Tending the Fire: Moving from Crisis to Stability in Kinship Care | Ep. 111

Oak Logs vs. Gasoline: Why the Invisible CEO Must Choose the "Slow Burn"

In the boardroom of kinship care, we are often forced into the role of emergency responders. We deal with the "gasoline" moments—the 2:00 AM phone calls, the legal explosions, and the high-octane emotional meltdowns that come with raising children from trauma. But as any fire-tender knows, you cannot keep a house warm with gasoline alone. You need Oak Logs.

This week on The Invisible CEO, I sat down with Jake Knox, author of Oak Logs & Gasoline. Jake isn't just a writer; he’s a mentor who understands that real leadership—and real healing—happens in the quiet, steady act of tending the coals.

The Raw Truth: Battling the Flash Fire at the Kitchen Table

I found myself at the kitchen table last night with my granddaughter, battling over spelling words and a desperate urge for digital distraction. I felt my own anxiety rising—that "gasoline" response to her frustration. I had to stop and remember what Jake told me: Sometimes, it is our job to be boring.

Our grandchildren have lived through years where the fire was always out of control. To them, chaos is familiar. When we implement routines—the same bedtime, the same dinner rules, the same "phones off" policy—we are stacking Oak Logs. They might fight the routine (wildly), but eventually, they realize the fire is still there when they come back. Stability is the only thing that re-imprints a traumatized brain.

The CEO Perspective: Momentum vs. Meaning

As leaders, we often confuse "moving fast" with "making progress." We pack the kids' schedules with three sports, tutoring, and activities, thinking that momentum equals healing. Jake challenges this "Flash Fire" mentality.

• The Gasoline Trap: Quick dopamine hits and high-intensity fixes feel impressive in the moment, but they leave no coals for the morning.

• The Art of Tending: The most profound "mentorship" doesn't happen in a formal meeting; it happens in the "thousands of 2-minute conversations" while driving to school or doing the dishes.

The Boardroom Brief: Trading Shame for Peace

We live in a culture that rewards the "firefighter" lifestyle. We look at other families who seem to have it all together and feel the shame of "slowing down." Jake reminds us that peace is not weakness.

"It’s okay to take care of yourself. It’s okay to put yourself first sometimes. It’s not weak. It’s honest." — Jake Knox

The Toolbox: 3 Tactical Moves for the Fire-Tender

1. Conduct a Fuel Audit: Look at your week. How much of it was spent "firefighting" (reactive) versus "log-stacking" (proactive routine)? Aim to shift the ratio by 10% this week.

2. Find the "Kitchen Campfire": Identify a 10-minute window today where you can be fully present with your grandchild—no devices, no "correcting," just listening.

3. Choose "Boring" Over "Big": If you’re faced with a choice between a high-energy outing and a quiet night at home, choose the quiet. Predictability is the greatest gift you can give a child whose world has been a series of flash fires.

The Reflection Room

Jake challenged us to ask: What are you fueling your inside fire with? If you are running on gasoline, you will burn out. If you choose the Oak Log, you build a foundation that lasts. What is one "slow-burning" habit you can start tonight?

👉 [LISTEN TO EPISODE 111: JAKE KNOX]