WEBVTT

00:00:00.640 --> 00:00:52.450
Coming up next on Grandparents Raising Nurturing Through Adversity, we have an extraordinary guest today whose life story is a testament to leading with heart even when the path is anything but clear. Luvim Kogan, a five time immigrant, a Winter Olympian, an NYU graduate, a 911 survivor, and the visionary founder of wingsforheroes.org Lubeam's journey is truly unique, spanning the demanding world of Wall street to profound humanitarian missions. He's here to share his insights on what it means to lead when the odds are stacked against you. For many of you grandparents out there who have stepped up to raise your grandchildren, you understand what it means to lead when there's no clear path, no external support, and often lead no applause.

00:00:52.850 --> 00:01:11.730
Leuveen's story resonates deeply with that very resilience and selfless love. He embodies the spirit of turning adversity into action and finding strength in the most challenging circumstances. Don't miss this powerful conversation with Lou Beam. Next on Grandparents Raising Grandchildren.

00:01:16.209 --> 00:02:04.620
Welcome to Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Nurturing Through Adversity. In this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren as we navigate the complexities of legal, financial and emotional support. I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expert advice, we will explore the nuances of childrearing for children who have experienced trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of kinship care.

00:02:07.180 --> 00:02:24.740
We'll discuss how we can change the course of history by rewriting our grandchildren's future, all within a supportive community that understands the unique joys and and struggles. This podcast was made especially for you.

00:02:26.180 --> 00:02:35.219
Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, your experiences are valued, and your journey is honored.

00:02:42.659 --> 00:02:50.169
You've just been thrust into the world of raising one or more of your grandchildren. It's a thankless job much of the time.

00:02:50.650 --> 00:02:57.930
You gave up your retirement. There's no manual for how to take care of these kids that have suddenly lost their parents.

00:02:58.330 --> 00:03:01.289
Or maybe they've been emotionally or physically abused.

00:03:02.250 --> 00:03:20.900
You thought they'd be grateful, but instead they're angry, defiant, argumentative. Or maybe they're struggling with emotional disorders that you don't even understand. You're feeling old and tired, guilty that you can't give them everything they need or everything they want.

00:03:21.539 --> 00:04:03.840
Friends don't want to hear your story. There's no team cheering you on. In fact, your own children have shied away from you or even worse, walked away from their own Kids, I know. Your story because that's how I felt. Three and a half years ago. That's what happened to me until I hit my wall and decided to push through that wall. It was of many. I hope you'll listen to this upcoming. Episode because it may be just what you need to hear to give you the encouragement that you or someone you love needs to hear today. And if you think your life is hard, there's always someone out there whose story is worse than yours.

00:04:04.319 --> 00:04:05.120
Stay tuned.

00:04:09.039 --> 00:04:51.930
I'm with Lubim Kogan speaking today about a topic that I think is very important not only to grandparents raising grandchildren, but to the world in general. Because sometimes we have to step up and be leaders when there's no one to thank you. There's no source of known money in sight to do what you need to do to make changes happen. And lvim, you know all about that with your life and the experiences you've had and what you're doing now with Wings for Heroes. How to lead when there's no system, no money, and no applause.

00:04:54.089 --> 00:04:59.610
Laura, I think I wanted to ask for your permission just to give a little bit of an introduction, why I wanted to be on your show.

00:05:00.889 --> 00:06:08.029
My mom was killed when I was one, and my grandparents raised me. So when I saw that show, I was like, I really want to come on and I really want to talk to you and I really want to share with grandparents what you may never hear from the grandkids that you're raising, just because statistically, you know, by the time they get in their 40s and 50s, you may not be around to get the thank you that you didn't hear enough. When they were little. And I was a super hyperactive child, you know, not having parents around, I expressed my hurt out, you know, that My understanding is that some kids, they close up and they internalize everything. And I was one of those who let everything out and you get labeled right away. You know, now they categorize you and try to put you on drugs. But, you know, I was born in the former Soviet Union, and I grew up in a really controlling and totalitarian system. So not complying had dire consequences.

00:06:08.430 --> 00:06:16.029
And I remember my grandmother having to go to school to pick me up, like, all the time, you know, because I was having issues with the system.

00:06:16.269 --> 00:06:31.069
Like, you know, later you realize after you grow up that it was something, you know, when a child cannot express a lot of things. And, you know, we as adults, we have a lot of issues expressing our feelings and thoughts.

00:06:31.750 --> 00:06:38.709
So when you have Little ones that are your grandkids. And, you know, you're raising them probably because something happened to their parents.

00:06:39.509 --> 00:07:12.790
And whether they're alive or not, it really. I don't know if it makes a difference or not. But, you know, you are filling that important role. And I also understand that you're doing it at the point in your lifetime when it's supposed to be all about you. And seeing grandkids is like birthdays, you know, holidays, just. Just these limited events where you can give them all your energy and you can spoil them, and then they go home with their parents or your kids or, you know, in laws, and that's the normal flow of life.

