Mastering Co-Regulation for the Neurodiverse Child

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Why do the parenting tools that worked 30 years ago feel like they're short circuiting when we apply them today? Today, we aren't just talking about being patient. We're auditing the actual blood flow in your brain. If you've ever found yourself yelling at a toddler to calm down while your own heart is racing, this episode is your tactical manual for the most important merger you'll ever manage, the one between your nervous system and theirs.

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Welcome to Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Nurturing Through Adversity. In this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of Grandparents Raising grandchildren as we navigate the complexities of legal, financial and emotional support. I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expert advice, we will explore the nuances of child rearing for children who have experienced trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of kinship care.

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We'll discuss how we can change the course of history by rewriting our grandchildren's future, all within a supportive community that understands the unique joys and struggles. This podcast was made especially for you.

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Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, your experience. Experiences are valued and your journey is honored.

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The other morning, the bear in my house was a hairbrush.

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My granddaughter Athena, who navigates sensory processing challenges, threw the brush down in frustration.

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In that split second, I felt the old fight rising in my chest. My old school motherboard wanted to demand compliance. It wanted to bark an order about respect. Instead, I took an executive pause. I realized that the bear I was afraid of a morning devolved into tears was in my own imagination. I stayed regulated. I invited Athena to breathe with me.

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We didn't just get through the knots. We found a strategic compromise involving conditioner and calm.

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We traded a battle for a hug that is the ROI of staying in your calm bubble.

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Today's guest is a powerhouse in the field of human development.

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Melissa Schultz is a Board Certified Behavior Analyst with over 20 years of experience on the front lines working with severe behavioral disorders and the caregivers who lead them. She holds a Master's degree in Counseling and has successfully consulted for hundreds of families across the country specializing in high needs environments including children who are strong willed, deeply feeling or navigating neurodiversity.

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What makes Melissa a unicorn in our space is our high level integration of the most sophisticated tools available today. She doesn't just offer parenting tips.

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She blends polyvagal theory, neuroscience and applied behavior analysis with a deep focus on mindfulness and mindset work. She's here today to help us audit our own internal motherboards and teach us how to lead with calm, unapologetic confidence, no matter what the data at the bathroom mirror is telling us. Please welcome to the boardroom the architect of the guide process, Melissa Schultz.

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Welcome to our show. Melissa, so nice to have you here.

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I'm so excited to be here. Thank you for having me. You're welcome. We're calling you to speak to us about this new way of raising grandchildren that many of us grandparents just, it's not the way we were raised, it's not what we're familiar with. And we talk about high level strategies for all kinds of child rearing. But for grandparents that are raising grandchildren, most of our issues resolve around difficulties with kids that have been through trauma. And.

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We don't know what to do a lot of times. And we don't know why the methods that we used to use or that our parents used with us don't work. But you've spent 20 years as a coach, and so we're excited to hear what you have to say about why these parenting tools that were used 30 years ago seemed to work. But when we apply them to these neurodiverse or high needs children that we're raising today, they don't. Please help us. Yeah. Well, thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here. And I think. So, like, context, right? I'm 41 right now, so I'm a millennial. My parents are grandparents and they're in their late 60s. And then I'm a mom of three. So I have a, a 12 year old, 10 year old and 4 year old. And two of my kids are neurodiverse. And so I think one of the big things I've noticed is like, first I want to start by saying, like, everyone is doing the very best they can. Every parent is doing the best they can. My parents did the very best they could. Their parents did the very best they could. But absolutely, there's so like, yeah, there's no judgment ever. Right.

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But I don't want anyone to hear that. Yeah. I think what I've noticed, like, generationally is maybe especially like a lot of millennials my age were kind of just raised with more of the, like, like more the kind of the toxic positivity. Right.

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Like, just be happy, don't cry. Right. Way of describing it. Yeah. Like, where it's like, if you're upset, you need to go to your room. Right. Like, and like, that's not acceptable.

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And, and that was a lot of parents trying their very know, probably like, you know, trying to learn more tools from their parents.

