Five STEPS for Proactive Parenting

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This week, join us for a powerful conversation with Steve Ward, founder of Steps Ministries, as he shares his personal journey of overcoming addiction and helping others find peace, joy, and purpose. We'll explore his transformative Step Principles, a practical tool designed to help grandparents navigate the toughest of times, prevent compulsive issues, and build a more stable and joyful family family life.

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Discover how to let go of your own understanding and make room for amazing grace, even amidst life's pain, to create a thriving home environment for your grandchildren.

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Welcome to Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Nurturing through Adversity. In this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren as we navigate the complexities of legal, financial, and emotional support. I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expert advice, we will explore the nuances of child rearing for children who have experienced trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of kinship care.

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We'll discuss how we can change the course of history by rewriting our grandchildren's future, all within a supportive community that understands the unique joys and struggles. This podcast was made especially for you.

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Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, your experiences are valued, and your journey is honored.

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For me, I'm discovering that the toughest times teach me the greatest lessons, constantly reminding me to let go of my own understanding and and make room for a higher power to solve things and then believe it's when the most amazing things happen. I think life isn't about waking up. One day to find out that the hard part's over. It's about navigating this painful and difficult human journey, finding a beautiful mix of amazing grace, and discovering beauty beyond what our humble human minds can conceive.

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This week, I'm excited to share with you, Steven Steve Ward, who explains to us his Step Principles, a powerful tool to help us get beyond our own hurts and truly see the holistic way that we were designed. Steve, welcome to the show. Laura. Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate it. I can't wait to share your story with the listeners. We've had some conversations prior to this recording, and your story really resonates with me.

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And I know it is a story that isn't just for grandparents, it's for everyone, and I'm so excited to share it with our audience.

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Let's start with your story because that's really the passion behind your work. Yeah, thank you for that question, and I appreciate the grace in starting there. Because I think, frankly, we all have a story. It helps if we pay attention to it. And the version of my story that set me up, I believe for the changes that I went through later as a young adult. I was a typical young adult. I was in the eyes of the world. Everything seemed to be going very well. I was doing well at my job, I was having fun, I was having friends.

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And I didn't really know it, but in my 20s and 30s, I was testing out different lifestyles to see what worked for me.

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Yeah. In college, part of the ways that I had developed to deal with life, including the use of alcohol. So even when I was out in the business world, I was a high functioning alcoholic and nobody knew it other than perhaps my favorite drinking buddy who happened to be my wife. So that was a part of me. But in my 20s and in my 30s, I was like, trying to think, shoot. The way that we live life is by performance, by being very good at our job, or it's by making a lot of money so we're comfortable, or it's by having fun and adventure almost. When I look back at it, I can see it more clearly. All right. Very often we can see our story when we look back, but when we're in the middle of it, sometimes we don't even appreciate what's going on. But. So I'm trying all these things and I can.

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Life was sort of good, but yet I'm still wondering really, what's the meaning and the purpose of all of this and getting married and starting to have kids. Open my eyes. Right. Because I'll be. Darn. For the first time, I actually started to think about people more than I thought about myself, you know, which is kind of a breakthrough. What it does. If you think about it, that's a pretty good first step. We all tend to be infatuated with ourself. Yeah. And along the way. Right. I started thinking. Well, I.

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I hear a lot of people talking about this higher power stuff, so I probably ought to investigate that. So my spiritual journey became a part of it all, that I think I began to find more meaning and purpose.

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But then I get into my 40s and I'm still hanging on to one of my favorite coping mechanisms, which is drinking alcohol. Yeah.

