Dec. 8, 2025
Journal Entry: The Grandparent Paradox- Navigating Parental Re-Entry
Are you a grandparent who’s become the unexpected parent, suddenly responsible for raising your grandchildren? Are you navigating complex emotions, challenging family dynamics, and difficult decisions you never anticipated? Do you feel the loss of retirement freedom, longing to simply be the “fun grandparent,” while finding yourself as the primary source of stability, discipline, and guidance?
I’m Laura Brazan, host of 'Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Nurturing Through Adversity.' In this episode, I share a raw, unfiltered journal entry about the realities of role reversal—when the line between grandparent and parent blurs, and hope collides with heartbreak. We’ll explore common struggles: working with biological parents, setting boundaries, facing legal and financial responsibilities, and coping with the emotional highs and lows inherent to kinship care.
Tune in to hear honest reflections, practical advice, and stories from real families who are rewriting their grandchildren’s futures. Together, we'll build a supportive community, discuss trauma-informed parenting, and offer resources to help you foster resilience, hope, and healing.
Join us for Episode 90: Journal Entry – The Unexpected Parent: Navigating a Role Reversal, and discover you are not alone on this journey. Find inspiration, connection, and the strength to nurture your family through adversity.
Thank you for tuning into today's episode. It's been a journey of shared stories, insights, and invaluable advice from the heart of a community that knows the beauty and challenges of raising grandchildren. Your presence and engagement mean the world to us and to grandparents everywhere stepping up in ways they never imagined.
Remember, you're not alone on this journey. For more resources, support, and stories, visit our website and follow us on our social media channels. If today's episode moved you, consider sharing it with someone who might find comfort and connection in our shared experiences.
We look forward to bringing more stories and expert advice your way next week. Until then, take care of yourselves and each other.
Want to be a guest on Grandparents Raising Grandchildren: Nurturing Through Adversity? Send Laura Brazan a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/grg
Liked this episode? Share it and tag us on Facebook @GrandparentsRaisingGrandchilden
Love the show? Leave a review and let us know!
00:00 - "Mother's Redemption, Father's Absence"
03:44 - Navigating Parenthood and Grandparenthood
07:30 - Faith, Fear, and Trust
11:42 - "Grandparents' Boundaries and Resilience"
WEBVTT
00:00:02.240 --> 00:00:06.000
Welcome back. Today's episode is a little bit different.
00:00:06.959 --> 00:00:10.240
I'm going to share with you a raw, unfiltered journal entry.
00:00:11.119 --> 00:00:33.840
I'm opening up about the personal, sometimes messy feelings that I've encountered while navigating the complex role of being a grandparent raising a grandchild. And my goal in sharing these quiet thoughts is to connect with you. If you are dealing with similar complex family dynamics, please know this. You are not alone.
00:00:36.799 --> 00:00:51.439
Welcome to Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Nurturing Through Adversity. In this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren.
00:00:53.039 --> 00:01:25.180
As we navigate the complexities of legal, financial, and emotional support. I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expert advice, we will explore the nuances of childrearing for children who have experienced trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of kinship care.
00:01:27.930 --> 00:01:45.370
We'll discuss how we can change the course of history by rewriting our grandchildren's future, all within a supportive community that understands the unique joys and struggles. This podcast was made especially for you.
00:01:46.810 --> 00:01:55.829
Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, your experiences are valued, and your journey is honored.
00:02:05.989 --> 00:02:23.860
This is a truth that my husband and I have not verbally spoken aloud to each other. We always held the deeply entrenched assumption that our child, the children's father, would inherently be the more stable, responsible presence in their lives.
00:02:25.219 --> 00:02:31.780
However, the last few years have delivered a startling and humbling reversal of those expectations.
00:02:33.860 --> 00:02:41.139
The dynamic is even more complicated because we, the wider family, never cared for her in the first place.
00:02:42.180 --> 00:02:45.219
We saw her as the bad influence on our son.
