Decoding Childhood Anxiety- Recognizing the Signs

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Anxiety in children is on the rise, but there is hope. This week we speak with an expert who shines a light on this often misunderstood struggle. Discover the crucial signs, effective strategies, and vital resources to support your child's well being. Don't miss this episode welcome to Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Nurturing Through Adversity. In this podcast, we will delve deep into the challenges and triumphs of grandparents raising grandchildren as we navigate the complexities of legal, financial and emotional support. I invite you to join us on a journey of exploring thoughts, feelings and beliefs surrounding this growing segment of our society. Drawing from real stories and expert advice, we will explore the nuances of childrearing for children who have experienced trauma and offer valuable resources to guide you through the intricate journey of kinship care.

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We'll discuss how we can change the course of history by rewriting our grandchildren's future, all within a supportive community that understands the unique joys and struggles. This podcast was made especially for you.

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Welcome to a community where your voice is heard, your experiences are valued, and your journey is honored.

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It wasn't until several months of my granddaughter complaining of an earache off and on, followed by stomach aches that turned out to be nothing medically, that a very different kind of worry began to surface for me. Like many of you, I'm not one to rush to the doctor for every little thing. My go to approach with childhood ailments has always been focused on good food, plenty of rest, and simple over the counter remedies or natural solutions when needed. But when those didn't bring my granddaughter relief and the doctors couldn't pinpoint a physical cause, I started to feel like something else might be going on beneath the surface. It was actually reading one of Anastasia's insightful blogs that sparked a connection for me. I began to see parallels between Athena's persistent ailments and the challenges she faces with learning disorders. The potential impact of trauma maybe the pain isn't physical, I remembered thinking. Maybe it's connected to a deeper psychological pain she's experiencing.

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This experience really brought up some crucial questions for me, and I'm sure for many of you too. Where do we draw the line between typical childhood stress and something more serious like anxiety? How do we know when to take action beyond our usual home remedies? And when is it time to reach out to someone other than a medical doctor? And perhaps most confusingly, what do we do when the problem isn't visibly clear? And that's precisely what we're going to be exploring today in a truly insightful conversation with child and family therapist Anastasia Arouse. First of all, welcome back to the show, Anastasia.

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Thank you for having me. I'm glad to be here today. I thought we'd talk about anxiety. I read a publication that you have about it and it really touched me because it's something that we're dealing with with our 9 year old and I know that many parents need more information about it. We know that kids worry. Worry is just something that's part of being a human being. But what is the difference between worry and when do we need to become concerned? When anxiety becomes bigger than that.

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So as a parent, if you notice that your child starts struggling socially or has physical symptoms, they're avoiding things like going to school or they don't want to participate in stuff. They're not sleeping, they're more irritable. Those are signs of really having significant anxiety. And you're going to know, you're going to feel it, you're going to be like, there's something off here. And so at that point, really trying to figure out what you can do to support your child and how you might need to look elsewhere to get some help rather than just at home. If we have children that have been coping with stress from early on in their life, how do we discern between what is a symptom of that and what is normal worry? That's a really good question. And I think there's such a fine line between all of it. And it's so hard because if you have, if you are raising your grandchildren or you are the caretaker of them, clearly there's been some trauma there with their parents and so that's always going to be there. And so having that, just that background or that traumatic event in their lives is going to. Some kids will cope with it differently. Right? Some kids can move right through that kind of stuff, but other kids really struggle. And so by just really paying attention to what you're seeing them do and how they're acting and how they're interacting. With you, share with us some of the avoidance behaviors that are common with anxiety issues. Yeah, so some of them might be like not wanting to go to school, maybe they'll start a dance class and then refusing to go back to it. They don't want to be away from you, they want to be with you. A lot of times they don't want to separate from you.

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They just really have a hard time wanting to interact with others at times. Could be some of the things. And what's the best way to respond to those actions through love and support. So really connecting with them, showing empathy. Like, I understand this is really hard. Even going to the point of, like, if they say they're in soccer or they're in dance, even to the point of, I'll be there, I will go and I will sit. Sometimes you can just go. If you're at soccer, clear. You can sit on the sideline.

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I'm not leaving. If it's dance, even the dance teacher will let you just sit in the room. Or gymnastics. Because some of the times if the kids fear that you're going to leave and they're not doing this on purpose or they're not cognitively, really, like, my grandparent is never coming back, but their nervous system doesn't know that.

