Sept. 29, 2025
Practical Tools for Grandfamilies Dealing With Hidden Grief
Are you a grandparent who has stepped up to raise your grandchildren following profound family loss, feeling the weight of multi-layered grief while striving to create a nurturing, stable home? Do you find yourself struggling to support children’s emotional needs while managing your own sorrow and uncertainty? For many grandfamilies, the journey through grief is complex and often misunderstood, leaving caregivers searching for effective, faith-based tools to bring healing and hope.
I’m Laura Brazan, and I know firsthand how unexpected loss can change everything. In this episode of “Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Nurturing Through Adversity,” I’m joined by Dr. Jerry Woodbridge—a compassionate grief advocate, educator, and widow—who shares both her powerful personal story and practical, expert guidance on children’s grief. Together, we explore how grief manifests differently in children, subtle warning signs caregivers shouldn’t ignore, and concrete strategies like journaling, creative expression, and building supportive communities rooted in faith.
Don't miss watching the trailers for Jerry's new book, "Joy Overcame Sorrow", on her website!
Tune in as we provide real-life examples, insightful resources, and encouragement for grandparents shouldering the role of kinship caregiver. Discover how, even in the midst of sorrow, you can help your grandchildren heal and thrive. Join our supportive community and find reassurance that you’re not alone—hope and resilience are possible, one step at a time.
This week, we talk to Cheri, a grandmother who is living that nightmare and has decided to fight back. She shares her story of turning profound grief into a powerful movement to change the laws for grandparents rights. This is a must-listen episode about a silent epidemic and how you can join the fight to protect the sacred bond between grandparents and their grandchildren.
I love getting your fan mail. Here's one who recently rote in.
Thank you for tuning into today's episode. It's been a journey of shared stories, insights, and invaluable advice from the heart of a community that knows the beauty and challenges of raising grandchildren. Your presence and engagement mean the world to us and to grandparents everywhere stepping up in ways they never imagined.
Remember, you're not alone on this journey. For more resources, support, and stories, visit our website and follow us on our social media channels. If today's episode moved you, consider sharing it with someone who might find comfort and connection in our shared experiences.
We look forward to bringing more stories and expert advice your way next week. Until then, take care of yourselves and each other.
Want to be a guest on Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Nurturing Through Adversity? Send Laura Brazan a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/grg
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00:00 - Navigating Grief with Dr. Woodbridge
07:54 - "Finding Strength as a Young Widow"
12:14 - "Embracing Grief and Healing"
15:23 - Guiding Grieving Children
18:30 - "Journal for Processing Grief"
22:21 - Isolation vs. Community Support
25:38 - Jerry Woodbridge: Books and Blog Details
27:43 - "Straight Talk with Therapist Schaffer"
WEBVTT
00:00:00.320 --> 00:00:18.160
This week, I'm honored to welcome Dr. Jerry Woodbridge, a compassionate grief advocate and educator. Drawing from her personal story through widowhood and her expertise in children's grief, Jerry will illuminate the unique emotional landscape children navigate after loss or family disruption.
00:00:18.719 --> 00:00:34.000
For grandparents stepping up to raise their grandchildren, this episode offers vital insights into understanding multi layered grief, recognizing subtle signs in children, and implementing practical faith based tools to foster healing and hope.
00:00:39.039 --> 00:01:27.340
Welcome to Grandparents Raising Nurturing through Adversity. In this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of grandparents raising grandchildren as we navigate the complexities of legal, financial and emotional support. I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expert advice, we will explore the nuances of childrearing for children who have experienced trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of kinship care.
00:01:30.109 --> 00:01:47.629
We'll discuss how we can change the. Course of history by rewriting our grandchildren's future, all within a supportive community that understands the unique joys and struggles. This podcast was made especially for you.
00:01:48.989 --> 00:01:58.109
Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, your experiences are valued, and your journey is honored.
00:02:07.230 --> 00:02:51.810
Life often throws us unexpected curves, and sometimes those curves bring profound loss and disruption. I've seen firsthand how grief can manifest in so many ways, not just for adults, but especially for children, it's a complex emotional landscape. And for grandparents raising grandchildren, it can be layered with their own past struggles and the children's experiences of loss. That's why I'm so grateful to welcome Dr. Jerry Woodbridge today. Her work as a grief advocate, particularly her focus on children, and her personal journey as both a griever and a guide, offer valuable wisdom for all of us navigating these challenging waters.
00:02:55.009 --> 00:02:57.889
Dr. Woodbridge, thank you so much for joining us today.