00:02:46.599 --> 00:03:08.520
Yet, despite a challenging past that includes struggles with neglect and time spent in the system, the children's mother has made a remarkable turnaround. She is clean, consistent, and maintains regular contact with the children. Although it's only been a little over a year, the contrast to this commitment is painful.
00:03:09.400 --> 00:03:17.400
Our son, the one we expected to be their anchor, hasn't called or checked in on his kids in almost two years.
00:03:19.639 --> 00:04:14.479
This unexpected shift forces us to navigate a massive, uncomfortable question. While we couldn't choose our children's partners, we now find ourselves needing to actively cultivate a working relationship with the woman who is showing up, our grandchildren's mother precisely because our own child has chosen to be absent. How do we responsibly build a framework of trust and establish co parenting peace within this profound and unexpected family paradox? I want to dive into the grandparent paradox, that space where the role you envisioned and the role you were handed violently collide this week. The contrast between the life I had hoped for and the life I have has been a brutal lesson in emotional whiplash.
00:04:15.199 --> 00:04:22.800
And the deepest conflict I'm wrestling with right now is a split personality. I want to be a grandparent.
00:04:23.519 --> 00:05:15.569
I have to be a parent. My great lingering, selfish hope was that this stage would bring a break. That we'd finally get back to our lives, remove ourselves one degree and just be the normal, spoiling, fun time grandparents. You know, the kind you read about in storybooks. The reality we are still legally, financially and emotionally their primary parental figures. I catch myself breathing a small, almost imperceptible sigh of relief when I settle into the quiet, comfortable rhythm of routine. It is a fragile victory built on the silent agreement that the biological parent remains absent. This is the low, the deep, secure comfort of control.
00:05:17.968 --> 00:05:31.519
But when that biological parent steps back into the picture, even for a brief court mandated visit, that dream of freedom, stability and unchallenged guardianship is instantly shatters.
00:05:33.120 --> 00:05:51.120
It's a violent, destabilizing force that brings a tidal wave of anxiety. The highest stability is instantly replaced by the terrifying low of uncertainty. It's the moment I flash with pure, ugly anger.
00:05:51.680 --> 00:05:58.560
I've lost my retirement. I've lost my ability to just be grandma.
00:05:59.709 --> 00:06:14.350
Instead, I'm the bad guy. I'm the one who sets the rules, enforces discipline and says no. While the mother gets to be the weekend parent, the easy, fun one who just indulges.
00:06:16.029 --> 00:06:33.810
That is a tough pill to swallow. I am resentful. I am tired. I am the default. This week was all about the boundary breakdown. It's those specific, frustrating examples that make the fear flood back.
00:06:35.329 --> 00:06:51.970
We are the legal guardians. But my concerns keep mounting as I. See the biological parent allowing inappropriate social media engagement or indulging the kids with expensive, unnecessary gifts while claiming poverty for basic necessities.
00:06:55.009 --> 00:07:16.930
All the old anxieties come rushing back. I've worked so hard to create boundaries, protect them and teach them values. Seeing this behavior, a voice screams in my head. She will never be a fit parent. We have to shut her out. This is the defensive, protective high.
00:07:17.649 --> 00:07:38.850
The the feeling that I am their shield and all powerful. I'm stuck between wanting to control the narrative and knowing I have to believe in something bigger. My head says it's healthy for them to know their birth mother. My heart says protect them at all costs.
00:07:39.810 --> 00:07:43.490
It makes you wonder, can people really change?
00:07:44.370 --> 00:07:51.250
Can they? And yet, as a person of faith, I have to believe they can.
00:07:52.689 --> 00:08:56.230
This is the exhausting low, the paralysis of a good heart fighting a defensive mind. I have to let them eventually figure out on their own who their parents truly are. I have to trust. I have to acknowledge what the children are feeling too. And this is perhaps the most painful low. They are understandably excited to be spoiled and free of boundaries. They're excited to have their mother back. They have someone who is just there to indulge them while we are the responsible, tired ones who have to discipline. The mother becomes the novelty. There's a complete loss of reality perception for them right now. And despite everything, the abuse, the neglect, the trauma, my granddaughter cried this week saying she missed her mother.