00:07:12.790 --> 00:07:50.279
So one of the things that is important to really realize is that your life has had been disrupted, you know, and when you're going through a flow in life that I don't want to say that it's normal, you know, I think it's really normal for you because for some reason the universe decided that you are capable of doing it and you were giving that grandchild. It's not somebody else. I think you mentioned that the number is close to 3 million grandparents in the states that are raising. So, you know, like, it's a really huge number if you think about how many households.

00:07:50.949 --> 00:07:54.709
But, like, percentage wise, it's really small. So.

00:07:55.350 --> 00:08:29.250
One of the things that I really wanted to share with you is that me growing up with my grandmother, who took me everywhere, I always felt as an outcast. And I always felt like I didn't belong anywhere because, like, you know, first day of school, everybody comes dressed and with flowers and they bring like gifts for. For teachers and they have both parents. It's very rare for, like when I was growing up, and I think now both parents tried to go to this first day. And I really remember that was like one of my worst days in my entire life was September 1st.

00:08:29.810 --> 00:08:33.370
So let's say it was 1982 when I went to school. I hated that day.

00:08:33.370 --> 00:09:05.679
Like, my grandmother brought me to school and I remember everybody was like dressed a lot better. It was like a big celebration for them and they all have parents. And like, I don't have my parents. Okay. So, you know, I really felt as an outcast. But as, you know, as I go through life and I grow up, I really remember that image, you know, like that my grandmother, she was always like her, even after she passed away, that silhouette, that image of somebody being there all the time, it remains probably with me till right now.

00:09:06.000 --> 00:09:08.879
And I called my grandmother Mom.

00:09:10.889 --> 00:09:33.490
So to me, the relationship was really special, you know, and her end of life was really difficult because my grandfather was hit by a motorcycle, and he had a really, like. It was really massive injuries that the doctors could not do anything, and they. They basically sent him home to die. And she nourished him to. Well, I.

00:09:33.490 --> 00:09:51.220
You cannot say to health, but, you know, she got rid of all the infections, and it was ongoing for years. And, you know, he was in a lot of pain. And I remember, like, I was little, and he was always screaming her name, like, asking for some kind of help. So she took care of me, and she took care of her ailing husband.

00:09:51.700 --> 00:10:38.580
Yes. And it just. Unfortunately, he passed away, and she passed away the same year. Like, she had a lot of health issues, but because she had so many responsibilities, him and me, she never really paid attention to herself. So maybe one thing that I'd like to share with all the grandparents is that you got to take care of yourself because your grandkids will require more and more of your energy, and I'm sure you'd want to be present when they grow up. So I think taking care of yourself and actually telling yourself that you're doing the best that you can is really important. And you are the best person in the whole universe to be with that grandchildren. So in the difficult days, just think about the big picture. You know, there is.

00:10:39.460 --> 00:10:46.820
In Old Testament, there is a. There is a saying that says that if you saved one life, it's like you saved the whole universe.

00:10:47.940 --> 00:11:36.360
So, you know, you're saving that one life. I don't know, maybe some of you have two grandkids, but you're really making a huge difference for the whole planet. And I think that I am super sensitive because I grew up with. I grew up with one grandmother, and in the summer, I went to my other grandmother. There were sisters, and I think the sensitivity and the empathy, I got it from them. So I think that the grandkids who are growing up with their grandparents, they are a lot more sensitive than regular kids who have parents, because first of all, you, like, left and you are unneeded, and then you've find that family member that shows you, you know, that you're still important. Am I making sense? Oh, yes. Okay. I just.

00:11:36.360 --> 00:12:02.440
Yes. I think that what you're saying is speaking to a lot of people out there that are in this position. And it was interesting. As I mentioned before the show, there was a listener that wrote in this week when what do you say to someone who says, I'm fed up with this. I'm tired. You know, sometimes these issues run in families.

00:12:02.840 --> 00:12:53.960
It may not have been a death, but it may be alcoholism or drug addiction or mental illness. And people get tired, they grieve the loss of their lives. I think about your grandmother and how she must have wondered many, many times in her life, can I still do this when I get up tomorrow morning? Am I going to be able to get up tomorrow morning and take care of my grandson? What do we say to them? Okay, we are addressing somebody who out of desperation, wrote you. Like I look at my situation, what else can I do, right? I would say, how do we change? How do we change? Well, first of all, you know, like everything in our life is relative.

00:12:57.000 --> 00:13:04.519
Sometimes you think you have a big issue until you meet somebody else who has a lot bigger issue, and then you realize that it's not the end.

00:13:05.080 --> 00:13:12.460
So let's address the fact that, you know, I think the easiest part is addressing the money part because they're saying like, we don't have the money.