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But what they have learned, with lots of research on that now is that that taught a generation to like, look good on the outside and behave, but not be okay on the inside and not know how to manage those feelings that are coming up and not really feeling like it's safe to have feelings because I just should be happy. So why am I feeling mad or sad or disappointed? Pointed. And so I mean, it's a, it's complicated. Right. Like, giving any one reason of why there's this challenge would be oversimplifying, but that is associated now with much higher risk or higher levels of anxiety and depression and mental health issues for a lot of millennials. Because we do have all of those feelings and we didn't really learn what to do with it, how to process that in a healthy way. And we can't teach that to our kids if we don't know how first. So I feel like now a lot of my generation is realizing, seeing all the research on like, the importance and value of teaching kids how to feel.

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Right. Like, I can feel all your feelings are okay, but we're in charge of our behavior. And so what do I do? Like, I'll tell my four year old.

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Right. When your body is full of mad. Yeah. Like, how do we get the mad out of your body that's not hitting. Right. That's not yelling. Right. Like, what are the right ways to get that mad out?

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Because it's okay to feel mad, but it's not, not okay to hit or spit or whatever fun things they're doing. Right. And so I think it's a little bit like the blind leading the blind though, because a lot of my generation doesn't know. We don't know what to do with our mad. So we're like trying to tell our kid and we don't know. Right.

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That I find that to be a mess that oftentimes my husband will get into because especially as a man, he was raised not to express his feelings. Exactly. So he's getting angry. Or you can only express anger if you're a man.

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That's the only acceptable emotion. Right, Right.

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So he's expressing anger when the kids are having a meltdown and trying to teach him about how to stop making a child's meltdown about his past is. I just sort of put my hands up in the air when it's going on and then I talk to the kids later on. But yeah, how can we decode.

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How can we decode the system and begin distinguishing between the operating system and the experience that's going on at the time? Yeah, I think. I mean, one thing that would be, I think, really helpful to share here, and I don't know if this has already been talked about on the podcast a lot, but just like, how our nervous system impacts everything, especially when we are helping kids or grandkids with trauma or just bigger feelings or strong needs. And so our. Our autonomic nervous system is that, like, fight or flight response. It's like that survival response. And so we all have our zone of regulation, our zone of tolerance. And it's supposed to be this big zone that we can live in. And normally we have our feelings and they pass. We have feelings and they pass, and there's lots of space for those ups and downs, but we're still overall regulated. Okay. And then how it's supposed to work is then if there is an actual threat to our survival, like a bear. Right. Our fight or flight kicks in, which means all the blood actually leaves our brain. It goes to our arms and legs. So we're ready to run away. You know, I recommend running and not fighting from the bear, but, like, that's what it's getting us prepared to do. But what happens when we are parenting or grandparenting or just raising kids, and we're under the chronic stress of family situations, of balancing life, of all the behaviors that are coming up, is our zone of tolerance actually shrinks. It gets really small. And so now we're looking at a very thin amount of emotions that we are able to have without being triggered into fight or flight.

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And our fight or flight response kicks in not for actual threats of survival, but like when someone left a sock on the floor for like the third, 13th time. Right. That's a great way of thinking of it.

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Yeah. And so then in those moments now, the blood is out of our brain, so we can't use our reasoning. We can't remember what Melissa said on that podcast that one time. We can't remember that really great plan that we had for next time. Right. Yeah. That's why sometimes it's like, just stay calm and just be more patient. Isn't working because, like, literally that part of our brain is shut off, and we're like, all the blood is just ready to fight, which can turn into yelling at these little people.

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And this is kind of further complicated by the fact that kids co regulate with us. So sometimes when there's trauma, that attachment is already More challenging.

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But also then they're reacting to our reaction. They're reacting to our. Yeah. If we are not calm, they can't calm down. So when we're yelling at them to calm down and we're in fight or flight. Right. It doesn't even matter. Like, their nervous system is responding to our nervous system. And you think about with little kids, right. When they fall, they look up at you to see if you're hurt. Right. Am I right? And when you're calm, they don't really. Yeah. And so this is kind of the same thing. It's all happening unconsciously.