00:02:58.849 --> 00:03:26.780
Your work as a grief advocate and educator resonates with so many grandparents in the audience that are raising their grandchildren. Your focus on children's grief is so important because we're raising grandkids who've lost their parents or who are mourning the loss of a parent being in their life. Why don't you start by sharing with us your personal story? It'd be my pleasure.
00:03:28.139 --> 00:03:42.819
I would say my earliest version of loss I endured when I was trying to have children, so I was able to have my daughter. You know, I'd been put on bed rest and everything, and then I just suffered multiple pregnancy losses.
00:03:42.819 --> 00:04:15.669
We then chose the route of adoption, so I learned a lot of lessons. There from grief and drawing close to the Lord and, you know, and getting through it. I had a friend who had a perspective, and she said, you lucky, doc. And I went, what? Because, you know, here I am still feeling sad for these losses that I genuinely wanted. And she Sundays, you have four heavenly deposits in heaven. And I went, whoa, that's kind of a different perspective as a believer. Yes, absolutely.
00:04:16.149 --> 00:04:37.939
And, you know, my babies are being held by Jesus. What better place could they be? So I kind of had that perspective during that time. And then when my husband suddenly passed away from colon cancer in 2004, I had a little bit of that experience, a little bit of that insight. But.
00:04:38.889 --> 00:04:46.410
But it still, it was a different kind of loss because he was my best friend, you know, he was my supporter, he was my spouse.
00:04:46.730 --> 00:05:01.129
He was the one I said yes to. I would change my identity for I would be the mother of his children. These were all decisions that I had made. So I really struggled with just who am I now?
00:05:03.290 --> 00:06:30.850
I can imagine. Yeah. As a widow and a single parent, I never wanted to choose those roots for my life. So, you know, the Lord worked with me on that because I had to do a scripture study and say, who is the widow? Who is the fatherless in the Lord's eyes? Well, it tells us in the Scripture that he provides provision and protection for us. The widow's boundaries are intact, whereas a wicked man's boundaries are not. So I'd rather have mine. And so, you know, I gained some perspective that way as well as I joined a widow's fellowship luncheon that, you know, I had to make a big, big change, Big cross state moves to get a job. And they just happened to have a young widow's fellowship luncheon. And when I say young widows, well, I was a widow at 42. It wasn't the expectation for me to become a widow at that age. And so it was very helpful to be able to talk to other women who had lost and had children and were going through that process together. So we learned, we learned how to share our stories and trade our sorrows because once a month wasn't a lot of time. You only had your lunchtime because you had to go back to work. But, you know, we were never all down at the same time.
00:06:31.689 --> 00:06:59.930
Sometimes we'd lift each other up, sometimes we were the ones being lifted up. And that's where my first book, Training My Sorrows for the Joy Lord came from. Because not only people that I met through that young widow's fellowship, but also through ballroom dancing, because I Met other widows and widowers on there. So interesting. So, you know, we shared our stories, you know, we traded our sorrows and for some reason that helped us feel better.
00:07:01.610 --> 00:07:03.930
We weren't isolated, we were okay.
00:07:06.329 --> 00:07:13.850
There's camaraderie in that. There is. And community is kind of like it's a club nobody wants to join.
00:07:14.810 --> 00:07:33.420
Right. But it is helpful to know that there are people out there who have experienced it before you that may have some tips to help guide you along your way. It's also helpful to have people behind you that you can help them because that's what it's all about.
00:07:34.379 --> 00:07:57.230
There's a quote that you give heal before you reveal losing a loved one, whether they're your child or a parent, it's devastating during that tragedy. And everybody has to shift in many roles. These children are responding to our unfamiliarity with what we're going through. And that panic that they experience is so something that we haven't dealt with before.
00:07:58.509 --> 00:08:05.870
From your perspective, what are some of the most challenging aspects of this multi level grief that we're experiencing?
00:08:06.269 --> 00:08:13.470
First of all, if you have lost a loved one in the process, you are in your own grief.
00:08:14.509 --> 00:10:03.120
And just recognizing that grief is different for everybody. There's no timeline, there's no rule book, there's no rulebook. There may be a sort of a structure, but you don't pass through like, okay, I'm going to pass through my sadness part, I'm going to pass through my anger. I'm going to. No, you may hit all those different points all within the same hour. Right. And when you think about grief, grief is not something you as a person can control. We try to get busy with life, we try to ignore it, we try to provide comfort to ourselves, even self care, all these things to try to not make it be as painful. But it is. And that's the reality that we all have to go through it. When I became a widow, I'd say the first year I was just trying to maintain, you know, structure for my children, work on the house a little bit, which was a good thing because then I was able to sell it. But when I had to move and then the second year was the move and new job. And then the third year was when I finally didn't have all the other things I had to focus on that Karif just said, you're not ignoring me anymore. So that's when I started doing a lot of journaling. And as a result of journaling and being invited to a Christian writers conference, that's when I was able to put my journal into this devotional book for widows because I was asking, you know, I was asking God questions like who am I?