00:13:12.460 --> 00:13:26.340
It's not the first generation. You know, somebody walks away, leaves you with extra responsibility when you're older and you're not physically able to go and put in, you know, 40 hour work week and then come back and do another 40 hours with your grandkids.

00:13:27.059 --> 00:13:30.340
So just think about this thing.

00:13:30.740 --> 00:15:16.529
When you have no money left in the bank and you are with that grandchildren and you're giving that child love, attention, care, most important thing, you're giving that grandchild your time. And you know we will all die at some point in time and we can never get it back. So once you realize that even though you have zero money in your bank and you still have something to give, that's the real wealth, that's somebody that no one can take it away from you. I understand that nobody wants to go through difficult times. That money buys you comfort and allows you things. However, I don't know, Laura, if you would agree and if you think back in your lifetime like I've been doing podcasts, so I asked this, I've been asked this question and I had to think back when I was the happiest and when I was the least happiest. And it so happened that my happiest moment came from the time when I was homeless and I didn't know where we would go the next night. You know, I started my business. It was Christmas of 2004. We were in the motel by i25 in Denver, Colorado, and we had organic chicken for Christmas. I remember that Christmas of 2004 forever and then I remember working really hard for decades and then finally making it financially and, like, seeing that money is just flowing in my bank account, it just kept coming by hundreds of thousands of dollars. And I looked at my personal life situation and I was like, if this is what I have in my relationship. But things are so great. Like, imagine when they will not be great again.

00:15:17.009 --> 00:15:46.169
And I felt really empty, you know, and all the money in the world would not fill me. So I'm saying that the person is just looking at the situation, and the situation says, look, you have no money to support these kids now. These kids. Like, I remember that I didn't have a lot of stuff that other kids had, like the pretty uniforms and being able to. I wanted to play accordion. My grandparents couldn't afford it, you know, so.

00:15:47.450 --> 00:15:50.809
But they took me to places, they spent time with me.

00:15:51.409 --> 00:16:09.490
And like, my grandmother really liked flowers, and she taught me all about flowers. I. I'm not big into flowers now, but when I was little, I was really curious about them. You know, we spend a lot of times looking at nature. So you are giving that grandchild what no money can buy.

00:16:10.450 --> 00:16:32.269
And if you had, you know, if you had a million dollars in the bank, and you would still have that 24 hours a day or however many hours you have while you awake to spend with that little person. And that little person will grow up in the big person, and that big person will remember and they will act out just how you were treating them now.

00:16:33.309 --> 00:17:07.509
So this is the financial part that's valuable. Yeah. So financial part is. I think it's the easiest part to deal with, just knowing that I don't have any money, but I can still give so much. And that's where your wealth is. And the second thing is, you asked that person mentioned generation after generation doing the same thing, right? Saying, so we have some issues, addictions. And then we have a person who has an addiction is a sick person. And that person is not acting normally. And a lot of that is done out of pain and hurt.

00:17:07.589 --> 00:18:25.490
So when somebody leaves her or his own child, we know that that person is in so much pain that we probably don't want that person around the child. And if you look at the universe, that universe is moving a toxic person out of a life of a little human being. And it's placing a grandparents. And grandparents are older, mature, more patient, even though you don't have that much energy, physical energy, but you have so much life experience and you know how to stay silent and not to lash back immediately. Like when we're younger, we're very reactionary. And then with age, we mature and we kind of create that bumper. So a child who's been in traumatic household with really bad examples. There are two things that can happen. Nine out of ten will be the same as they were when they were little. They will drink, they will do drugs, they will abandon their families. But there will be a little percentage that will go the opposite way. I am that little percentage that went the opposite way. You know, I have all the bad experiences that I experienced in my life. I just for me, I didn't want to have that. So I consciously moved away from, you know, from negative experiences.

00:18:25.569 --> 00:18:58.480
And if you think like the generations are that, like the chain links, right? And when somebody drinks and the child is seeing that, you create that link and those links are carrying through generations. So to that person who said that, you know, it's not the first generation, that it happened, well, that can be the last generation. And you can be that broken link in that, you know, in that toxic chain that is practically impossible to get away. So the universe felt that. I don't know if you believe in God, the universe.

00:18:58.480 --> 00:19:28.309
I'm just saying something, you know, that I hope speaks to a lot of people without bringing religious into it. But by some miracle, you got a baby, you know, when you're supposed to not have any babies or a little kid, and you actually have a big responsibility. And that responsibility, I think, is consciously breaking that negative chain, saying, look, this is what happened. You're here because we love you.

00:19:28.309 --> 00:19:33.910
It happened because just explaining and saying, you don't have to be like that. You can be very different.

00:19:35.910 --> 00:19:59.400
It's a very good point. I think that even though we can be frustrated and angry about the situation to begin with, by speaking our feelings as well to the children, I find that I'm able to explain to them the process of my frustrations.

00:20:00.119 --> 00:20:12.359
And therefore that may filter into their knowledge base. And they can say, oh, yeah, maybe this is why I wouldn't do this to my own children, because.