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And so it's that fight flight part of their brain that's activated and they can't control it. And they're just. They get in that fear state and they can't get out of it. So it's like they're scared you're not coming back. So offering as much support as you can, really communicating, connecting with them a lot about what it's going to look like.

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So say it's about going to school, even really talking about, all right, we're going to be leaving, we're going to school. I'm going to drop you off here. I'll be here to pick you up at this time. So really going through all of the timeline of events that's going to occur in that situation where they're having that avoidant behavior. And what about some of the physical symptoms? Yeah, and that can manifest in so many different ways. Everything from being sick to hurting themselves a lot. They could be falling a lot. They could have parts of their body hurting. Stomach ache, headache, feeling sick, nausea. Stomach ache is a big one.

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I hear that one a lot. Where kids will be like, I don't want to go to school. My stomach hurts. And that's a clear sign that there's something going on. And if you have a kid that does that every once in a while, that's okay. I mean, that could be considered somewhat normal. Right. So it's like really talking to them like, your stomach's hurting today, what's happening with that. But if this is happening every single day, then that's time that you need to probably start thinking about who else can help you, what other resources are around to support you. I know that there are a lot of misconceptions about the term anxiety and old school responses might be, grow up, you need to toughen up. That Sort of thing.

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What. What do you see as some of the common misconceptions around anxiety? I think sometimes it can come and go. So people will ignore it because they think it's okay, and then it'll show up bigger, right? And so then it'll go away for a little bit, and then it shows up bigger. So I think sometimes people will ignore it, thinking it's just going to go away. And if it's a true anxiety disorder, a true anxiety diagnosis, it's not going to go away because you've got to solve the root of the problem of what's happening with that child. So that's one thing. Other things are kind of like what you said, like, because people get frustrated. They're like, just get over it. Get out of the car and go to school. Right? Like, because you're tired, you don't want to keep having the same conversation over and over again. Like, we've already talked about it at home. We've talked about it in the car. Now get out of the car and go to school. So that frustration and that anger comes out. I see that a lot of times. And I don't judge people over that. I don't blame. I mean, we all are human, right? And we're doing the best that we can. So those are some of the things that I see happening at times. So let's talk about some of the strategies for supporting kids with anxiety.

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When we start seeing these signs and. Symptoms, I think it's really important to know for them to know that you support them, that you understand and even using the word anxiety, right? Like, start teaching them what it is. Because a lot of times when you can put a word with whatever it is going on, or a definition or a book even. I am really a big proponent of reading books to kids. Like, get a book from the library about anxiety and just start talking and communicating about it that there's nothing wrong with them, that their body is reacting in a way that is making them feel uncomfortable. Right?

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And so that's one way is really just communicating and really start explaining it to them, validating their feelings.

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Like noticing their face. Like, I see your face looks really worried. I see that you're feeling. You're. You're shaking a little bit. I can tell you're nervous about that. So validating. Because a lot of times they can't even verbally express with words how they're feeling, especially if you don't do that in your home. And so really teaching them those words so they can get it out Right.

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So I always tell my son, we've worked on this forever, but still he's, he's 11, so he still has his stuff. And I say if you keep pushing it down and you don't talk about it, eventually it explodes.

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Right. And so they don't have the words to say it if they don't have the language because they don't know where is it going. It's just all getting pushed down. So I think it's really important to really start teaching them the language around it. They can also model what you do. So if you're able to like really be calm around them, your nervous system is calm and teach them it's okay to get angry, anxious, and that you feel that too at times.

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But these are some of the things you do. So like, these are great suggestions. Yeah. So practicing like grounding techniques or even sharing times of like when you were nervous or when you were anxious and how you coped with it is helpful, especially if they're older and they can understand that. So they don't feel like they're crazy, that there's something wrong. I'm sure you have stories of families that you've worked with, kids that have been diagnosed with anxiety disorders or anxiety issues, and the before and after stories when you've done counseling with them. Can you share some of those with us? Yeah, of course. I think a lot of it is parent education or grandparent education. One of the things that I love to do is have parents and grandparents like involved in the whole process because once they're part of it, I see so much more change. And so an example of a parent I had was going through a divorce. Child really struggling because it's a huge change. They had to move. So a lot of anxiety around that kind of stuff. Right. New school, was at the old school, went to a new school, went back to the old school. So that's tough, that's really hard, especially on an elementary age child.

