the thing that makes it worth it. You know, it's hard and it's worth it because I find that God meets me right there in the middle of the crazy, in the middle of the pain. And he knows he gets it. He went through it, too. He went through it too. I think just having, knowing that there is someone there to share the burden with you when you feel that alone is the relief.

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Yeah. Can be the relief.

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Yeah. Well, thanks, Karen. Why don't you share also your website and where the listeners can find your book? Yeah.

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Thriving in Grace is available on Amazon.

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I'm sure you could go to a bookstore and ask them to order it for you too. But Amazon is where I'm selling it actively available in paperback, hardback and Kindle. If you have Kindle Unlimited, you can read it for free.

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And then my website is karenadittman.com you have to put the A in or you'll get somebody else. Karen. A dittman.com and I keeping that updated with stuff I've got going on with. Yeah, there's a. A quiz that I have up at the top of my website. I talked a minute ago about feeling like life is a hamster wheel. And I've got a quiz about how fast is your hamster wheel spinning.

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And so you can look at that and just kind of get some ideas about what's going on in your life and some suggestions for how to experience meeting God on the hamster wheel. Great.

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Well, thanks for your time today, Karen. It was a pleasure. It was great to talk to you. Great to get to know you, Laura. Thank you. Nice to meet another grandmom. Yes, always is. We're not alone. No thanks.

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Thanks for joining us today for another episode of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Nurturing Through Adversity.

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I encourage you to share both your challenges and your successes with us. Your story is undoubtedly one someone else needs to hear. Submit your stories to the links provided in the podcast information. Your contributions will enrich upcoming conversations, creating a more supportive community in which we can learn and grow together. Are you raising children that may have issues with their body image? Then you don't want to miss next week's game changing episode with Jessica Setnik. She's a trailblazer in eating disorder care. Known for her remarkable ability to translate complex topics into practical tools. Jessica shares a fresh, eye opening perspective on nurturing a positive body image in youth. We're going to explore the subtle cues that inform self perception, practical strategies to guide the younger generation towards self love and how healing your inner eater can make all the difference.

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Tune in to discover insights that will empower you and the youth in your care like never before.

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Unravel the secrets to promoting a healthier self image one conversation at a time. I hope you'll join us on this enlightening journey. Thank you for tuning in to Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Nurturing Through Adversity. Remember, you are not alone. Together we can find strength and hope in the face of adversity. Peace be with you and I pray that you find some time this week to listen to your inner wisdom amongst the noise and the pandemonium of this world.