00:20:16.119 --> 00:20:45.509
I don't want them to go through. I don't have to shove these feelings inside. Exactly. I can talk to my child about them and we can communicate and create a better relationship than, say, I had with my father or his father had with him. Exactly. Maybe we don't have to turn to drugs to. We definitely don't have turn to drugs, and we don't want to turn to drugs because the outcome is always the same. You just keep teaching them, look, they understand.

00:20:45.910 --> 00:21:31.019
You say, look, drugs are Bad. Alcohol is bad. This is what happens all the time. There is no exception. You know, they may find the person who is 90 years old, drinks and smokes, but it's like, we know it's just some freak of nature, right? It's not. It's an accident. So for them to understand, look, if somebody left, it doesn't have to do anything with you. With, like, with me, it took me a long time, you know, even though my mom was killed, but my dad was, he was 19 years old when I was born, so he, he wasn't even 20. And he was a single parent in the former Soviet Union with, in the United States. It's normal. You know, it's like nobody's going to zero you out. It's okay to have, you know, just a dad or a mom or a grandparent.

00:21:31.019 --> 00:21:33.980
Like, it's not really. It's not, it doesn't really.

00:21:34.700 --> 00:22:04.140
You don't become, let's say, a target like you were. If in the environment where I grew up, that was not acceptable, you know, there was no flexibility. So. And then my dad remarried when I was three. So you take. You start internalizing on all these things, and I think hearing it from, from your caregivers, who are your grandparents, saying, look, it doesn't, it's not about you. It's about, you know, the situation. Right, right. I have to talk about that with mine all the time.

00:22:05.200 --> 00:22:33.869
Many of us feel very alone in the situations that we're in. We don't have maybe a lot of other friends our age that are doing the same thing. We may not have systems that support us. Let's talk about you starting Wings for Heroes. You did that without a traditional support system to begin doing what you're doing.

00:22:34.910 --> 00:22:37.630
You built it in a country that was in turmoil.

00:22:38.750 --> 00:22:56.990
How did you begin to create a system or structure when there was none? Which is basically what we're trying to do. Okay, it's an excellent question. And I think realizing that you are building where there is no system is the big help.

00:22:58.109 --> 00:24:26.009
Because even though there are a lot of people who are in your situation raising grandkids, there is no manual. There are no generally accepted books. You know, like, we are learning about psychology now and like an average person has some basic understanding. Like, we know there is a conscious mind and we know there is a subconscious mind, and we know that subconscious mind is running the show. Right. We can drive from point A to point B and not even know that we drove. So we, we're learning about psychology, but we don't really Know a lot about. Well, we know a little about parenting. You know, our results speak otherwise, but we don't know anything about grandparents raising children because it's not a main topic conversation. Like I said, I really wanted to meet you because I am that grandchild who grew up. You know, my grandmother passed away almost 40 years ago, so she will not see what happened. And I think when she was dying, she was really worried about me because I was hyperactive and I didn't fit in anywhere, Laura. I didn't fit into any of them. They expelled me from every grade in school except eighth grade. The eighth grade, I kind of, you know, I was in between schools and I didn't stay long enough. But it's true, like, I didn't fit in the system. And I think she was super worried about what's going to happen to me when I grow up and how am I going to grow up when she's not around, because there was nobody to watch me.

00:24:26.970 --> 00:24:53.809
So the grandparents who are raising grandkids, first of all, you are the system. There is no other system that's going to help you. You are that system. And the most important thing to do when you are functioning in an environment that doesn't have set rules or policies and procedures, you just do what you feel is the right thing to do right now. Like, what is the best.

00:24:53.809 --> 00:24:57.250
So how did you do that in your situation? Building Wings for Heroes?

00:24:57.410 --> 00:25:53.569
I just. First of all, I decided that I'm going to do it. You know, it was. It was one event where I saw double amputee and the guy could not get any help. And then it took another six years. I saw a teenage girl walk out in front of a stadium filled with people, and she said, look, they can take a part of our country, they can even take a part of my body, but they're not going to break me. So, you know, when somebody loses a part of their body, I think it's kind of the same situation if somebody inherits a grandchild. It's something that you have to live with, no matter how difficult, how inconvenient, and how ungrateful it may be at many times. Because if I think back, you know, I was 10 years old when my grandmother passed away. I said, thank you, but I don't think I was saying as many thank yous as I do right now.

00:25:54.529 --> 00:26:32.099
So you are working in a situation where there is no system and you're getting no reward for it and very few resources. And sometimes you may be hearing that somebody doesn't like you you know, or even stronger words, right? So we know that kids can become explosive, and you can be the recipient of the negative energy. So again, you're operating in the place that has no structure. And you need to know that when you're doing good things, it could be some, you know, they can turn around and throw at you something really negative that you didn't deserve.