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One of the things we did was I ended up, I'm a registered play therapist, so we worked together in the play therapy office. But then I also brought the mom in and she worked with us. And so I taught her some play techniques and then really connected with mom in that, would share some strategies in the office and then as she would go home and take the child, I would be able to connect with her. Like during the week she could email me and I usually would get back to her. So really keeping that communication open because when you have a child with anxiety, there's things that will trigger them and you don't necessarily know what to do at the time.

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And so what I would like to do is just like support the family until they are learning those new ways. Because we get so used to doing things a certain way because we've. That's the way we've always done it. And so as a parent or grandparent, we have to learn the new behavior. So I really try to teach and coach the adults in the relationship with the child on how to respond to them. And so that's one way is like. And I really helped that family.

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And that was how she got relieved from some of that anxiety, was her mom was able to then cope with it. How about some resources? You mentioned books on anxiety. Do you have any to recommend for different age levels? I could give you a link to a book list. That would be great. And I'll put that link in the show notes. Yeah, I will definitely give that to you because yes, there are so many great ones out there. Especially what's really cool is that if you have little ones you can do picture books and then you read with them. Even if they're older, elementary, you can still do those picture books. They'll still love for you to read to them and just point to the pictures. How is the character feeling? How. How do you think she feels now? So really looking at the picture and using the picture to help you tell the story along with whatever the author has written are great. Another thing to do as kids get older. The chapter books are great because you can read with them at night or in the morning or after school. And here again talking about how the characters are feeling and how they're getting. Through the situation where you think medication comes in into dealing with anxiety. What are your thoughts on that? I think it's a case by case basis. I don't love seeing kids put on medication for things like anxiety, but sometimes it's needed and if that's the only resource available and that's going to help the child, then I think that's something that needs to be done to help them. I do think there is a lot of resources out there now to help folks with anxiety and helping the children through it, whether it be a social skills group and they're working with other kids, whether it being seeing a therapist or a play therapist, whether it's working with like a family coach like me who works with the whole family to try to change some systems around. Because a lot of times the anxiety is stemming from something that's happened or is happening in the home. So that's kind of. I like to try to get to the root of it to try to relieve it for everybody. What about any online communities regarding anxiety? Yeah, for sure. There's Child Mind Institute I love. They are a great resource that has. Everything has anxiety. They have so much amazing information on childhood psychological stuff. Like there is some, it's called Child Mind Institute and they, they have a great resource library, especially with anxiety. Great. I'll put that link in as well. Anything else you want to share with the listeners today? Sure. Like, it's just if you are seeing signs of anxiety in your child, it's okay. And so there are so many tools and resources out there that can help you and your child because usually if they're feeling that anxiety and that sense of worry, it's coming from somewhere and it's probably stressing you out. It's making you feel like you've done something wrong. And I don't think any of that is the case. I don't think you've done anything wrong. It's just you don't know any different. And so looking for those resources out there to support you. Yeah, that's really important to remember. Yeah. Well, thanks, Anastasia. I want to again recommend anyone that is dealing with anxiety to go to a registered play therapist. Anastasia has a fabulous blog, which I follow as well, and several Facebook sites for parents.

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Your website is Anastasia arouse.com.

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Yes. Which I will spell out and will be in the link in the show notes. Great. Yeah. And feel free to reach out to me and I will definitely offer support for you. Thanks, Anastasia. Thank you for having me. You're welcome.

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Thanks for joining us today for another episode of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren. Nurturing Through Adversity.

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I encourage you to share both your challenges and your successes with us. Your story is undoubtedly one someone else needs to hear. Submit your stories to the links provided in the podcast information. Your contributions will enrich upcoming conversations, creating a more supportive community in which we can learn and grow together. I hope you'll join us next week for a deeply insightful conversation with Carolyn Eich, who believes that living with reverent attention to the heart is the path to profound change, especially when breaking cycles of generational trauma.

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We'll explore how past wounds can shape our caregiving and how to recognize if you're unconsciously recreating those patterns. Dr.

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Eich will introduce the revolutionary concept of heart intelligence and how connecting your mind, brain and heart can foster emotional resilience for both you and your grandchildren. You'll walk away with practical tools and strategies to navigate the challenges of caregiving. Integrate heart, mind coherence into your daily life and discover how spiritual, spiritual wisdom and self care can pave the way for transformation. If you're seeking a more heart centered approach to life and healing and want to break free from generational patterns, this episode is a must. Listen thank you for tuning in to grandparents, raising grandchildren, nurturing through adversity. Remember, you are not alone. Together we can find strength and hope in the face of adversity. Peace be with you and I pray that you find some time this week to listen to your inner wisdom amongst the noise and the pandemonium of this world.