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I think many of us do. I have a firm hypothesis that has been. I wouldn't say it's proven, but it's. I see it all the time, is that we're all addicted to something. When you think about it. Yeah. You know, an addiction is Something that we do. It's part of a human struggle. I think so. And when we accept that, it changes how we look at other people who are struggling. Right. Because it's not just them, it's all of us. An addiction is just a habit that we do over and over again that has negative consequences that we find hard to stop. We all have those. Mine happened to be alcohol, and I mentioned that my wife had issues as well. And when our older son got into middle school, we had changed cities, and he decided to hang around with what he would define as the cool crowd or the popular crowd. They were making a lot of bad choices, and so he started making bad choices, too. And they included drugs and alcohol. And that set him on a path so that for 10 or 12 years, he struggled with alcohol and drugs. And with all this going on in our family, we went into a period that, when I look back on my story, I call it the Dark Ages. Because it was hard.

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It was. It's hard if you are a parent or if you are a grandparent in the parenting role, it's one of the biggest struggles. Right. When I'll use the term son or daughter.

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So even if. And these are grandparents in the parenting role, think of them as your son or daughter. When they're struggling and they're teenagers, the emotions you feel are immense. You're scared, you're frustrated, you get angry at times.

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You want to do something so much, but you don't know what to do. So you can get confused.

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You can be angry at them and angry at yourself because you don't know the answer. And so you have all these emotions going on.

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Yeah, we're in the Dark Ages, and I wound up experiencing the world of recovery along with my wife. And so I'm going through it as for myself, but also as a spouse and also as a dad.

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And I saw some incredible epiphanies that came out of that period of dark ages that changed the direction of my life. I think it taught me a new way to think about life, and it also put me on a course that led me to where I am now. But just for anybody out there who has a son or a daughter, even if you're technically their grandparent, if they're struggling, I know how you feel because I've been there.

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And the fact that you're feeling this unbelievable spectrum of emotions, I understand, because it's really hard. But I hope over the course of this conversation, we'll have some encouragement for you to know that you're not alone and Because a lot of people have been there and the vast majority of them get through it. So times may seem dark now, but very often our toughest trials are when the best things happen. We don't know it at the time, we don't feel that way, but it's when we're changing and growing and all of that. So wherever you are right now, first I just want to say, encourage you, there is hope for a positive future and you can get through this and the young person you're caring for can get through it too. But I understand what the dark ages can be like for a family. You're speaking to the right community. There's a lot of shame and a lot of guilt and a lot of stuff. And we're looking at generational mental health issues and drug addiction. It's a.

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It's the reason these grandkids are with us in many cases. In a majority of the cases, yeah. One other thing I would want to put out there too is for your audience, right. If they're feeling any shame or guilt for let's for example, say that many people listening to this, their own son or daughter may have struggled in some way, could have been a mental health issue, such as depression or anxiety, or it could have been substances, or it could have been some other addiction. And that can create feelings of guilt and shame. Yes.

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But for, for anyone who's been through Al Anon, for example, which is a 12 step process, group process for, for people who have someone who's struggling, it could be a spouse, it could be a son or daughter. So your audience probably ought to know about Al Anon if they don't now. But one of the primary lessons they teach you there is you didn't cause it and you can't control it and you can't change it. So one is when you're looking back on your past right now, it is what it is. So it's possible you made some mistakes, but we all make mistakes. But you didn't create the addiction or problem in your son or daughter. So it's okay to let some of that go and to not have your world and your feelings of self worth be consumed by looking backwards and feeling bad.

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It's very important in a bigger sense of things. Sometimes things happen for a reason. And I would say look at it as those things have prepared me to be the best me possible now and to be the best caregiver I can be now. Yes, I understand that. I feel that way too. Yeah.

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So it's all good. And now the Only choices we can make right now are have an eye toward the future for where we want to go, but focus on the moment. What is the next step that we can take and give it our best shot. Take the best next right step.

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And if we do that over and over again, life will be what it will be. We're giving it our best shot if we just do that. So how did your involvement with AA bring you to the Steps ministries that you created? Yeah, I'm sitting in all these meetings, right? And my wife is sitting in all these meetings. And one is, for anyone who's never been to a recovery meeting. You may have these feelings that, oh, shoot, A, I don't want to go there because I'll be embarrassed to be seen there. But you will find one of the most accepting, grace oriented, humble groups of people you could ever know. I promise you that.