00:26:32.180 --> 00:27:09.230
So, you know, your system is super difficult because, you know, there is no structure, there is no reward. And not that. There is not only no reward, you may be getting punishment that you didn't deserve, and it will go on for a really long time at the period of your life when you don't have enough energy. So if I'm building a system, I would acknowledge all those things and know that those are my natural difficulties that are going to come up, and I would start planning ahead, how am I dealing, you know, with each one of them? So I have a response when it happens, and that's what it means, building a system.

00:27:10.349 --> 00:27:14.029
You know, I think. How big is your organization now? We're small.

00:27:14.430 --> 00:27:24.349
We're small in terms of I had a choice in growing numbers or going for providing the benefit. And when we.

00:27:25.390 --> 00:29:01.190
Specifically we had our last. What I do is I. I take mpt. And now we had a deaf veteran. So I have amputee deaf veterans who come. I take them out of their country where they serve and where they live. And I bring them right now to Turkey because we have the sea, we have the mountains. They need therapy and all the services here. It's like 10, 15 times less than in the United States. But the most important thing, I want them to travel. I want somebody who lost a leg or two or an arm or, you know, they cannot hear. I want them to make the trip and know that they can do it. I want them to go to a foreign land, and I want them to know that they can come to a foreign land and people will really like them, because people really like and respect seeing amputee veterans. Like, everybody wants to help. So my idea was that if I build an organization, people will show up to help me. And right Now I have 30 volunteers that are working every day. We have one guy, just one guy, who is rehabbing here for one month, and I take him to all the therapy sessions, to swimming. You know, we go to Pilates, we go to acupuncture. When we have to do homework, I'm the one who's holding his bands, you know, because he needs help with the amputated leg. But then when I come And I talk to you or I do my things. There are volunteers that always take care of the veterans. So I built a structure that can service hundreds of people. But right now, we're doing one by one because I'm still learning about what they need. My idea was that I'm a paragliding pilot.

00:29:01.190 --> 00:29:14.710
Out of all things, I fly paragliders. So for those who don't know what it is, it's basically a little plastic bag that hangs about your head, and it has little strings, and you're wearing a backpack, and you're like thousands of feet suspended in the air.

00:29:15.670 --> 00:29:33.779
And I thought, you know, if I take a guy or a girl who has only one leg, that. That initial stress when they think that they're going to die, like your subconscious mind really thinks you're going to die because you're going off the cliff. They forget. Everybody forgets everything. There are very few people who stay completely conscious.

00:29:34.500 --> 00:29:49.230
I was not one of those people. I was so scared, and I wanted to do that to them. So imagine this. Like, I have. First of all, I had to find a company that a pilot who is qualified enough who can fly an amputee.

00:29:49.950 --> 00:29:57.230
And then I had to go to a government. In this case, I went to the Ukrainian government. They said, look, can you trust me with a hero?

00:29:58.109 --> 00:30:05.470
I want to take somebody who, you know, sacrificed so much, and I want to run off the mountain with that person.

00:30:05.549 --> 00:30:38.390
And it was a little bit of a challenge, but I got that part done. And then when we flew off the mountain, we found out that they needed. It's a great experience. And spending here 10 days. I bring them for 10 days, one plus one. It's one veteran and one spouse or caregiver. We find out that they need a lot of things. They need physical therapy because they have private needs. They have psychological support. And I have a psychologist, and we have a swimming coach. And tomorrow we're doing a huge bike ride. All the volunteers are coming.

00:30:38.950 --> 00:31:01.230
The guy who's finishing. He's finishing rehab. June 25th, he's going home. And we are doing a big bike ride tomorrow night. So, you know, even though we do one or two people at a time, I built this infrastructure that is able to handle, you know, hundreds of people will be difficult. But I'd say if we. If we do like 10 at a time, that would be really, really awesome.

00:31:02.269 --> 00:31:25.500
Tomorrow is our one year since we flew the first guy, and he is here on our logo. This is our number one with his missing leg. He volunteered when he was 20. He didn't have to go, but he went and he. For five months he's been asking that. He didn't want to fly the drones. He wanted to be an assault brigade.

00:31:25.500 --> 00:31:40.500
And after five months he transferred into assault brigade. Now he's rehabbing his only leg. So, you know, that's the. And what does he say about what this has done for him?

00:31:41.619 --> 00:32:17.569
He is doing things every day that amazes everyone. Like I used to get calls from volunteers and saying, hey, he's going to the fruit market by himself. Or we see him on the other side of the castle because we have a big castle and we live on the west side. And to go to the east side, it's a mountain, you know, it's like a thousand foot mountain that goes few thousand feet into the sea and. But he starts venturing out and he knows how to use the translator. He's completely independent. Lauren. He's not saying much because he's working hard. He's been here for one month. He didn't have one beer.

00:32:18.049 --> 00:32:21.890
He is just going, you know, he's rehabbing his leg.