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It's not something that we're seeing. But if my nervous system is triggered in fight or flight. And if you think about it again, this makes a lot of sense biologically, because way back when, when, you know, bears were a big thing, we would want to send that message to our young. So we were all mobilized to fight or flight quickly if we had to escape an actual emergency.

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So part of what you're saying is that we're going through a developmental change as human beings to adapt to our environments.

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Yeah, that's definitely part of it. Because we don't need to react to the bear. Exactly. But we need to learn to communicate better so that our reactions are less triggering. Yeah. And we need to learn how to regulate ourselves first. Regulate. So. So that way the calm. I think of it as like a calm bubble can like, spread out of us and envelop the little people in front of us that are having the big feelings or behaviors or meltdowns. It's not gonna solve it, but it's gonna be much more helpful if we are doing it from a regulated place. Cause then they can at least try to match our regulation. Cause their nervous system isn't even developed yet. So tell us how your five step calibration helps us when our brains have gotten small. Yes. Okay. So my five step process is called guide. And this is actually. It's a. A little bit different. This is how we can respond to any challenging behavior of any kid in any stage. So this is more looking at that behavior. That's great. It's based on all the research of human behavior and kid behavior. And so I'll give you a quick highlight of the five steps. Okay. So if you wanted to take your grandkids through this process, like, the first step is you're gonna think that you're gathering data. You're gonna think about the one behavior that's kind of the biggest problem or bothering you the most, or just the most disruptive in your home. And we're just gonna work on one thing at once.

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Right. Sometimes with parenting stuff, we're like, I need to fix this. Oh, and I need to fix that and that and that. And then, you know, I'm gonna. No more screen. So we're just gonna work on why they don't get their shoes on in the morning or. Yes. Yeah. Take it one thing at a time, and then you're gonna build on that success. It's much less overwhelming. So we pick one thing, and then we just start noticing that behavior. So we start maybe writing down every time it happens. What happens before, what happens after, how long is it lasting? Okay. So now we actually have something where when we are intentionally trying interventions and later steps, we can actually see if it's getting better or not. Instead of, like, guessing. Right. Sometimes if I've had a hard day, I'm like, oh, my gosh, she tantrum for 20 minutes. But if I'm in a good mood, I'm like, oh, it was probably, like, three minutes. And I'm just. And we need to feel we're making. Progress, and we need to see the progress. We need to know that what we're doing is working and not keep doing something that's not working.

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So that's the first step. That's pretty easy. You pick something, start taking some notes. Right. The second step. Did you pick the most challenging thing? Like, something that would really make you feel marked improvement? If you have, like. If you have support from someone like me, then yes, I always start with the biggest thing. If you're trying it on your own, you might want to, like, start with something that feels manageable.

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Okay. Yeah. But that's usually what I'll do for my clients. Like, what is the biggest thing that will give you the biggest win? Let's knock that out. And then you have so much more energy and space to work on the next things.

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Okay. So then we move on to step two, which is understanding your triggers.

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And that is where we look inside ourselves and we ask our questions about why this behavior bothers us so, so much.

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And sometimes it just seems obvious. Right. Like, they should just put their shoes on. And, like, of course I should be upset about that. But actually, we have lots of different reasons why that bothers us. Yeah. Some of us are stressed about being late. Some of us are stressed because our. You know, we're. We feel disrespected. Some of us like it. It's bringing up a lot of big emotions in us. Right. And we don't know how to deal with that.

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So we're kind of blaming the kid. So what we want. They say kids can push all your buttons. Right. I think I'm gonna snip that connection.

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So they press the button. But no longer is that attached to your emotions.

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No longer is anything happening when they do that thing.