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And so anyone who walks into a recovery meeting, A, it can be anonymous, right? You don't even have to say your name. And B, people will just, they'll be accepting they've all been there too, right? You're in a group with other people who've struggled. So it's a very grace oriented environment.

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You're not embarrassed. You don't have to speak if you don't want to. You can just listen and participate. But what you will find over time is that there's a lot of people who've been where you are. Most of them get through.

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And our community is similar in that way. And that's one of the things that I want to stress about the conversations that we're having is there is nothing that isn't safe to talk about.

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We have kids that are in jail, we have kids that have the horrible things, horrible things these kids have seen, horrible things that have happened with their parents. So this is a community, community of grace as well.

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Yeah, that's awesome because I think that's how life is supposed to be lived and most of us don't do that. That's fantastic. You've built a community like that. So I'm sitting in these meetings and over the course of. It wasn't that long, it was a few months.

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I had a series of a couple of three epiphanies. Literally, I mean that in terms of a life changing realization that one is some of the world's worst personal problems. And I would suggest that substance abuse and mental health issues such as anxiety and depression are in that category.

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Right. In terms of the number of people they affect and what they cause to the individuals and families Involved is immense, certainly, but that the vast majority of those conditions are treatable. Not only are they treatable, they are very potentially, in some cases, preventable. So wherever your son or daughter, the person you're caring for is right now, they may be somewhere on a journey, and maybe it's heading in a negative direction, but you can do things that will help them, and they can do things. They can take steps, right, that will keep it from getting worse. So I'm. So that was a pretty big deal to think these don't have to be debilitating issues. There are things that can be treated and prevented. And then the second thing that followed from behind that is the way to do that is to learn to live life effectively.

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What they talk about in recovery meetings is not this black art that's specific to dealing with alcohol and drugs. They talk about practical life skills that can help you emotionally, mentally, socially, spiritually, and personally. That's really what most of the discussion is about.

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Now, the context often is that people are coming from a troubled place, right? They may be dealing with substances, but that's what the recovery journey is like. It's like living life better. You put those two things together and say, the world's worst problems can be treated and prevented, and the way to do it is learn to live life well. And then the question I asked myself, which changed everything for me, is, why do we wait till people crash and burn or sometimes die? Why don't we teach people earlier how to live life effectively again, emotionally, personally, spiritually, and in all these ways? And I got interested in that. So I started researching and looking around, and I didn't really find books that helped convey what I was learning in these recovery meetings in a practical, simple way. So I wrote one. And I didn't know I was supposed to be an author until I had these things to say, and I had a place to put them. And was that the Steps? The Steps book that's called Steps. A Daily Journey to Better Life. Excuse me. That was really about how do you take. Again, I'm hearing this in recovery meetings, right?

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So in most recovery meetings, they're based on these things called 12 steps. And the 12 steps are a practical, holistic way to live effectively.

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Yes, they will help you deal with substances or mental health issues, but they also are just a way to live life. And so in that book, I simplified those 12 to 5 kind of more general steps. And the word steps is an acronym to represent those that help us deal with life so that we can prevent issues from happening. But Also just find more peace, joy, and purpose in the moment. And I think they can help us in any role, including being a parent or a grandparent of who's raising kids. You found it worked for you. Yeah, right. Yeah, it's worked for me. And my wife and my son wound up being in recovery for a long time. By the way, the good news is he's doing really well. He made it through. Now, it was a long journey and it was very dark at times, and there were times when we thought we could lose him.

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Yeah. And sometimes we do lose our children. To it, but he made it through. But to tell you what it was like during those times, in those years since he's been to three funerals of the people he used to run around with. He was a pallbearer for his best friend, who was the guy he was with when he had his first drink at age 14.