00:10:03.279 --> 00:10:51.809
I was asking, you know, why is Sunday the loneliest day? Where does God's unfailing love have in common with chores? Why did I feel better when I was doing chore that were mundane, brain numbing kind of activities, but it made me feel better. I don't know, you know, I just had a lot of questions. We don't always do that well, but at least we as adults have the ability, especially if we have some basis of faith, to make a logical sense of things. But children don't have that ability, right? So we have to help them. And children show grief in totally different ways, as you've mentioned in your book. It might come out sideways. Something as simple as having an emotional breakdown over the food you serve them for dinner.
00:10:51.889 --> 00:11:19.190
And we can't make sense of this. So give us some examples of how children process grief differently from the way we do and why it's important to recognize that. Not so. Sure they process it differently, but they don't understand what they're processing. So for example, my son was 12 when he lost his dad. You know, they were buddies, they did lots of activities together. So that was a real loss.
00:11:19.909 --> 00:11:22.870
And he died suddenly.
00:11:23.429 --> 00:11:30.470
None of us knew. We'd just gotten the colon cancer diagnosis the day before. So none of us knew that.
00:11:30.549 --> 00:11:33.590
Totally unprepared, that death was imminent. Yes.
00:11:34.950 --> 00:11:38.470
But he started experiencing panic attacks.
00:11:39.669 --> 00:11:50.230
And that's where your heart palpitates and is pounding. You know, you may have ringing in your ears, just total loss of concentration, you're nervous, all of these things.
00:11:50.629 --> 00:12:31.200
As a 12 year old, he never heard of a panic attack. He didn't know what it was. He didn't know how to tell me either. I think as a grandparent, as any kind of family member that is helping children who have lost a loved one, that you just have to be aware and be mindful. Because I didn't find out about the panic attacks till he was 17, when he could finally verbalize and say, okay, this is why this. And I was feeling like I was dying, mom, like my dad. So, you know, he finally was able to verbalize that to me.
00:12:32.000 --> 00:13:04.610
Sometimes our children do not have the vocabulary, so we kind of have to be aware and try to help guide them, you know. So how are you feeling? What do you mean? Your chest is tight? What? You know, those kind of questions so that we can really get to the root of the issue. But Again, when do you panic? When you feel a loss of control. So I think, you know, anger outbursts can come because they're feeling frustrated, they're feeling out of control.
00:13:06.289 --> 00:13:16.289
An example I can give for that is from the book. You know, Joy's had a dream about her dad. And she dreams that he's disappointed in her math grades.
00:13:18.700 --> 00:13:22.019
And so she's in fourth grade now. She's got a wonderful teacher, Mrs.
00:13:22.019 --> 00:13:32.940
Thornsberry. And Mrs. Thornsberry notices that Joy is not doing well. So she sends the other children off to the gym.
00:13:32.940 --> 00:13:39.980
She calls Joy to have a conversation. And is it okay if I just read a little bit from the book? Yes. Okay. Of course.
00:13:40.779 --> 00:13:59.909
So, you know, Joy thinks is all about her math grade because she's had this dream. She's feeling a little guilt, you know, because she's not processing the way she normally would. And Mrs. Florence Gray. Joy, she said, touching my shoulder, I didn't call you here to discuss this math paper.
00:14:00.230 --> 00:14:17.600
I know why it's not finished. You can take it home and finish it tonight. No rush. I looked up, surprised. My teacher wasn't upset at all. She went on, joy, you're grieving the loss of your dad. When we love someone and we lose them, we grieve for them. It's hard heart work.
00:14:18.240 --> 00:14:21.519
I know how much you loved your dad, and I know you always will.
00:14:22.639 --> 00:15:02.269
Working for your feelings is more important now than long division or recess. Her words made me feel like she understood. I took a deep breath I hadn't realized I was holding and gave her a big bear hug. Walking in the gym, I wondered, how long will this grief work take for. Children and even for us adults, those pictures work so well for us. So having examples like this for us to follow and maybe read through a book like this with our grandchildren who are processing grief that's so traumatic can be a wonderful tool to move through that grief together.
00:15:03.720 --> 00:15:13.399
Exactly. So the other piece that after writing the book was creating a journal that goes along with it.
00:15:14.360 --> 00:15:17.799
And so it has the book prompts first.