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I love that thought. Yeah. So. And then that. So that's where that regulation comes in. Where. Now I have worked on this, my thoughts about this behavior, how I think about this behavior, how I understand this behavior, my perspective on it. And so I'm no longer triggered into fight over fight or flight over it. It's no. My body's no longer signaling this as an emergency.

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Like, oh, yeah, okay, they're on the floor and they're throwing some stuff, and I totally know why. And it doesn't have to be a problem. And I can stay regulated. Great. Step three. So what's the next step? Yeah, so step three is now we're going to understand or, like, identify the cause of the behavior. So this is like, why are they doing it? So. So every behavior is a way a child is trying to communicate with us. It's always communication. It's never on purpose. Right. But the same behavior could be communicating different things. Like, you could have two kids doing the exact same meltdown next to each other and be doing it for totally different reasons.

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So this is where a lot of the general parenting strategies can fall flat. Because you might be searching how to stop my kid from hitting.

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And it gives, you know, Google gives you a beautiful list. But the kids hit for different reasons. And so we don't want to respond to what they're doing. We want to respond to why they're doing it. What need that behavior is meeting. Because otherwise we're like weed whacking. We're just like whacking at the weeds. And of course they keep coming back. We want to get to the root of the issue because there's a skill or motivation or something that's missing. And that's why they need.

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That's why they're engaging in that behavior. If we can teach them more appropriate ways to meet that need, they don't even need that behavior anymore. Right.

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And so that's. That next step is just why are they doing it? And then the fourth step is now we're going to work on. Now that we know the why, we're going to work on teaching them more appropriate behaviors. Right. Like, if you are melting down because you're overwhelmed with homework. All right. I'm going to teach you how to recognize when you're overwhelmed and ask for help or ask for a break.

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We're going to practice that all day long. Right. I would much rather you say, hey, I need a break, than melt on the floor and throw your pencil. Right.

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So that's progress. And, yeah, I will give you that break and then we'll come back. And so we're always, like, moving step by step, you know, more and more towards independence and sustained focus. But where we start is you're just not throwing your pencil anymore, and that's a win. You're saying, I need a break right now. Great. So we're really looking at, like, what can we change in the environment? What skills skills can we be teaching them so they don't need to do that behavior as much anymore or as intense anymore? And then the very last step.

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Oh, sorry, were you gonna say something? No. Okay. I'm excited to hear the next step. Okay. The last step is, like, how to respond when the challenging behavior happens again in a way that keeps the connection with them and is not accidentally reinforcing that behavior so that it keeps happening.

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And so that's like always what people want, you know, like, what do I do when my kid isn't listening? Or what do I do when my kid smacks me?

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Right. They want to know what to do after. And it's very intentional that that is the last step of five because we have to do the other things first. And when you do the other things first, the last step is much easier to follow through on. It's much more clear. You have a lot more confidence in staying consistent with that and you're not so triggered. So it's much easier to actually do it versus just going into fight or flight. I would think so, yeah.

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I think this sounds like a really effective way of working with these problems, these issues. And tell us now where the listeners can get your book or find out more about your course studies.

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Yeah, I don't have a book yet. It's in the works. But they can go to my website. It's www.melissa Schultz.

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And that's M E L I S S A S C H U L Z as in zebra. And I have a free E guide that you can download to get on my email list. I do free events every month or most months, like webinars for parents and grandparents, so lots of resources.

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Oh, that sounds wonderful. We'll definitely put those links in the show notes as well because I know I needed to practice spelling.

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Your last Name correctly. Yes, everyone does. I blame my husband. Well, I think this is a great project for, number one, a journaling exercise. And I always encourage people to journal.

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I do, whenever I have the chance. And usually in the mornings or the evenings, the kids are in bed or before they get up. And it seems like also something that you could put on a dry erase board so that we could remember. Okay, let's do step one. Brains are getting small. And kids. Kids love visuals, right? Totally. Yeah.