00:32:22.930 --> 00:33:27.430
And two weeks ago he had an interview to get a super bionic. His amputation is above the knee, so he doesn't have the knee joint and it makes a huge difference. But they have these super expensive prosthetic legs. So he had an interview, they declined him once and he said he saw that they're going to decline him the second time. And he just told him, like, look, I'm doing a month of rehab. I'm a captain of my amputee soccer team. I am 23 years old and I only have one leg and I want to live a little more. And he went until they said, okay, you can have it. It's a 75. It's a$75,000 leg. It's a $75, Thousand bionic leg with the knee. And you know, that's. That was one of the. And he found a way to get it. He's getting it. He was. He got approved. So he's finishing here, he's going back home and he's going right into his prosthetic center and he's getting a new leg that he can run. You know, he can jump up and down on both legs. It will be amazing. So they're not saying much.

00:33:27.589 --> 00:33:34.630
They're just moving so fast that everybody, all the specialists, all the coaches, they're like, we didn't expect that.

00:33:35.190 --> 00:33:52.230
We didn't expect such a big progress. But it's somebody who is so strong, you know, they're super strong because they sacrificed a part of their body and they show that internal strength that people around. They inspire everybody. Everyone is inspired.

00:33:54.190 --> 00:34:51.739
So, Lubin, something that I've learned in this process, because it was so hard, it reminds me of losing a limb, although I can't imagine what that's actually like. This is different, of course, but I felt like I lost my life and I came up against walls. And my belief is that when we hit a wall, we can be angry, we can be frustrated. There's lots of emotions that come up. We want to quit, we think we're not good enough, we think we can't do it. And when, now when I see a wall, I see it as an opportunity when you start walking through those walls. And I believe there's always a positive side to getting through that wall. There's seemingly impossible situations.

00:34:52.940 --> 00:34:56.539
I don't believe there's ever one that doesn't offer a valuable lesson.

00:34:57.820 --> 00:35:15.739
So what I think we're seeing and what you're seeing is that you keep finding a way to get through the wall because it makes you tougher, it makes you stronger, and it makes you see possibilities that are seemingly impossible.

00:35:17.340 --> 00:35:46.230
People say to me, I don't know how you're doing what you're doing. I can say that about this 20 year old man that you speak about. People are blown away when they see them accomplish these seemingly impossible things and they say, I don't know how you're doing what you're doing. That's inspiration and encouragement in both of the work that we're doing. Yes, it's. Yes.

00:35:46.630 --> 00:36:28.780
Laura, I wanted to ask you your personal experience. How many grandkids are you looking after? Two. Two? They came to me when they were three and six. They were completely broken, abused, starving, neglected, no boundaries, like little wild animals. I thought that if I just took them into my home, a nice, warm, safe place, gave them home cooked food, that they would just immediately be grateful. And what I didn't understand was that it was a very hard process and it's taken years just for them to feel safe.

00:36:29.420 --> 00:36:47.619
And once they feel safe, then it changes the body mechanically, which, which, you know, if people are going to jump off a cliff and they have only one leg or one arm or whatever, they're not going to feel safe. They think they're going to die. This is going to kill them. I thought it was going to kill me.

00:36:47.619 --> 00:37:18.329
I thought my marriage was going to fall apart. And what it did was miracles. Miracles all the way around my marriage, amazing things in my marriage Amazing things. For me personally, I understood that my fears were nothing more than that. And I always say, and I do have faith stronger than I did before, that fear is not of God.

00:37:20.809 --> 00:37:24.570
Fear is fear. I mean, there's justifiable fear and we should be safe.

00:37:25.210 --> 00:37:51.400
And there's reasons not to do certain things, but there's fear in the unknown that we have to overcome to do amazing things. And I think people, human beings are capable of doing amazing things. And probably what my listener was expressing to me was a lot of fear. When there's a lot of fear and a lot of anger, there's a big. Wall to go through.

00:37:52.760 --> 00:38:20.170
And that's something that you went through and now you're on the other side sharing with people. So we accepted that there is no system and there is no playbook. Maybe one of the things that grandparents who are at the early stages, you know, the reason they're listening to you is because you've gone through that and you're speaking from the experience. You got a super hard case, right? Neglected, abused, hungry.

00:38:20.250 --> 00:38:31.599
So basically, like you said, wild animals and mental illness. There was mother used meth in utero, and so there were brain disorders and stuff. So you got a really heavy case.

00:38:32.079 --> 00:38:34.320
Now, how many years have you had them for?

00:38:36.159 --> 00:39:01.849
3 and a half. So after three years, three and a half years, you're seeing that something that was so terrible right now is a miracle in your life. That helped you in your marriage. They helped you really see a lot of things that you didn't see before. Obviously, every little victory is fuel. Yes, that's what grandparents need to hear. Look, I am the.