00:15:18.919 --> 00:15:22.360
So, for example, chapter five is Never Wills.
00:15:22.759 --> 00:15:51.830
Joy learned she can remember the past, but the never wills represent her losses with her dad in the future. What are some of Joy's never wills? Well, one of the never wills is she's not going to be able to the father daughter dance with him. So she has to reconcile that in her heart and try to think, what's something else I could do so I don't stay stuck there? But then, you know, then there's personalized props for their own grief.
00:15:52.549 --> 00:15:56.210
So what are some of your never wills with your lost loved one?
00:15:56.529 --> 00:16:26.059
And I use the term lost loved one not because I'm trying to get away from saying death or dying. We have to be real with children, but it just seems that it just represents it's our loss that we're grieving. And even just not having a parent that's present in your life can feel like a death. Exactly, exactly. But journaling and writing down their feelings is a way of making that feel real to them, isn't it?
00:16:26.379 --> 00:16:40.299
Yes, I know as an adult I can describe this. I felt there were moments, especially during that year three of grief that was intense for me, that it was like a bunch of hornets flying around my head, my brain.
00:16:41.019 --> 00:16:48.370
And all I could do was try to capture one of them, put it on paper. Let's write about this.
00:16:48.529 --> 00:16:51.970
Let's, you know, write a reflection, let's respond, let's.
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What can I do about this? Because I can't do anything about 100, but I can do something about one. And that is what started the process of just bringing more clarity about what am I feeling right, you know, and what are some potential solutions rather than getting stuck and feeling overwhelmed and becoming bitter. These were all things I wanted to avoid. I think this would be a great tool for my granddaughter who has ADHD because she has so many thoughts going on in her head at the same time. And finding ways for her to become more emotionally involved in her feelings is important. Abstract thinking is difficult for my granddaughter, but if you make it very concrete and real, like a picture or describing images as you did, like thoughts being insects going around in her brain and explaining, let's catch one of those insects and just put that down on paper. She can own that. She can understand that.
00:18:00.190 --> 00:19:40.430
Yes. You know, and you know, if she's artistic or are very picked up, she could even do a mind map to write down what are all the thoughts buzzing around in her head and then just choose one to focus, you know, at a time and then go back and say, okay, now I'm ready to focus on this one. I do believe that having faith in a higher power is so important. How do you encourage others to use faith to get through what are insurmountable, inconceivable situations? Losing children, losing a spouse, not having a sense of where your income's going to come from, maybe not having a support group anymore. What do you believe helped you get through your most difficult times? I mean, yes, I had some encouragement from church members, but would I found is I Kind of self isolated myself. And I did it with a purpose because I did not want any woman to think I was after her husband. But I could have used some help with my children, you know, like having a male person for my son and things like that. But I think sometimes in our churches and our ministries, we kind of put this hedge around our family to, of course, protect our family, keep bad people out, you know, but at the same time, we also keep good people out, you know, that just need a little help. And maybe we could be hands and feet to them.
00:19:41.630 --> 00:19:57.509
I think we have to ask the Lord to help us renew our minds, to think differently. Because when we are a helper and grandparents, God bless you, you are helpers, okay?
00:19:57.509 --> 00:20:46.019
And you've stepped up and you're doing parenting for the second time, and you're have physical challenges and other things that are going on in your own life, you know, you need some supernatural help, you know, so scripture study, you know, finding a community that you feel safe, that you can share, that you can get supported in, that you could just be loved on yourself, will help you endure all the things that you are currently enduring and trying to help your grandchildren. And I think that's where we get wisdom. I don't think you necessarily have to have faith before you can ask those questions. No, but you have to be willing to ask the questions.
00:20:47.509 --> 00:20:54.549
And that's the thing. Even when I was angry, even when I was angry, he was ready to listen to me.
00:20:55.109 --> 00:21:01.750
And then I could only visualize I'm creative. So I'd visualize him laughing at me.
00:21:04.390 --> 00:21:08.230
Because I knew finding ways to be. Creative is really important. Yeah.
00:21:08.230 --> 00:21:25.009
I mean, I knew he loved me. I knew he cared about me. I knew he was there for me, but it was just kind of like, okay, Jerry, are you done? You know, I can talk now. I can, you know, now you can hear me. Okay.
00:21:26.210 --> 00:21:37.410
Yeah. Yeah. What do you think is the most important message about children's emotional well being that needs to be instilled in those who are in the position of being caregivers?
00:21:37.569 --> 00:22:11.000
I think we have to listen, we have to be present, and I think a lot of times we have to observe so we can ask God for wisdom, and then I think he'll give us what we need to be able to help the children. Thanks, Jerry. This has been an incredibly insightful and deeply moving conversation. Can you tell us more about your book Overcoming Sorrow and how we can connect with you online?