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So I think that's what I'm going to do for our family, because I like that this is a. This is a practice that would really work well in our family and I hope it would in many others. I'm sure it would. Well, that's really exciting. I think this is a really effective way to take apart an issue that is probably affecting a lot of kinship caregivers. But I would think in this probably works for many young families as well. Yes. Yeah. And what I love is like a lot of the more behavioral approaches are not very trauma friendly. They're not really. They're not appropriate for kids that have been through trauma. Yes. And so what this approach is really just like, it's. You can customize it so well for your kids and their experience. It is, it does work well for kids with trauma. We would just make sure we're incorporating that into all the steps and know that's going to be an added layer for them. Yeah, of course. We want to behavior through that, through that lens, not just what they're doing, but that's part of the why. And also, it just brings so much hope that like, we can always be working on teaching our kids better behaviors in a really connected way.

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And like, my kids have diagnoses too. Right.

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I know people are raising grandkids with different diagnoses and everything. And so like, I just refuse to believe that that means my life is gonna be hard or that their life is gonna be somehow broken.

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I'm like, we can still have all the joy. My kids are gonna still have some behaviors. Cause that's the way works and that's okay.

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But I am not triggered by it. I am ready for it. I can handle it. We can still have the best day, all of us, and really enjoy our time together, even when we're having a hard time. And that's like really what I want, that hope, that potential to bring to all families struggling well.

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And I think it checks a lot of boxes for me for that reason, because I think I want to leave a greater legacy for my Grandkids. I think this is. Addresses familial issues that I feel like I can be a part of changing. I think that it involves better communication, which I think everyone can use, and I think it's. Can be a really great way for families to spend time together. You know, I really believe that sometime in every day, whenever possible, that it doesn't matter whether you're reading a book or watching a movie or playing a game together or talking about these sort of things, kids feel. My grandparents spent time with me today. My parents spend time with me, my family, we spend time together as a family nucleus. I think that that's just a very important part of having a healthy day with a child. And so many times we as grandparents are tired or exhausted. But it's amazing how when you have. When you do an activity like this with a child, how rewarding it feels for everyone involved. Yeah.

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I love that you mentioned just that generational change, too, because I know a lot of people talk about, like, you know, generational wealth, and I want to pass down generational wealth and, like, personally, like, that would be super nice, but my priority is passing down generational health. And so I, as an adult, have been on a journey to learn how can I regulate my own emotions so that I can teach my kids that as they're growing. And that gift, when you're teaching your grandkids that when they're little, from the beginning, this is what you do with that matter.

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This is what you do with that worry now. Like, they're.

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They're not going to have to struggle as adults. They're not going to have to teach that to themselves while they're raising kids. So I am creating for my grandkids that do not exist yet and I hope are, you know, very far away in the future. But, like, you know, they're gonna. My grandkids are gonna have parents who know emotional health, who were. Who were raised knowing how to regulate their own emotions, and they won't have to do the work to learn it. Yeah.

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And so that's, like, the best gift I am giving my kids and my future grandchildren. Like many of our episodes, this is one that can apply to all families. And I always post as well on my personal website. I'll make sure that I do, especially for this episode, because I think these are issues that this is something that could help all families. Yes.

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Well, I have three standard questions that I ask all of my interviewees, and the first one is a systematic question. So in your 12 years running a behavioral health company, what do you see as the biggest support gap that you see for grandparents parenting neurodiverse children without a formal diagnosis or state funding?

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Yes. So I mean, there's nothing like. It's not a gap, it's like a gaping, it's like a black hole. Yeah.