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So substance abuse is a real thing, and people die from it. The conversation that you and I have had, and perhaps you were going to bring it up later on in the conversation, but I can't help but do it now, is that one of the things I've learned in this difficult time of transition in our life, when we began raising our grandchildren and coping with these mental illnesses and drug addictions of our own children, are that I'm beginning to understand that these difficult times are unavoidable. I thought retirement meant, oh, life got easier. All of a sudden, it was going to be just like Cloud 9 or something. And when this happened, I went, what? This is what my retirement is going to be. I waited and waited, just with that kind of hanging like a carrot in front of me for my whole life. And then when it happened, I went, wait a second, this isn't the picture. And in the last three and a half years now, I've begun to realize that when something happens, I've almost gotten to the point where I've gone, ooh, that means something good's coming. Because there's a wall I've got to go through. Whether it's my personal wall or. Or the children's wall, the fear always seems insurmountable. And then all of a sudden, I go, oh, yeah, this is just another thing. I can get through this, but it's not going to be easy. It's never easy. Yeah. You mentioned a couple of things in your little story there that are profound for any of us to think about.

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Right. One is our expectation. If our expectation is that life is going to be all good, or that at a Certain point in time, such as retirement, life is going to be all good, then we are destined to be disappointed, right? Because life has trials and life is not always all good. Now, life can be extremely wonderful at times, but there will be trials, so we might as well have that expectation on it.

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The other is, when they happen, we may not like them, we may not enjoy it, we may wish that we were somewhere else. But if we pause and really think this might be one of the most incredible periods in my life, that will help change me in a way such that life will be better. And perhaps if it's my son or daughter or grandson or granddaughter, perhaps that's what's going on with them as well, right? I mean, with my older son, an expression or a phrase I've used with him many times, which he totally understands. So he's. By the way, he. Not only did he make it through, but he found his vocation in the world and he got married. And eight months ago, he and his wife had a daughter.

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But I've said to him, son, you are now the man you were meant to be, not just in spite of what you went through, but in many cases because of it.

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In other words, he's a different 33 year old than he would have been otherwise. He's wiser. He can.

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And he would say this himself, he has tools to deal with life well. And if he looked around at his peers now, right, and maybe some of them haven't struggled, maybe their circumstances have gone okay. Maybe they're making money, they're doing fun things, they're running around, everything seems to be going great.

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They don't know what they don't know because when stuff happens, they may not be prepared for it. Their expectation may be all skewed and they'll be like, they got hit by a truck. Like, how in the world could this happen to me? And then they may not know what to do with it and they may only burrow into the negative pain of it rather than saying, I'll be darned. This is actually, in the long run, an opportunity. It's an opportunity to learn and grow and for life to get better. And that in the long run, that's really how it often works out. I had a listener write in oftentimes I get a lot of letters from listeners and they'll say, wow, thank you for the message. This is just what I needed to hear. But then I got a message from someone that said, I am sick and tired of this. This is now the third child whose kids I'm raising. When is this going to end? Now, I didn't have anything profound to say to her, but you and I both have ministries that we hope improve lives. And we're both deeply committed to preventing behavioral health issues and mental health.

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And for grandparents that experience instability or see generational instability, and many of them are raising one or two grandchildren, what are some of the next right step messages that we can give and share with them?

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So first I would position some of the things we said before is if you get this foundation in place that accepts things like I'm going to let go of my past.

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In other words, I'm not going to let it consume me even if I made mistakes. Right. None of us are perfect. So let go of your past to the degree that you can, whatever happened, and be in the moment, I would work on that. I would let go of the burden of perfection because none of us are. We all make mistakes. And in the situation you're now, your grandkids, they don't need you to be perfect. They just. But they need you to be present and caring.

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That's the security we can offer them. And they need to be able to trust you. And trust you means you're consistent. They know where you're coming from. It means they know you care for their well being. It doesn't mean you let go even. If you're tired, even if you're exhausted. Yeah. And the other thing is, if your son or daughter or one of your grandkids has a substance use or mental health issue, you know, I don't want you to have the expectation that it's going to quickly and miraculously evaporate because it probably won't. But that's okay. It might be a longer journey than that and it might be a multi year journey. It could be a year or 18 months or it could be longer. But if you take it a moment at a time, one is it keeps you more grounded and the other thing is it does, is it keeps you from being overwhelmed.