00:22:11.160 --> 00:22:59.619
My website is jerrywoodbridge.com. i also have a blog, jerrylwoodbridge.com and all my books are on Amazon and I believe the only two that I'm not sure if you can get them elsewhere are is the first in the Joy's Journal. But all the other books can be found on other online platforms like Books A Million Barnes and Noble and other online bookstores. I provided links for the two trailers for Joy over Keemstar because one of them is very special to me. It is a little girl who read my manuscript before and she did a voiceover for me on Joy Overcame Book Sorrow. I think it says trailer four.
00:23:00.500 --> 00:23:23.009
And then I also prepared one for the helpers so one for the family, the grandparents, the guidance counselors, you know, all the people that help children who have lost loved ones so they can always go to there and that is on my YouTube channel as well as well as the links you can provide. We'll get all that into the show.
00:23:23.009 --> 00:24:09.369
Notes for the Listeners because you have so much creative information to share with grandparents who are dealing with grief, Today's conversation with Dr. Jerry Woodbridge offered profound insights into navigating grief, fostering resilience, and building hope within grand families. What resonated most with you from our discussion? How are you supporting the children in your life through loss or finding strength in your own journey? Please share your thoughts and experiences with us on Facebook or on Instagram, or even in the comments on our website. If this episode brought you comfort or clarity, please consider leaving us a review and sharing it with another grandparent who could benefit from this vital message of healing and hope.
00:24:11.130 --> 00:24:38.230
Next week on episode 81, prepare for. A conversation that gets to the heart of the matter. We're welcoming Stacy Shafer, a trauma therapist who works with kids, teens and adults. She brings a powerful mix of of honesty and compassion to our work, so join us for Straight Talk With Love. We'll explore how to look beyond a child's behavior, understand the roots of trauma, and learn how to help them heal with a trauma informed approach.
00:24:40.470 --> 00:24:54.079
Thank you for tuning in to grandparents, raising Grandchildren, Nurturing through Adversity Remember, you are not alone. Together we can find strength and hope in the face of adversity.
00:24:55.279 --> 00:25:05.119
Peace be with you, and I pray. That you find some time this week to listen to your inner wisdom. Amongst the noise and the pandemonium of this world.
00:00:00.320 --> 00:00:18.160
This week, I'm honored to welcome Dr. Jerry Woodbridge, a compassionate grief advocate and educator. Drawing from her personal story through widowhood and her expertise in children's grief, Jerry will illuminate the unique emotional landscape children navigate after loss or family disruption.
00:00:18.719 --> 00:00:34.000
For grandparents stepping up to raise their grandchildren, this episode offers vital insights into understanding multi layered grief, recognizing subtle signs in children, and implementing practical faith based tools to foster healing and hope.
00:00:39.039 --> 00:01:27.340
Welcome to Grandparents Raising Nurturing through Adversity. In this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of grandparents raising grandchildren as we navigate the complexities of legal, financial and emotional support. I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expert advice, we will explore the nuances of childrearing for children who have experienced trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of kinship care.
00:01:30.109 --> 00:01:47.629
We'll discuss how we can change the. Course of history by rewriting our grandchildren's future, all within a supportive community that understands the unique joys and struggles. This podcast was made especially for you.
00:01:48.989 --> 00:01:58.109
Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, your experiences are valued, and your journey is honored.
00:02:07.230 --> 00:02:51.810
Life often throws us unexpected curves, and sometimes those curves bring profound loss and disruption. I've seen firsthand how grief can manifest in so many ways, not just for adults, but especially for children, it's a complex emotional landscape. And for grandparents raising grandchildren, it can be layered with their own past struggles and the children's experiences of loss. That's why I'm so grateful to welcome Dr. Jerry Woodbridge today. Her work as a grief advocate, particularly her focus on children, and her personal journey as both a griever and a guide, offer valuable wisdom for all of us navigating these challenging waters.
00:02:55.009 --> 00:02:57.889
Dr. Woodbridge, thank you so much for joining us today.
00:02:58.849 --> 00:03:26.780
Your work as a grief advocate and educator resonates with so many grandparents in the audience that are raising their grandchildren. Your focus on children's grief is so important because we're raising grandkids who've lost their parents or who are mourning the loss of a parent being in their life. Why don't you start by sharing with us your personal story? It'd be my pleasure.
00:03:28.139 --> 00:03:42.819
I would say my earliest version of loss I endured when I was trying to have children, so I was able to have my daughter. You know, I'd been put on bed rest and everything, and then I just suffered multiple pregnancy losses.