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Wow. And so I think that's a huge challenge. Like, so what the. The company I owned was like an ABA company. So some states offer this through insurance. It just kind of, it's like behavioral health. It is. Insurance will only pay for it in certain states if a child has a diagnosis of autism. And so I noticed that was a huge gap that kids couldn't get. The services were very effective for the kid, but you couldn't even get it until you go through an often year long assessment process and qualify. And then it's. It was very frustrating that you had to have just that one diagnosis to qualify because it works for everything. Like all kids can benefit from it. But then also partly the reason why I moved on from that company and I'm doing parent coaching now is because there was a huge gap in. It was like, like if I was, I was running the company a lot, but if I was on an actual clinical team with a family, which I was sometimes as the, the certified behavior analyst, I would have like maybe 15 minutes with the caregivers to be like, you know, I maybe give them like this beautiful eight page behavior plan. This is exactly what you do for these behaviors. Right. And I would like hand them this big report and then like, okay, I'm out. I'll see you next month. And there were so many different reasons why parents couldn't implement this long plan on their own when they don't really even think it's gonna work. They're so exhausted and overwhelmed and they don't have, you know, they're just so. Already so worried about being judged and now they don't want to look like they don't understand, but maybe they don't. And so that's why I switched to parent coaching is because I can help with all the behavior stuff and all the things that parents and grandparents really need to be able to follow that behavior plan, which is the emotional regulation, is the mindset, it is the capacity. It's like, how do I have more energy and time so I can do what matters most? And so that was like a huge gap I found missing for kids that are diagnosed and are maybe getting some funding. So does your program apply for under a certain category?

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And let's say a lot of our parents Have I always get this wrong? Medicaid.

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Does Medicaid cover. It does not. Yeah. I don't accept medical insurance kind of for that reason. It was just so. So limiting. And I wanted to do everything with a lot of therapists, unfortunately. Yeah. It's a. That's another systematic. Huge problem right now is insurance is so challenging to work with that. And if people that are really experienced and good are no longer even accepting insurance because it's just too much of a hassle and it's too limiting.

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But then also, we're paying all this money for insurance. We want to be able to use it for, you know, for these kids. But I think that it's awesome that you offer it as a download to share with families that can't afford to do your counseling. It's a wonderful gift that you're giving people, and I do appreciate that. Yeah.

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Taboo question. Why do you think there's so much guilt when a grandparent realizes they love the child but don't like the behavior?

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How do they separate the person from the disorder without losing their own empathy? Yeah.

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I think every. I don't know, most parents, if not every single parent and grandparent has had that thought. Every caregiver has had that thought when their kid is melting down, but no one talks about it.

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So everyone feels like they're the only one and then feels really guilty about it.

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Like, we think that we shouldn't have that thought or like, it's almost like that toxic positivity coming back. Right. Just love everything. Just be happy.

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Just, you know, the. The years are so short. Just enjoy it. But, like, when they're melting down or, you know, hitting like, that's telling myself just to enjoy it and be happy is not helpful. It's just adding more guilt on. Thank you for give us. Giving us that permission.

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Yeah. Just permission to think what you think and feel how you feel in those moments and, like, show up for yourself with a lot of compassion from. For when you're going through the hard thing. But then. And so that's actually how we, like, if we get stuck in judgment and shame, we stay there. Yes. Shame actually keeps us stuck. We feel like if we beat ourselves up enough or are hard enough on ourselves, that will help us change our behavior. And it's the opposite that keeps us stuck. So true. But if we can approach ourselves with more kindness and be like, oh, my gosh, that was really hard when he was doing that. And I did. Didn't like, you know, that behavior or him very much. Right. I'll even joke with my husband. Like in marriages. Right. It's like, I, yeah, I love you, but like, I like you is the even better compliment after you've been married for a long time. Right. Like, I still even like you.

00:33:12.889 --> 00:33:27.129
Absolutely. I love you, but I like you. I still want to live with you after. Yeah. And so, so I think that that's true for our kids too. And maybe there are moments that we don't like our husband or we don't like our kids or we don't like ourselves because of.

00:33:28.569 --> 00:33:35.609
That's okay. When that happens, instead of beating yourself up, I would just bring back to curiosity. But how am I feeling right now?

00:33:35.609 --> 00:34:11.710
What's happening for me right now? Right. And then how do I want to show up next time in that situation? And maybe how can I change my perspective or how can I understand my child a little bit more? But it has to start with me coming from a place of compassion for myself, so that way I can extend it to my kid. And someone, a psychologist, pointed out to me once in an interview that anger is a secondary emotion. Yes. And I thought that has just been a brilliant thought to remember every time I get really upset about a behavior and go, this is coming from somewhere else. Yeah. Where is it coming from? Yes.