00:08:58.230 --> 00:09:10.960
That simple, complex, undeniable mother child bond is one of the hardest things I have to navigate and it is the one thing I cannot replace.
00:09:14.799 --> 00:10:22.919
Amidst the chaos, there was a moment of grace. My husband, normally the sterner one of the two of us, reminded me of a simple fact that gave me a much needed anchor, pulling me out of the emotional low and back to a centered high. We are still their legal parents. We are responsible for their upbringing until we deem their biological parents fit. I had written a terse, rather venomous letter listing every issue I had. I gave it to him to read. He encouraged me to temper my sentiments, reminding me that we are trying to foster a healthy relationship, not win a legal battle. So my action plan is simple but vital. A healthy, balanced perspective. I need to encourage her as a mother and yet also gently and firmly guide her by holding the line on non negotiable boundaries.
00:10:24.759 --> 00:10:28.120
I need to be positive and aware, not naive.
00:10:29.000 --> 00:10:34.200
I need to be realistic and yet hold out hope for the impossible.
00:10:36.600 --> 00:10:50.669
I will continue to ask for guidance and trust that growth is never over. My goal is to be a healthy example to my grandchildren and leave a greater legacy for them.
00:10:53.950 --> 00:11:08.509
The conclusion of this week's reflection is that although I am embracing a stance of active, hopeful vigilance. This is a time of feeling very imperfectly human and not in control.
00:11:09.950 --> 00:11:12.350
Totally not where I felt six months ago.
00:11:14.679 --> 00:11:28.919
We are not stepping down from our role, but we are learning to soften our edges, to foster growth, trusting that a functional relationship, even if it's not the one we wanted, is still possible.
00:11:29.960 --> 00:12:02.919
I know so many of you are living right in the middle of this same grandparent paradox, trying to be the consistent parent while navigating the emotional push and pull of the biological one. If you've ever felt that flash of anger, that fear of being the bad guy, or that impossible challenge of trying to love your child while protecting your grandchildren. I want to hear from you what's the hardest boundary you've had to enforce recently and how did you talk yourself through the fear?
00:12:03.799 --> 00:13:17.200
Post your comments on our private community page, on Facebook at Grandparents Raising Grandchildren or or on Instagram randparentspodcast or leave us an email on our website at grandparents raising grandchildren.org Next week I hope you'll join us as we Revisit Lubim Kogan, five time first generation immigrant, 911 survivor and founder of Wings for Heroes to discover the source of his remarkable resilience. It's a very inspiring story. Lubeam, who rebuilds the lives of amputee veterans, credits his own success to the grandmother that raised him, a woman who taught him to lead when there was no system, no money and no applause. Lubeam reveals the Grandma system, the core principles of resourcefulness, discipline and emotional stability that allowed him to thrive through trauma and build a world changing mission. Thank you for tuning in to Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Nurturing Through Adversity. Remember, you are not alone. Together we can find strength and hope.
00:13:17.279 --> 00:13:29.840
In the face of adversity. Peace be with you and I pray that you find some time this week to listen to your inner wisdom amongst the noise and the pandemonium of this world.
00:00:02.240 --> 00:00:06.000
Welcome back. Today's episode is a little bit different.
00:00:06.959 --> 00:00:10.240
I'm going to share with you a raw, unfiltered journal entry.
00:00:11.119 --> 00:00:33.840
I'm opening up about the personal, sometimes messy feelings that I've encountered while navigating the complex role of being a grandparent raising a grandchild. And my goal in sharing these quiet thoughts is to connect with you. If you are dealing with similar complex family dynamics, please know this. You are not alone.
00:00:36.799 --> 00:00:51.439
Welcome to Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Nurturing Through Adversity. In this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren.
00:00:53.039 --> 00:01:25.180
As we navigate the complexities of legal, financial, and emotional support. I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expert advice, we will explore the nuances of childrearing for children who have experienced trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of kinship care.