00:03:42.819 --> 00:04:15.669
We then chose the route of adoption, so I learned a lot of lessons. There from grief and drawing close to the Lord and, you know, and getting through it. I had a friend who had a perspective, and she said, you lucky, doc. And I went, what? Because, you know, here I am still feeling sad for these losses that I genuinely wanted. And she Sundays, you have four heavenly deposits in heaven. And I went, whoa, that's kind of a different perspective as a believer. Yes, absolutely.
00:04:16.149 --> 00:04:37.939
And, you know, my babies are being held by Jesus. What better place could they be? So I kind of had that perspective during that time. And then when my husband suddenly passed away from colon cancer in 2004, I had a little bit of that experience, a little bit of that insight. But.
00:04:38.889 --> 00:04:46.410
But it still, it was a different kind of loss because he was my best friend, you know, he was my supporter, he was my spouse.
00:04:46.730 --> 00:05:01.129
He was the one I said yes to. I would change my identity for I would be the mother of his children. These were all decisions that I had made. So I really struggled with just who am I now?
00:05:03.290 --> 00:06:30.850
I can imagine. Yeah. As a widow and a single parent, I never wanted to choose those roots for my life. So, you know, the Lord worked with me on that because I had to do a scripture study and say, who is the widow? Who is the fatherless in the Lord's eyes? Well, it tells us in the Scripture that he provides provision and protection for us. The widow's boundaries are intact, whereas a wicked man's boundaries are not. So I'd rather have mine. And so, you know, I gained some perspective that way as well as I joined a widow's fellowship luncheon that, you know, I had to make a big, big change, Big cross state moves to get a job. And they just happened to have a young widow's fellowship luncheon. And when I say young widows, well, I was a widow at 42. It wasn't the expectation for me to become a widow at that age. And so it was very helpful to be able to talk to other women who had lost and had children and were going through that process together. So we learned, we learned how to share our stories and trade our sorrows because once a month wasn't a lot of time. You only had your lunchtime because you had to go back to work. But, you know, we were never all down at the same time.
00:06:31.689 --> 00:06:59.930
Sometimes we'd lift each other up, sometimes we were the ones being lifted up. And that's where my first book, Training My Sorrows for the Joy Lord came from. Because not only people that I met through that young widow's fellowship, but also through ballroom dancing, because I Met other widows and widowers on there. So interesting. So, you know, we shared our stories, you know, we traded our sorrows and for some reason that helped us feel better.
00:07:01.610 --> 00:07:03.930
We weren't isolated, we were okay.
00:07:06.329 --> 00:07:13.850
There's camaraderie in that. There is. And community is kind of like it's a club nobody wants to join.
00:07:14.810 --> 00:07:33.420
Right. But it is helpful to know that there are people out there who have experienced it before you that may have some tips to help guide you along your way. It's also helpful to have people behind you that you can help them because that's what it's all about.
00:07:34.379 --> 00:07:57.230
There's a quote that you give heal before you reveal losing a loved one, whether they're your child or a parent, it's devastating during that tragedy. And everybody has to shift in many roles. These children are responding to our unfamiliarity with what we're going through. And that panic that they experience is so something that we haven't dealt with before.
00:07:58.509 --> 00:08:05.870
From your perspective, what are some of the most challenging aspects of this multi level grief that we're experiencing?
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First of all, if you have lost a loved one in the process, you are in your own grief.
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And just recognizing that grief is different for everybody. There's no timeline, there's no rule book, there's no rulebook. There may be a sort of a structure, but you don't pass through like, okay, I'm going to pass through my sadness part, I'm going to pass through my anger. I'm going to. No, you may hit all those different points all within the same hour. Right. And when you think about grief, grief is not something you as a person can control. We try to get busy with life, we try to ignore it, we try to provide comfort to ourselves, even self care, all these things to try to not make it be as painful. But it is. And that's the reality that we all have to go through it. When I became a widow, I'd say the first year I was just trying to maintain, you know, structure for my children, work on the house a little bit, which was a good thing because then I was able to sell it. But when I had to move and then the second year was the move and new job. And then the third year was when I finally didn't have all the other things I had to focus on that Karif just said, you're not ignoring me anymore. So that's when I started doing a lot of journaling. And as a result of journaling and being invited to a Christian writers conference, that's when I was able to put my journal into this devotional book for widows because I was asking, you know, I was asking God questions like who am I?