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Right. Because that is a core tenet of recovery. Right. That is live one day at a time, get one step at a time. And if you lay down to sleep at night and you've given it your best shot yet, sure you made some mistakes that day, but you've tried. I made some choices here that weren't only focused on my own well being, they were actually trying to do the right thing and to help the person I'm caring for.

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Let yourself feel good about that and feel like well done and don't grade Yourself against perfection. And don't.

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There's only. The only things you can control are your choices and. And your perspective. You can't control. Yeah. Whether the person you're caring for is going to prosper or struggle, you can give it your best shot and you can influence that. But some things are bigger than us. We don't control other people. We don't control outcomes, and in fact, we don't control the circumstances to which we are subjected. All we can do is control what thoughts do we encourage and what choices do we make and try to do those as best we can, one at a time. And I don't think we can look too far ahead. Yeah, that can get you into a bad place in your head. I want to ask you one quick question, but then I really want to get into the specifics of the steps. How would you suggest that a grandparent discuss mental health or drug addiction to the children about their parents? How would you suggest that conversation go? That's a good question. I have some pretty strong thoughts on the first part, and then I'll try to think about in your specific scenario, which is a grandparent talking to a grandkid about their parents on the first part, I would say earlier than would probably occur to you, let your grandkids see how you deal with other people. Let them see that you deal with people who are struggling with grace and acceptance and a lack of judgment. So if you're taking them to the store and there's someone who is debilitated, or if you encounter someone who has a mental health issue or you're in conversation with it, or by the way, you could bring these conversations up for.

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Let them see that what you think is that person is also a valued person. They may be struggling with something, but they have value. So just let them accept that when you struggle, doesn't make you a terrible person. In fact, I'll mention one story here because it just popped into my mind, but maybe it'll help. When we were in the dark ages and my older son was really struggling, my wife and I started thinking, I wonder how our younger son is doing.

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Because, you know, substance abuse and mental health issues can be like a tornado in the family. Right. They affect everyone. Yes. And he, my younger son, was totally different. He seemed to be living life extremely effectively. We sat down one time and I'll say he was nine somewhere in that age. And we just said, son, a lot has been going on in our family around you, with your brother, but also with us and all that.

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How would you Summarize how you feel about all that.

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And this young man taught my wife and I an incredible lesson about life because the answer he chose to give was. And he thought about it, he said, I've seen that a lot of people can struggle and they can really have a hard time, but that others can accept them and sometimes help them and that we can get through.

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That. I'm going. Words from.

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We all need, I think, to recognize. That their perspectives are sometimes just so eye opening. Yeah.

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Yeah. So we do need to ask them. How are you feeling about what's going on with your father or your mother? Yeah.

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And see what they say and start the conversation that way.

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By the way, on that part, I'll give a shot to give you one answer, because when I'm talking to parents. Right. A lot of parents will ask me similar questions. Right. For their own background or their own current situation. How should they deal with that? And one thing I'll say is, probably be more real than you feel comfortable being. Be a little more transparent than you feel like.

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On the other hand, it's not necessary, nor is it your responsibility to share everything about it. Yeah, that's.

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That's not necessary. So you're going to have to have a judgment call on this.

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Let's say, for example, say I'm the one struggling and it's my son or daughter. And I'll say this to parents, think about the incredible lesson you're sending them. If you go to them and say, bill or Susie, you may or may not have noticed, but I'm struggling with something. And in my instance, it's anger or it's alcohol.

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And I want you to know that I realize it and I'm sorry that it affects you. And I want to try to get better. And I'm working on it. And I may not be perfect, but I hope that you'll forgive me for that. And just know that people struggle sometimes. So in that instance, the messages you just conveyed are that it's okay not to be okay, but you don't have to stay that way. In other words, you've just given your son or daughter or grandkid the permission to know that they're not going to be per. That they're going to struggle, but that with grace, they can be accepted and they can get better. Now, with this instance, maybe that philosophy plays right if. If they've witnessed their mom or dad be drunk or be under the influence of. They know a lot about what really happened.