00:01:27.930 --> 00:01:45.370
We'll discuss how we can change the course of history by rewriting our grandchildren's future, all within a supportive community that understands the unique joys and struggles. This podcast was made especially for you.
00:01:46.810 --> 00:01:55.829
Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, your experiences are valued, and your journey is honored.
00:02:05.989 --> 00:02:23.860
This is a truth that my husband and I have not verbally spoken aloud to each other. We always held the deeply entrenched assumption that our child, the children's father, would inherently be the more stable, responsible presence in their lives.
00:02:25.219 --> 00:02:31.780
However, the last few years have delivered a startling and humbling reversal of those expectations.
00:02:33.860 --> 00:02:41.139
The dynamic is even more complicated because we, the wider family, never cared for her in the first place.
00:02:42.180 --> 00:02:45.219
We saw her as the bad influence on our son.
00:02:46.599 --> 00:03:08.520
Yet, despite a challenging past that includes struggles with neglect and time spent in the system, the children's mother has made a remarkable turnaround. She is clean, consistent, and maintains regular contact with the children. Although it's only been a little over a year, the contrast to this commitment is painful.
00:03:09.400 --> 00:03:17.400
Our son, the one we expected to be their anchor, hasn't called or checked in on his kids in almost two years.
00:03:19.639 --> 00:04:14.479
This unexpected shift forces us to navigate a massive, uncomfortable question. While we couldn't choose our children's partners, we now find ourselves needing to actively cultivate a working relationship with the woman who is showing up, our grandchildren's mother precisely because our own child has chosen to be absent. How do we responsibly build a framework of trust and establish co parenting peace within this profound and unexpected family paradox? I want to dive into the grandparent paradox, that space where the role you envisioned and the role you were handed violently collide this week. The contrast between the life I had hoped for and the life I have has been a brutal lesson in emotional whiplash.
00:04:15.199 --> 00:04:22.800
And the deepest conflict I'm wrestling with right now is a split personality. I want to be a grandparent.
00:04:23.519 --> 00:05:15.569
I have to be a parent. My great lingering, selfish hope was that this stage would bring a break. That we'd finally get back to our lives, remove ourselves one degree and just be the normal, spoiling, fun time grandparents. You know, the kind you read about in storybooks. The reality we are still legally, financially and emotionally their primary parental figures. I catch myself breathing a small, almost imperceptible sigh of relief when I settle into the quiet, comfortable rhythm of routine. It is a fragile victory built on the silent agreement that the biological parent remains absent. This is the low, the deep, secure comfort of control.
00:05:17.968 --> 00:05:31.519
But when that biological parent steps back into the picture, even for a brief court mandated visit, that dream of freedom, stability and unchallenged guardianship is instantly shatters.
00:05:33.120 --> 00:05:51.120
It's a violent, destabilizing force that brings a tidal wave of anxiety. The highest stability is instantly replaced by the terrifying low of uncertainty. It's the moment I flash with pure, ugly anger.
00:05:51.680 --> 00:05:58.560
I've lost my retirement. I've lost my ability to just be grandma.
00:05:59.709 --> 00:06:14.350
Instead, I'm the bad guy. I'm the one who sets the rules, enforces discipline and says no. While the mother gets to be the weekend parent, the easy, fun one who just indulges.
00:06:16.029 --> 00:06:33.810
That is a tough pill to swallow. I am resentful. I am tired. I am the default. This week was all about the boundary breakdown. It's those specific, frustrating examples that make the fear flood back.
00:06:35.329 --> 00:06:51.970
We are the legal guardians. But my concerns keep mounting as I. See the biological parent allowing inappropriate social media engagement or indulging the kids with expensive, unnecessary gifts while claiming poverty for basic necessities.
00:06:55.009 --> 00:07:16.930
All the old anxieties come rushing back. I've worked so hard to create boundaries, protect them and teach them values. Seeing this behavior, a voice screams in my head. She will never be a fit parent. We have to shut her out. This is the defensive, protective high.