00:34:12.269 --> 00:34:14.829
And just always remember that. Exactly right.

00:34:16.190 --> 00:34:34.720
Thank you. If the policy question, if we could mandate behavioral literacy training for all of these kinship families, how much do you think that would reduce the rate of placement disruptions and caregiver burnout?

00:34:35.200 --> 00:34:42.559
Oh, my gosh. I mean, I think that would really, really help, I can tell you.

00:34:42.639 --> 00:34:57.419
My husband and I went through in California the foster care training process for a while. We almost completed it. And then there was Covid and then we were blessed with our 4 year old. So we didn't complete that process. You thought you'd wait a little while anyway?

00:34:57.419 --> 00:35:22.980
Yeah, yeah. But so I went. They did have some behavior training, you know, there that we were sitting with, but it was like very simple. And like if you go to a training, I forget what the percentage is, but people retain maybe like 30 or 40% of what's said in one training. And so I think even that is just like if we think like just putting people in an eight hour course on behavior, like even that's not going to be enough.

00:35:23.569 --> 00:35:27.409
So what I have noticed works best is like really ongoing support, right?

00:35:27.409 --> 00:36:45.148
Like maybe. Yes, let's sit down and talk about the issue. Like let's teach you the guide process. But now let's walk through it as you do it in Real life. Let's troubleshoot it. Let's ask questions. Let me encourage you in those hard times. So, like, yes, 100%. We need the foundation so we can implement. But also, just a training isn't enough. Yes, Agreed. Great. Well, I think this whole episode and conversation was extremely helpful for me. I'm sure it was. To all the listeners, thank you so much for taking time out of your precious day as a mother of three. Thank you for having me. This has been a pleasure. And it sounds like your work has got to be very rewarding. Yes. Oh, I love it. It's the best. It's like, my favorite. Such a. Like, your podcast has such an impact on the world. This is like, my impact is like, yeah, how can I just help this next generation raise more people that can, like, feel their feelings in a healthy way? Like, what would the world be like if most adults can actually just, like, have human emotions and take responsibility for them and still be in control of their behavior however they're feeling? Like the world would look very, very different if we could master that. That's wonderful.

00:36:45.148 --> 00:36:54.748
I can't wait to share your process with the rest of the world in the book, too. Yeah. So exciting. Thanks, Melissa, for joining us today. Yes, thank you so much.

00:36:57.068 --> 00:37:15.639
I want you to step into the reflection room with me. Ask yourself today, is my house a compliance culture or a connection culture? When the next meltdown happens, whether it's the child's or yours, can you find the executive pause?

00:37:16.359 --> 00:37:22.759
I challenge you to pick just one behavior this week and use Melissa's first step. Gather the data.

00:37:23.559 --> 00:37:26.839
Don't try to fix it yet, just notice it.

00:37:27.319 --> 00:37:30.439
What is the behavior trying to communicate to you?

00:37:31.089 --> 00:38:40.269
For more information on the five step guide to CO regulation, visit Melissa's website. I promise you it works. Join us next week for a conversation that will completely change how you look at the dark seasons of your life. I'm sitting down with Kevin Lowe, a songwriter, podcast host, and a leader who lost his eyesight but found a vision that most of us are still searching for. If you've ever felt like you're navigating in the dark with your grandchildren or wondering how to rewrite a life story that was cut short, Kevin is going to show you how to find your rhythm when the music changes. You won't want to miss his perspective on how to lead. When you can't see the finish line. We are 2.7 million strong, still nurturing, and still here we are snipping the emotional wires that keep us reactive so we can become the proactive leaders our grandchildren deserve. Your heart is the most important asset on the balance sheet. Keep nurturing, keep leading, and I'll see you in the next boardroom.