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I was asking, you know, why is Sunday the loneliest day? Where does God's unfailing love have in common with chores? Why did I feel better when I was doing chore that were mundane, brain numbing kind of activities, but it made me feel better. I don't know, you know, I just had a lot of questions. We don't always do that well, but at least we as adults have the ability, especially if we have some basis of faith, to make a logical sense of things. But children don't have that ability, right? So we have to help them. And children show grief in totally different ways, as you've mentioned in your book. It might come out sideways. Something as simple as having an emotional breakdown over the food you serve them for dinner.
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And we can't make sense of this. So give us some examples of how children process grief differently from the way we do and why it's important to recognize that. Not so. Sure they process it differently, but they don't understand what they're processing. So for example, my son was 12 when he lost his dad. You know, they were buddies, they did lots of activities together. So that was a real loss.
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And he died suddenly.
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None of us knew. We'd just gotten the colon cancer diagnosis the day before. So none of us knew that.
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Totally unprepared, that death was imminent. Yes.
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But he started experiencing panic attacks.
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And that's where your heart palpitates and is pounding. You know, you may have ringing in your ears, just total loss of concentration, you're nervous, all of these things.
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As a 12 year old, he never heard of a panic attack. He didn't know what it was. He didn't know how to tell me either. I think as a grandparent, as any kind of family member that is helping children who have lost a loved one, that you just have to be aware and be mindful. Because I didn't find out about the panic attacks till he was 17, when he could finally verbalize and say, okay, this is why this. And I was feeling like I was dying, mom, like my dad. So, you know, he finally was able to verbalize that to me.
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Sometimes our children do not have the vocabulary, so we kind of have to be aware and try to help guide them, you know. So how are you feeling? What do you mean? Your chest is tight? What? You know, those kind of questions so that we can really get to the root of the issue. But Again, when do you panic? When you feel a loss of control. So I think, you know, anger outbursts can come because they're feeling frustrated, they're feeling out of control.
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An example I can give for that is from the book. You know, Joy's had a dream about her dad. And she dreams that he's disappointed in her math grades.
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And so she's in fourth grade now. She's got a wonderful teacher, Mrs.
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Thornsberry. And Mrs. Thornsberry notices that Joy is not doing well. So she sends the other children off to the gym.
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She calls Joy to have a conversation. And is it okay if I just read a little bit from the book? Yes. Okay. Of course.
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So, you know, Joy thinks is all about her math grade because she's had this dream. She's feeling a little guilt, you know, because she's not processing the way she normally would. And Mrs. Florence Gray. Joy, she said, touching my shoulder, I didn't call you here to discuss this math paper.
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I know why it's not finished. You can take it home and finish it tonight. No rush. I looked up, surprised. My teacher wasn't upset at all. She went on, joy, you're grieving the loss of your dad. When we love someone and we lose them, we grieve for them. It's hard heart work.
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I know how much you loved your dad, and I know you always will.
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Working for your feelings is more important now than long division or recess. Her words made me feel like she understood. I took a deep breath I hadn't realized I was holding and gave her a big bear hug. Walking in the gym, I wondered, how long will this grief work take for. Children and even for us adults, those pictures work so well for us. So having examples like this for us to follow and maybe read through a book like this with our grandchildren who are processing grief that's so traumatic can be a wonderful tool to move through that grief together.
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Exactly. So the other piece that after writing the book was creating a journal that goes along with it.
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And so it has the book prompts first.
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So, for example, chapter five is Never Wills.
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Joy learned she can remember the past, but the never wills represent her losses with her dad in the future. What are some of Joy's never wills? Well, one of the never wills is she's not going to be able to the father daughter dance with him. So she has to reconcile that in her heart and try to think, what's something else I could do so I don't stay stuck there? But then, you know, then there's personalized props for their own grief.
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So what are some of your never wills with your lost loved one?
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And I use the term lost loved one not because I'm trying to get away from saying death or dying. We have to be real with children, but it just seems that it just represents it's our loss that we're grieving. And even just not having a parent that's present in your life can feel like a death. Exactly, exactly. But journaling and writing down their feelings is a way of making that feel real to them, isn't it?
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Yes, I know as an adult I can describe this. I felt there were moments, especially during that year three of grief that was intense for me, that it was like a bunch of hornets flying around my head, my brain.
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And all I could do was try to capture one of them, put it on paper. Let's write about this.
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Let's, you know, write a reflection, let's respond, let's.
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What can I do about this? Because I can't do anything about 100, but I can do something about one. And that is what started the process of just bringing more clarity about what am I feeling right, you know, and what are some potential solutions rather than getting stuck and feeling overwhelmed and becoming bitter. These were all things I wanted to avoid. I think this would be a great tool for my granddaughter who has ADHD because she has so many thoughts going on in her head at the same time. And finding ways for her to become more emotionally involved in her feelings is important. Abstract thinking is difficult for my granddaughter, but if you make it very concrete and real, like a picture or describing images as you did, like thoughts being insects going around in her brain and explaining, let's catch one of those insects and just put that down on paper. She can own that. She can understand that.