00:07:17.649 --> 00:07:38.850
The the feeling that I am their shield and all powerful. I'm stuck between wanting to control the narrative and knowing I have to believe in something bigger. My head says it's healthy for them to know their birth mother. My heart says protect them at all costs.
00:07:39.810 --> 00:07:43.490
It makes you wonder, can people really change?
00:07:44.370 --> 00:07:51.250
Can they? And yet, as a person of faith, I have to believe they can.
00:07:52.689 --> 00:08:56.230
This is the exhausting low, the paralysis of a good heart fighting a defensive mind. I have to let them eventually figure out on their own who their parents truly are. I have to trust. I have to acknowledge what the children are feeling too. And this is perhaps the most painful low. They are understandably excited to be spoiled and free of boundaries. They're excited to have their mother back. They have someone who is just there to indulge them while we are the responsible, tired ones who have to discipline. The mother becomes the novelty. There's a complete loss of reality perception for them right now. And despite everything, the abuse, the neglect, the trauma, my granddaughter cried this week saying she missed her mother.
00:08:58.230 --> 00:09:10.960
That simple, complex, undeniable mother child bond is one of the hardest things I have to navigate and it is the one thing I cannot replace.
00:09:14.799 --> 00:10:22.919
Amidst the chaos, there was a moment of grace. My husband, normally the sterner one of the two of us, reminded me of a simple fact that gave me a much needed anchor, pulling me out of the emotional low and back to a centered high. We are still their legal parents. We are responsible for their upbringing until we deem their biological parents fit. I had written a terse, rather venomous letter listing every issue I had. I gave it to him to read. He encouraged me to temper my sentiments, reminding me that we are trying to foster a healthy relationship, not win a legal battle. So my action plan is simple but vital. A healthy, balanced perspective. I need to encourage her as a mother and yet also gently and firmly guide her by holding the line on non negotiable boundaries.
00:10:24.759 --> 00:10:28.120
I need to be positive and aware, not naive.
00:10:29.000 --> 00:10:34.200
I need to be realistic and yet hold out hope for the impossible.
00:10:36.600 --> 00:10:50.669
I will continue to ask for guidance and trust that growth is never over. My goal is to be a healthy example to my grandchildren and leave a greater legacy for them.
00:10:53.950 --> 00:11:08.509
The conclusion of this week's reflection is that although I am embracing a stance of active, hopeful vigilance. This is a time of feeling very imperfectly human and not in control.
00:11:09.950 --> 00:11:12.350
Totally not where I felt six months ago.
00:11:14.679 --> 00:11:28.919
We are not stepping down from our role, but we are learning to soften our edges, to foster growth, trusting that a functional relationship, even if it's not the one we wanted, is still possible.
00:11:29.960 --> 00:12:02.919
I know so many of you are living right in the middle of this same grandparent paradox, trying to be the consistent parent while navigating the emotional push and pull of the biological one. If you've ever felt that flash of anger, that fear of being the bad guy, or that impossible challenge of trying to love your child while protecting your grandchildren. I want to hear from you what's the hardest boundary you've had to enforce recently and how did you talk yourself through the fear?
00:12:03.799 --> 00:13:17.200
Post your comments on our private community page, on Facebook at Grandparents Raising Grandchildren or or on Instagram randparentspodcast or leave us an email on our website at grandparents raising grandchildren.org Next week I hope you'll join us as we Revisit Lubim Kogan, five time first generation immigrant, 911 survivor and founder of Wings for Heroes to discover the source of his remarkable resilience. It's a very inspiring story. Lubeam, who rebuilds the lives of amputee veterans, credits his own success to the grandmother that raised him, a woman who taught him to lead when there was no system, no money and no applause. Lubeam reveals the Grandma system, the core principles of resourcefulness, discipline and emotional stability that allowed him to thrive through trauma and build a world changing mission. Thank you for tuning in to Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Nurturing Through Adversity. Remember, you are not alone. Together we can find strength and hope.
00:13:17.279 --> 00:13:29.840
In the face of adversity. Peace be with you and I pray that you find some time this week to listen to your inner wisdom amongst the noise and the pandemonium of this world.