00:39:02.329 --> 00:39:42.829
I'm a man who was raised by grandparents, by my grandma, and I was little and I didn't have a chance to say thank you. So I just want to say thank you to all the grandparents who are listening right now. And I think this conversation is really valuable because you sharing your experience as a grandparent and I am a grandchild, what you saw at the beginning there was such a huge challenge. It's actually part of again, when you don't have the money and you providing service, service is the biggest thing that you can do on this planet. You are giving time that you will never get back.

00:39:43.309 --> 00:39:47.079
You are giving time to your grandkids. And if.

00:39:48.679 --> 00:39:52.440
Let's just accept that it's like this, you know, this is what it is.

00:39:52.599 --> 00:40:48.840
This is your life situation. So if you have some issues that you are in this situation and you will be in it forever, you will be at war with yourself and with the situation. But if you accept that, like I was chosen, I am the chosen person on this planet to raise not a child, but a grandchildren, which means there is a bigger plan for it. And I may not and probably will not be here to see that plan. But you're building legacy. And all the legacies are built in empty rooms by people who are committed, by people who are empathetic, by people who are loving, and people who are not selfish. We are not selfish people because we are generous with our time. And you are especially generous because you're, you know, in the part of the life when you should enjoy it, but your enjoyment will come from very different place.

00:40:52.039 --> 00:41:28.510
And something I want to add is that for some reason, people think it gets easier. That's not the right word. It's hard every day, but learning how to deal with hard every day, you know, we think in this country, maybe, maybe even more so in the. In the United States, that for some reason, and it's part of the myth of retirement, I think, is that all of a sudden it's going to get easy one day. And that's a misnomer.

00:41:29.389 --> 00:41:36.599
Learning how to deal with your attitude about hard is key.

00:41:38.519 --> 00:41:53.719
You know, that's part of life I've learned to understand. It's not like I'm going to grow up one day. And the lessons are all done. I'm sure with the people that you're working with, that's part of it. It's hard every day.

00:41:54.599 --> 00:42:01.010
But showing up even when it's hard, finding your why, I think is really important.

00:42:01.889 --> 00:42:05.650
Reconnecting with your purpose about the things that we're talking about.

00:42:05.809 --> 00:42:41.500
If it takes listening to a podcast. If it takes a supporter, a volunteer to tell you, don't quit when it's hard, that means you're really close to breaking through with kids that want to end their life. You know, we have a lot of suicides these days. They think, oh, I'm never going to get through this breakup. That means you're really close to learning something on the other side. I think that resilience is a superpower.

00:42:44.380 --> 00:43:25.380
It's a superpower that we all have and we see it. If you don't experience it in your life, in your own life, just go volunteer for people who are less fortunate. You know, the ones who are sick, soup kitchens are on Thanksgiving. Like, first I thought, like, what's the big deal about it? But the big deal with volunteering and providing service to people who are less fortunate than you are, then just by relativity, you get this thought oh, well, I thought my life was bad, but it's not that bad. So I'm really grateful to where I'm at right now. This is the first place. But I think with.

00:43:25.380 --> 00:43:46.650
With grandparents and with grandkids, for some reason, the mismatch in energy is so huge that there has to be, like, a big reason, you know, why that happens like that? Because you have, like, super hyper, 100% energy to like, maybe, I don't know, what, 20, 30% better two kids with ADHD. Right?

00:43:47.929 --> 00:44:11.719
Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think what happens is, we think because we're older and because I get tired for some reason, I've got to be like I was when I was 30. Well, I gave up with that after a while and just told the kids, grandma needs to take a nap. Yes. And you have to behave. And.

00:44:11.789 --> 00:45:48.449
And I'm trusting that you're not. You know, there was. We had to take turns for a while. But it's okay to teach children that we're not super, super grandparents? Yes, yes, yes, absolutely. It's important. I think it's important what you're saying, for them to understand that they learn, you know, that not everybody has the same amount of energy. And when they see that that's the empathy that they're developing, they will be different human beings later in life. I'm 100% certain that grandkids who are influenced and raised by their grandparents, they grew up more loving, more empathetic, more understanding, because from early in life, they saw that their caregiver, who is the only person who can take care of them, has a really difficult time getting through the day because it's just the age. And it changes them, changes the DNA, the. The filter that they look, the lens that they look at the world. So I know you're really tired. I know you were meant to retire and enjoy your retirement, maybe travel, maybe buy a house somewhere or two or three and go in between places. And I don't know why it happened, but you are the chosen ones. You know, you get the task that the parent is supposed to do, and the parent is not there, and you were put in that place. You're super important. And to all those grandkids, they will remember you forever, and they will say thank you every day when you're gone. They will be saying thank you every day because I know it now. I didn't know it then.

00:45:50.369 --> 00:45:57.489
Thank you. Thank you. What can we do to support you and your organization?