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Yes. You know, and you know, if she's artistic or are very picked up, she could even do a mind map to write down what are all the thoughts buzzing around in her head and then just choose one to focus, you know, at a time and then go back and say, okay, now I'm ready to focus on this one. I do believe that having faith in a higher power is so important. How do you encourage others to use faith to get through what are insurmountable, inconceivable situations? Losing children, losing a spouse, not having a sense of where your income's going to come from, maybe not having a support group anymore. What do you believe helped you get through your most difficult times? I mean, yes, I had some encouragement from church members, but would I found is I Kind of self isolated myself. And I did it with a purpose because I did not want any woman to think I was after her husband. But I could have used some help with my children, you know, like having a male person for my son and things like that. But I think sometimes in our churches and our ministries, we kind of put this hedge around our family to, of course, protect our family, keep bad people out, you know, but at the same time, we also keep good people out, you know, that just need a little help. And maybe we could be hands and feet to them.
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I think we have to ask the Lord to help us renew our minds, to think differently. Because when we are a helper and grandparents, God bless you, you are helpers, okay?
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And you've stepped up and you're doing parenting for the second time, and you're have physical challenges and other things that are going on in your own life, you know, you need some supernatural help, you know, so scripture study, you know, finding a community that you feel safe, that you can share, that you can get supported in, that you could just be loved on yourself, will help you endure all the things that you are currently enduring and trying to help your grandchildren. And I think that's where we get wisdom. I don't think you necessarily have to have faith before you can ask those questions. No, but you have to be willing to ask the questions.
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And that's the thing. Even when I was angry, even when I was angry, he was ready to listen to me.
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And then I could only visualize I'm creative. So I'd visualize him laughing at me.
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Because I knew finding ways to be. Creative is really important. Yeah.
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I mean, I knew he loved me. I knew he cared about me. I knew he was there for me, but it was just kind of like, okay, Jerry, are you done? You know, I can talk now. I can, you know, now you can hear me. Okay.
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Yeah. Yeah. What do you think is the most important message about children's emotional well being that needs to be instilled in those who are in the position of being caregivers?
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I think we have to listen, we have to be present, and I think a lot of times we have to observe so we can ask God for wisdom, and then I think he'll give us what we need to be able to help the children. Thanks, Jerry. This has been an incredibly insightful and deeply moving conversation. Can you tell us more about your book Overcoming Sorrow and how we can connect with you online?
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My website is jerrywoodbridge.com. i also have a blog, jerrylwoodbridge.com and all my books are on Amazon and I believe the only two that I'm not sure if you can get them elsewhere are is the first in the Joy's Journal. But all the other books can be found on other online platforms like Books A Million Barnes and Noble and other online bookstores. I provided links for the two trailers for Joy over Keemstar because one of them is very special to me. It is a little girl who read my manuscript before and she did a voiceover for me on Joy Overcame Book Sorrow. I think it says trailer four.
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And then I also prepared one for the helpers so one for the family, the grandparents, the guidance counselors, you know, all the people that help children who have lost loved ones so they can always go to there and that is on my YouTube channel as well as well as the links you can provide. We'll get all that into the show.
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Notes for the Listeners because you have so much creative information to share with grandparents who are dealing with grief, Today's conversation with Dr. Jerry Woodbridge offered profound insights into navigating grief, fostering resilience, and building hope within grand families. What resonated most with you from our discussion? How are you supporting the children in your life through loss or finding strength in your own journey? Please share your thoughts and experiences with us on Facebook or on Instagram, or even in the comments on our website. If this episode brought you comfort or clarity, please consider leaving us a review and sharing it with another grandparent who could benefit from this vital message of healing and hope.
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Next week on episode 81, prepare for. A conversation that gets to the heart of the matter. We're welcoming Stacy Shafer, a trauma therapist who works with kids, teens and adults. She brings a powerful mix of of honesty and compassion to our work, so join us for Straight Talk With Love. We'll explore how to look beyond a child's behavior, understand the roots of trauma, and learn how to help them heal with a trauma informed approach.
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Thank you for tuning in to grandparents, raising Grandchildren, Nurturing through Adversity Remember, you are not alone. Together we can find strength and hope in the face of adversity.
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Peace be with you, and I pray. That you find some time this week to listen to your inner wisdom. Amongst the noise and the pandemonium of this world.