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And for you to calmly and matter of factly without Moving toward blame and with grace to say, I know your mom or dad has struggled and I feel for them because I want them to be happy inside. They're good people and I know they've struggled and I know that had an impact on you. What impact did it have on you? How did you feel about that? You know, maybe something in that when. These are conversations that I never had with my children, the kids will talk about how mom pulled a gun on dad or dad pulled a knife on mom, and you sit there going, huh, this is not a conversation I really thought I'd be having with a six year old or a nine year old. But it happened.

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And so we have to find ways of speaking about it with the kids. And on the flip side to what you said, my husband was raised in a very traditional family. And as many men in our generation, he's not a person that talks about his feelings very often. And the children are hurt by some things that he does. And I've said it's okay to tell grandpa that something he does hurts your feelings. And if it comes from the mouth of a child, sometimes that can cut right through every prejudice, preconceived notion we as adults have. Yeah, I don't mean, say, coming back with anger in response never helps anybody.

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But if I've told them, if papa doesn't respond in a way that helps you, then say, it would help me if you did this. So I'll address this last part you said and then go back to the first part.

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But whenever we're dealing with people, in other words, if we're dealing with the grandkids we're raising, or they're dealing with us, or they're trying to figure out how to interact with their mom or dad who may have done some things that hurt them. Right.

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It is appropriate for human beings. In fact, a good healthy way is not. Not to communicate by attacking the behavior or the character of the behavior in order. It's not just saying like, you're talking to the kid. Right. You don't need to go tell your mom that she's a drunk and that what she did is wrong. But it is helpful if you share how it made you feel in words to just say, mom, when you do that, I feel scared and I feel like that you don't love me. And I'm scared that I don't know what's going to happen because I need you to take care of me. In other words, human beings should be able to share with each other how they feel. And when you do it that way. You're not assigning blame, you're not attacking the character of the individual. They know what's going on, but say those conversations can happen that way. So it's okay to suggest to a grandson or granddad, say hey, maybe you talk to your mom and dad like that. If you feel like it's just share with them how you feel. But you don't have to attack them as a person. The second thing when you talk about before that is what should grandparents say and what are some steps when they're in these tough situations. And one of the biggest things I would suggest is focus a lot less on what we're going to say and let go of the assumption that we have to be perfect enough to know exactly what to say to them and focus a lot more on listening empathetically to them.

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In other words, you could have an entire conversation that may be a breakthrough talk with them and you don't have to necessarily teach them the answer. But if you say how does that make you feel? I get scared. Well, when you get scared, what does that feel like for you? And what are you afraid that's going to happen? And then tells you a lot.

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Keep listening to them and asking questions from them. People, amazingly even young people, I don't think when you're four you can do this but even by the time you're 10, 11 or 12 or a teenager, we have the ability without knowing it to self diagnose our own issues.

00:35:00.989 --> 00:35:56.190
And even to. And even so you can say when you feel scared, what do you think might be something that would help you? And they say this and they say that and those that seem like hey, maybe pretty good idea, say wow, do you think so if when you felt scared, if you just paused for a moment and thought about well, life will be okay and grandma's still here for me and I'm safe right now and I have some good. The point being you can have an entire conversation by listening empathetically and asking follow up questions. And very often that may be the way that they will to work through it themselves because again, you're not going to be able to fix or change their problem, but you can be a coach for them to help them learn to cope with it. Thank you, that's great advice and we've talked a lot about a lot of great things.

00:35:56.909 --> 00:36:40.130
Talk about the steps your book, A Daily journey to a Better Life or next right steps, how to Live a Better Life. If so I'm in recovery. I'm sorry, did you have a follow on. Those were two books. It's two different books. So one will focus on here Steps Daily Journey to a Better Life. Because that's the one that started it all. Yeah. And that's the one directly out of these recovery traumatic experiences. I think we need two podcasts here, Steve. Anything I can do that would help is fine, but in those dark ages, right. I'm sitting in recovery meetings and I've seen these things called the 12 steps, and I won't tick through all the 12 of them, but I thought those seem.