00:45:58.130 --> 00:46:24.139
If you go to wingsforheroes.org everything is out there. I started the mission more than two years ago. I am the only person who is running it full time. I have all the professionals I mentioned my physical therapists, psychologists, coaches for swimming, for cycling, a ton of volunteers. But I'm the guy who's running the whole thing. I'm organizing, I'm driving, I'm in all the therapies with their veterans.

00:46:24.699 --> 00:46:46.300
And basically I try to put that story on our website and just tell first it was what I am going to do and then in April I updated it because a lot of things have been done and my next goal is just to set up the mission that it's running 12 months out of the year, not just little sessions. So obviously the biggest help for me right now is the financial help.

00:46:46.940 --> 00:46:54.139
But if you go to wingsforheroes.org you will get the idea. Scroll down to the bottom of any page, the videos are there.

00:46:55.030 --> 00:47:44.730
You'll see what we do. And for me the biggest thing is just to get the word out there that there are still people who care and we are keeping the promise. And when the system that supposedly exists cannot take care of people who took care of us and allow us to be free and have this conversation and pursue our dreams, I am actually taking care of those people and they are really awesome and they are not done. Anyone who comes through Winx for Heroes, it's a new start for them. I'm like a grandparents grandparent to them. You know you, you got your grandkids and the amputees got Lubim. So you know, I think we're. Can anyone volunteer? Yes. Can anyone come volunteer? Yes, I'm running. Can I volunteer? Of course. We are running the mission in Turkey. I want to bring my kids out there. You can bring anybody you want.

00:47:44.730 --> 00:47:56.329
We're an open source organization and they actually have kids who come and you know, they need to see. They really like for an amputee to take a shoe off. They actually flip their prosthetic leg.

00:47:56.409 --> 00:48:06.489
So it's like this and all the kids are like. And then they can take a bottle and put it on their foot. So this is a foot, you know. And they do this and oh for kids it's amazing.

00:48:06.809 --> 00:48:32.349
Like they can take a prosthetic leg and give it to them and they can, they just. Yeah, we're an open source organization. Anybody. If anybody wants to come, the contact button is on on our website and my plan is to bring it to the United States in November. But I'm really liking it here because making that trip is giving somebody who thought that they are down and out because they cannot normally walk.

00:48:33.469 --> 00:49:24.480
It gives them a lot of power. So wingsforheroes.org contact button and you will get to me. All right, well, I'll put it in the show notes and we'll be talking again. I hope so. And again. As a man who was raised by my grandma who gave me to the other grandma for the summers, I am really grateful to all of you. I cannot imagine the difficulties we've put you through. I just have to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. And you are changing this world for better. And you're super important to all those kids because without you, they don't have anybody. And to them you are that world. And if you have nothing, they still love you and they will love you forever and they will remember what you did for them. Thank you.

00:49:25.360 --> 00:49:44.309
Thank you. It was great talking with you Lubim. Thank you, Laura. It's nice talking to you too. I'll see you soon. Thanks for joining us today for another episode of Grandparents Raising Nurturing Through Adversity. I encourage you to share both your challenges and your successes with us.

00:49:44.869 --> 00:50:20.880
Your story is undoubtedly one someone else needs to hear. Submit your stories to the links provided in the podcast information. Your contributions will enrich upcoming conversations, creating a more supportive community in which we can learn and grow together. You've likely experienced the frustration of power struggles and disconnection, yearning for something more profound in your relationships. For two decades, Katherine Sellery has been a beacon for parents, educators and leaders. Okay, you've stepped up again.

00:50:21.199 --> 00:50:58.219
You're raising your grandchildren, and while your heart is full, you've likely faced the unique challenges of this journey. The power struggles, the yearning for a deeper connection, and perhaps even a sense of disconnection from the younger generation. For two decades, Kathryn Sellery has been a beacon for parents, educators and leaders, guiding them through powerful mindset shifts that redefine how we communicate, connect, and lead. She's a three time TEDx speaker, the founder of the Conscious Parenting Revolution, and an expert in transformational communication.

00:50:59.179 --> 00:51:16.840
Join us as we explore Katherine's insights specifically for grandparents raising grandchildren. How did her personal quest for deep, respectful relationships that honor the whole person evolve into a system that can bridge generational gaps and strengthen your unique family dynamic?

00:51:17.320 --> 00:52:19.869
What are these powerful mindset shifts, and how can this expert in transformational communication help you navigate challenging conversations and build unshakable bonds with your grandchildren? And after 20 years of guiding others, what does Kathryn, the founder, believe is the most crucial element in fostering genuine connection? Especially when you're taking on such a vital role. Tune in to discover how Kathryn Selery's wisdom can empower you to transform your relationships with your grandchildren. Lead with greater empathy, understanding and the profound love only a grandparent can give. Thank you for tuning in to grandparents, raising grandchildren, Nurturing through Adversity Remember, you are not alone. Together we can find strength and hope in the face of adversity. Peace be with you. And I pray that you find some time this week to listen to your inner wisdom amongst the noise and the pandemonium of this world.