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By the way, the 12 steps have been around for 80 years, and they've been adopted by 200 different types of recovery groups who deal with tens of millions of people around the world. So it's wisdom that has been proven to work not just for dealing with substances or addictions, as I said, but for living life better. And I thought, why don't we share these with the rest of the world? And I thought, one is wonder if I simplified it from 12 down to 5.

00:37:05.199 --> 00:37:27.199
And the other is I conveyed them about how do you just live life? Right. Not necessarily in a recovery or an addiction context. So that's what the book was all about. And I took these 12. And the word steps is actually. It's meaningful at multiple levels. Right. One is that the original material is in some ways a derivative of the 12 steps.

00:37:27.440 --> 00:37:53.039
The other is that a foundation, a foundational component of recovery, but also just living life well is to take it a step at a time. The word steps is also an acronym and the five letters. The S stands for surrender. The T stands for transformation. The E stands for empathy. The P stands for progress, and the S stands for service. And the short version of it is surrender means accepting the premise that there is a higher power.

00:37:53.119 --> 00:38:07.960
Right. There is something bigger than us. Yeah. That by letting go of our infatuation with control, we can live life better. That's kind of what the core of. And the core is, hey, we all have issues.

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That's okay. But if we recognize what they are, we can take steps in the right direction. That's the kind of. The core of transformation. Empathy is about relationships, right? So so far, we've talked about the spiritual component. There is something bigger than us. We've talked about the personal component. Right. Is dealing with ourselves. The E for empathy is about relationships, is to say, rather than focusing entirely on ourselves, let's focus on caring for other people. And that includes concepts like forgiveness and things.

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The P is then how do I put daily habits or disciplines in place so that I get better, and I do. How can I make this kind of more habitual? And then the S is, how can I give back to others? Because, one, it's one of the most important things. I think it's built into how we're designed, frankly. But it's also incredibly helpful to any of us that when we do something for another person, it helps us too. So that's why in recovery, it's the last step that people are taught. Step 12 is having come to this awakening, I want to take this message to others. That's step 12 and recovery.

00:39:19.610 --> 00:39:36.889
Because it's so important that. So even for the people listening. Right. You're doing an incredible service to sacrifice your convenience and your time and your comfort to take care of another human being.

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You are serving someone else. And let that be soothing to you as well. Life may not be exactly the way you wanted it be, but life can be even richer and more meaningful in ways that you may not have designed it, but which are really soothing, but also tremendously. They give you significance and purpose. That.

00:40:01.150 --> 00:40:07.550
So that's. I think a lot of grandparents are hearing what you're saying and agreeing with you.

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It doesn't mean that we don't have regrets. It doesn't mean that we don't get frustrated about it. We. But it's part of the process.

00:40:16.360 --> 00:40:34.280
Yeah. So that's where the steps came from. And each of those is explained in the book. To go deeper on what that means. We give practical examples about how do you go do that? How do I surrender? How do I transform myself? How do I. And so there are practical things that people can do.

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So every day. I wrote. I first started research on the book probably 15 years ago, and I think it was published, I don't know, a decade or so ago. But I just carry those five things in my head and say, okay, when is this a situation where maybe I want to surrender my infatuation with control and just let go of something and accept that there's something out there bigger than me? You can call it a higher power if you like. I happen to think that it's God. But there's something out there bigger than me, and I don't have to control everything. I can just let some of this go that can help you all day long and sometimes think, okay, transformation. What does that remind me of? Okay, be aware of the choices I'm making. Keep doing the ones that seem right, and when I screw up, let myself accept it with grace. But what can I do better the next time. We can think about each of these steps all the time. Empathy just means when I'm dealing with other people, I'm going to start by focusing on them. I'm going to listen to what's going on with them and I'm going to care about their situation and be empathetic about them. And that will lead to things like kindness and compassion. Progress just means okay, today, what are a couple of three habits I can do today that will create wellness on me? I want to maybe to meditate for something bigger than me because that will calm me. If you believe in God, which I do, to pray, but also to say, okay, today, what are the top couple of things I should do and what can I improve on tomorrow? So turn it into daily habits and then finish each day with service. What can you do that's a random act of kindness or what can you do? Here's the one that a lot of your listeners probably face when your grandson or granddaughter comes to you. No matter what you're doing, they are. Now that is the most important moment in your life, right? Then you may be working on something.

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It may be important to you, or you may just be browsing YouTube videos on your tablet. But when they come to you, there's a lady on my board that I greatly respect and she says that life happens in the interruptions, Right. So use that as an example on how you deal with them, that those moments happen. That is the most important moment you can have. And like I said, life happens in the interruptions sometimes. I'm going to write that and put that on the wall in front of me. See, every day. That's a good reminder for me.

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You've given us some wonderful things to think about and great hope. It's been a wonderful conversation.

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Where can we read more about your work and what you do and your book? Yeah, the easy way is go to one website and I'll say it a couple of times. It's logical, so it's easy to remember. But it's a little bit long. But it's lifeimprovementsteps.com again, lifeimprovementsteps.com so you can learn about the book there. You can see that there's a whole page for parents. We've also created resources for grandparents in the traditional role. But if you're thrust back into the parenting role, we have parenting teenagers, parenting kids, parenting in a crisis. So those resources are there. We have blogs and videos you can use. But for this audience, I would suggest if you go to the website. First click on the tab that says proactive parenting. And because that's the role I think that you're in at this moment, even if you're a caregiver and look at the resources there and then pick the one that works for you and say, today, what is one step I can take today? And when you take one step in a positive direction, you'll feel good about it. It feels your entire perspective will change. You'll think, okay, life is still hard, but that feels good and I'm moving in the right direction. My mom used to always say when I had a bad day, she'd say, okay, say three good things. Three good things that happened today. One is a good place to start.

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And on our next show, we ought to talk about Paces, your book, which is the methodologies for parenting parenting that you've put into place. But we'll save that for another episode.

00:45:01.219 --> 00:45:05.059
Okay, that sounds great. Thanks, Steve. It's been great having you.

00:45:05.059 --> 00:45:08.820
I look forward to having you back. My pleasure, Laura. Thank you so much.

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I hope today's conversation with Steve Ward has inspired you to take your own next right step toward resilience and purpose.

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His insights on finding peace and joy even in the midst of adversity are very powerful. What resonated most with you from this episode? What's one small, actionable step you're going to take this week for your own well being or for your families?

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Share your reflections with us on our social media or website. And if you know another grandparent who could use a dose of hope and practical guidance, please share this episode with them. Together, we can find our own next right step on this incredible journey. And as we continue to find purpose and strength in ourselves, it's just as vital to build a practical support system to sustain us. Next week, prepare for an encouraging and practical discussion with Carson Wagner, the inspiring founder and CEO of Lifetime of Love Nannies. Carson launched her business at 19 years old, driven by her invaluable experience in behavioral therapy with children, including those with autism and other special needs. Are you a grandparent seeking reliable, specialized support for your grandchildren, particularly those with unique challenges? Well, Carson's mission is to be the village the families need, offering not just childcare, but dedicated, compassionate care designed to build confidence and nurture growth. Join us as Carson shares her insights on finding the right support, building trust, and navigating the nuances of care for children with diverse needs. Discover how her commitment to service and her entrepreneurial spirit can empower grandparents to find the quality assurance that truly makes a difference Join us next week to discover how to expand your support network and find peace of mind with expert child care solutions. Thank you for tuning in to grandparents, raising grandchildren, nurturing through adversity. Remember, you are not alone. Together we can find strength and hope in the face of adversity. Peace be with you. And I pray that you find some time this week to listen to your inner wisdom amongst the noise and the pandemonium of this world.